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Weeksy - very kind of you to offer still, apart from upgrades which is more of a want rather than a necessity all is good. When i do upgrade i will be rebuilding my sons bike from my parts so he will hopefully have a better bike instead of his halfords bso, now he is getting interested in cycling too.
As i said before i am not wanting to take advantage of anyone and all the help is being greatly received. It is quite hard to ask for help generally, let alone when people offer items. I find it difficult to accept when i am normally one to help wherever I can.
Anagallis - i have already been to the doctors. He wasn't comfortable giving me any meds due to the amount of meds my wife has to take for pain management etc. Reason for this is if i have any side effects (tiredness, sleepiness, increased anxiety etc) then functioning in the family would become difficult etc.
Ironically his suggestion was to go cycling or take up swimming, running, weight training or something similar to work out my stress, and in turn help decrease my depression as well as getting some time to myself and exercise.
I find it difficult to accept when i am normally one to help wherever I can.
It's precisely because you are the sort that is willing to help that it makes you perfectly entitled to accept help in the times you need it. Whatever's making it difficult for you, look at the big picture. You're taking help so you can make things better on the grand scale; we're giving it because we want to and we can, knowing that many of us have been or could be in your position at other times.
gnusmas - MemberWeeksy - very kind of you to offer still, apart from upgrades which is more of a want rather than a necessity all is good. When i do upgrade i will be rebuilding my sons bike from my parts so he will hopefully have a better bike instead of his halfords bso, now he is getting interested in cycling too.
As i said before i am not wanting to take advantage of anyone and all the help is being greatly received. It is quite hard to ask for help generally, let alone when people offer items. I find it difficult to accept when i am normally one to help wherever I can.
We understand that 🙂 It's not like i'd be taking stuff off my bike etc to help you out, anything on offer is just stuff that sits in a box, i've got for example 4 unused saddles from various bikes as i only ride Spoons/Flux's so have loads of spares that will never see the light of day.
I totally get your point though, i'm exactly the same, i'm the person giving... but i'd like to think to save my sanity i'd accept help... (not convinced i would though)
Ironically his suggestion was to go cycling or take up swimming, running, weight training or something similar to work out my stress, and in turn help decrease my depression as well as getting some time to myself and exercise.
Absolutely 100% - but if getting out for longer periods is tough because of needing to be at home, don't overlook even doing 10-15 minute sessions of high intensity stuff. 20 second circuits of pressups, burpees, sit ups, stationary sprints (knees up / arse-kicks, etc.) with 10s changeover between them - keep that up at max effort for 10 minutes and you can flood with the endorphins that exercising releases.
(And done properly your troubles will disappear while you're doing them because all you can focus on is not being sick 😉 )
There are all sorts of financial supports for people in your situation, do your best to make sure you have fully explored every avenue. Navigating social care / health / benefits system can be a complete PITA but worthwhile in the longer run.
CAB would probably be my first port of call.
The financial side is only part of the worry and stress. That is i suppose the physical side ie able to get things to help make my wife more comfortable day to day (electric wheelchair etc).
The mental side is more important to make sure we can all continue as best as we can with all that is going on. I am trying to be as strong as i can and support her and the kids, but feel i am losing touch with the family side of things as i am trying to make sure everything that needs doing gets done.
This was the reason for my original question. Not trying to be selfish to make sure i get, but to try and improve my mental state so i can improve our family situation by being a better husband and father. I guess i am scared of failing them and possibly losing what i currently have as a result.
by analogy to First Aid training. DR ABC - first action is Danger; assess the situation and don't become a casualty yourself.
Same here. Tough as it sounds if you don't function properly then you're less useful to the family. If that means taking time out here and there so you can be fully supportive the rest of the time, do it.
But you know that really - let someone carry your load when they can, so you can carry it better the rest of the time.
Thankyou jonv, means a lot.
Time out here and there is what i am basically doing, when i get the chance. When everyone has offered different bike parts, initially i thought that would be great, i can spend time fettling and changing parts, a bit of time in the evening doing something constructive on my bike or the kids bikes.
