Am I Being Unreasonable? MTB Court now in session! #Case002

Probably the husband 😄

(And I’ve not even read any of it)

But I don’t really want to give up my Saturday rides with my mates.

He wanted the kids, so meh. Be patient until she’s back to a place that’s acceptable for both on the bike. Compromise is key.

Mid week rides together and alternate Saturdays with friends or a club, perhaps Simon could get Rebecca some coaching sessions for her birthday or even just to say thank you for being an awesome mum.

The above two…Bazz and dissonance…have it. IMHO

Simon sounds like a bit of [pick your own adjective]. Probably popular at uni and great fun when he was 20. Only he’s still the same. His mates probably are too.

Get a new bike.
Get rid of Simon.

Maybe not in that order.

Re-reading it they do get time off to ride midweek together. I don’t really understand who is supposed to change & it what way🤷‍♂️

Admittedly it isn’t exactly adversarial is it? One of them needs to have an affair or be secretly sneaking off to the woods to shag someone of the same gender to spice this up a bit.

Key phrase for me ‘I feel like I’m holding him back’

In that alone, Rebecca will not feel comfortable riding with Simon, and it needs to be addressed before anything else imo.

Man/Wife, friends, riding buddies, whatever – in rides of 2 or 3 it just doesn’t generally work well for parties concerned where fitness levels and ability are not close to each other. Get a few more people on a group ride and it becomes more manageable, unless it is one person lagging (been there, gave up)

I think they can ride together but go at a leisurely pace for both of them and not put any stress on mileage or speed etc. Waiting for somebody all the time is no good, especially for the morale of the slower one.

Weekends should be split 50/50 between the pair so she can go ride with a group. On that side, Simon is being completely selfish.

They probably should consider talking this over in an open, honest, generous, and empathetic way to understand each other’s perceptions, concerns, and goals.

Alternatively.
Simon needs to grow up a bit and gain some empathy. Otherwise expect him to be moaning on STW about ‘my wife is leaving me and taking the kids and the bikes after meeting someone better than me’

Rebecca seems to have had her confidence knocked by taking on a significant carer role and not riding much. Rather than cling to the past she should assess her current situation and do what she wants.

Im With Moab on this apart from the N+1 thing( needing some new pads is NOT a good reason to go N+1)

mrs G thats you that is xx

Firstly, I wouldn’t rue out a new bike. If it’s more that 5 year of then Al those advantages of new school geometry will immediately be of benefit. Simon first say how old his bike is? Plenty of bikes to test ride now we are past the majority of supply chain issues.

Secondly, I can’t recommend group riding highly enough. It really worked when my wife stated riding and even now. It’s incredibly difficult to not come across as patronising when trying to encourage your significant other. Help and advice from third parties is a lot easier to take. Rebecca will feel supported and it will lessen the worry of holding