But, like i previously said, i find it difficult to ask for anything, especially if i don't need it. I think the time doing anything like fettling is appealing, but don't want to come across as begging either. That just isn't me at all.
I agree with theotherjonv, you have to look after yourself to effectively look after others. I learnt the hard way and in a period of great stress I tried to compensate by packing as much into the weekends for the family as possible and in the end just burnt out.
I also agree with trying to fit in some short sessions of exercise ideally every day even if it is just a couple of minutes. Even better if you can do it early in the day so you benefit from it all day. You will easily get the few minutes back by working more productively but it is hard to see that when everything is stacked up. I do understand how busy mornings are before school etc. but could you do a couple of minutes of HIT type exercise with the kids and try and get into a daily routine.
Really hope you can get out for a ride soon to clear your head. I hope we can raise enough cash to make a decent contribution to wheelchair.
gnusmas its not begging, if fettling would give you the required head space go for it, swallow your pride and accept the parts required. People (myself included) have an incredible ability to hoard bike bits that do no body any good sat in a box. I try to take them periodically to a cycle charity but your case is just as strong if not stronger. Please accept a little help so that you can keep giving to your family.
Thankyou bigsurfer.
I think as you suggest it may be worth doing something in the morning with the kids, they might enjoy it too.
As far as raising money goes, i haven't actually looked at the page since Junkyard said he set it up so don't know what's going on there. But if it gets to his total that would go a long way towards a nice wheelchair (if there is such a thing as a nice wheelchair) for her.
My wife doesn't know about this thread, she might actually kill me for talking about her. I haven't done this to annoy her, i am hoping that re-reading all the comments over and over will continue to help so i can try and get my head sorted to a point i can actually talk to her properly.
Donation made. I'm always amazed by the spirit on STW. Brilliant idea by Junkyard and hope it makes things a little bit better for you.
Thankyou teamslug, genuinely appreciated.
My wife doesn't know about this thread, she might actually kill me for talking about her.
Or it may restore a little faith in humanity for her 🙂
Donation made here too. I don't usually do this sort of thing but something about this struck a chord.
Look after your self mate.
Mos, thankyou very much.
Weeksy, maybe but she will still kill me
Hopefully she'll do that by running you over in her nice wheelchair. 🙂 +1 for what mos ^ said
Teamslug - that actually made me smile, first proper smile in i don't know how long.
Thanks
What she has been left with is classed as a side effect of the operation which is listed on the operation consent form. I guess they are covering all bases by listing as much as they can. Albeit a very extreme side effect, the surgeon even said he hasn't known anyone to be as bad as this after the operation.
IANAL... but ignore the consent form and seek some legal advice or at least a second opinion. You can't sign away your legal rights.
If the surgeon made a mistake or did not act properly, or risks were not adequately explained, you might be due some form of compensation regardless of what it said in the consent form. It may be the case that the side effects were unavoidable, but it's worth a try.
Hopefully she'll do that by running you over in her nice wheelchair.
he'll be able to get away on his s****y parts bike
Your brains going to be better at learning things, depressed rather than when you're hyper.
So I'd consider re-skilling. It doesn't have to be rocket science... I'd love to learn mathematics properly:)
As for exercise, I've never read his book, but ex-Scottish rugby pro Gavin Hastings recommends getting out for a 15 minute walk, three times a day.
Horatio - Might be worth looking into it, like you said it can't hurt.
Jonv - ?? i only have 9 gears with rapid rise too, nothing s****y about that.
I think everyone now knows the struggles and serious side of things. It can be tough but never given up and never wanted to be anywhere else, even if i have struggled to show it.
Oh well, I guess after the last 2 comments made me smile its time to let normal STW resume.
Commence.
Greatbeardedone - might check it out, thanks.
I walk to school and back twice a day, the school is about a 15 min walk (30+ with the kids).
One of the little ones playgroups is a mile away, so 2 miles walk once a week. If my wife isn't in too much pain and can manage getting out into town, i push my wife in her current wheelchair while carrying the little one on my back in a child carrier, that can easily be a 1.5 to 2 mile jaunt round town.
I should be skinny as a rake but have developed comfort eating over the past few months, so still pretty rounded. I was trying to find a way of getting out by myself for a little to clear my head etc.
Re-skilling, now there's a thought. Will have a think, thankyou very much.
wee bump https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/junkyard-stw
I have been away at £260 so far
OP mailing you re light pics and what you want to do next
Big thanks to STW for all you have done
Was there a ballpark figures for the electric scooter out of curiosity?
Hope OP is feeling the love and I really don't mean the money by the way.
This thread typifies why I like this forum hugely. For all the bickering we do actually give a damn.
As said before, restores my faith in humanity.
Nice one guys!
Is it really at £260??????????
F*** me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yep! 😀
Not any more. 🙂
Si
Sorry for my outburst, i genuinely hadn't looked. I am truly stunned. Thankyou everyone, that is completely unbelievable.
Poopscoop - it has never been about the money. I have felt the love from the start, i have had direct messages and emails of support from various STWers as well as the kindness shown on here, it is only a day or so and it has been an emotional and staggering journey so far. I am completely blown away.
I originally asked for options for a decent cheap light to help my mental state. This is going to be a major breakthrough at this rate, physically and mentally for all of us.
To answer your question, electric scooters/wheelchairs start from around the £699 mark. We haven't looked properly at the most suitable ones yet as there was no way we could afford it. As we are playing a waiting game with regards to PIP, my wife is not classed as disabled so we are unable to get VAT relief that most shops seem to offer for disabled persons.
I suppose the biggest question of all now is, when do i tell my wife?
I don't know anyone here in person, but i will gladly and proudly call you all my friends. A genuinely massive heartfelt thankyou to everyone for your kindness, helpfulness, support and unbelievable generosity.
It what make this place so great
Tell her when we have a total is my advice
Pics of light will be with you within the hour
Quick shout out to Junky for taking the time and having the idea to set up the JG page.
Nice one chief.
Si
Was just about to so the same.
Thanks Junkyard 🙂
I'm a bit of a lurker on here. Wanted to chip and help if I could, so after contacting gnusmus a pair of deores are now boxed up and ready to go. Hopefully be with you by the end of the week!
[img] https://flic.kr/p/VmVXH7 [/img]
Edit: first time trying to post an image - not sure it's worked!
What a heartwarming thread - this place does seem to come good in a crisis. Good luck gnusmas and well done to Junkyard - have also just done the necessary on JG. A small amount that I can easily afford - if you're reading this and dithering, go on and do it. You'll feel warm and fuzzy and earn karma points to be redeemed in the future in your own hour of need. What's not to like?
BTW - it's up to £360!
I've wanged a few quid in just to add weight to the message that the world's not all bad, gnusmas.
Hope the cash eases things a tiny bit, but mainly I hope that it's clear that even strangers can give a sh1t about you.
Oh, and thanks Junkyard for setting up the doodah.
gnusmasPoopscoop - it has never been about the money. I have felt the love from the start
I know bud I really, really hope life improves for you and your family really soon.
This thread might be a tiny,weeny turning point for you. Really hope so.
Thanks again for the donations, genuinely appreciated.
Poopscoop - i think it may well be a turning point, at least i hope it will be. The positive vibes are flowing from everyone and seem to be hitting the right spots.
[url= https://s4.postimg.org/bnyimg3zx/f4e67c360749ff6506f2fe86215339de.jp g" target="_blank">
Missed this until now. Great work everyone !
haven't read the whole thing though, obvz - do we need more bike bits ?
having the idea to set up the JG page
it was not my idea, i simply did it. Someone else deserves the credit and so do all the people who donated. Thanks to them this happened.
rocky mountain - Member - Block User - Quote
Set up a crowdfunding page Gnusmas?
In that case, shout out to rocky mountain too! 😀
It's up to £460 btw.
Si
Well Done all £200 in just one night Some very generous people on here
Just read this.
Gnusmas, I am an hour and a bit away from you, if you need help fixing a bike I can pop over. Or a car, although I'm less of an expert in that area 🙂
I've given a small amount - hope that it can be put to good use.
Bumpity Bump to keep some momentum going......
Best wishes to you & your family, gnusmas - sounds like you are doing a great job fella & hope that things get easier for you.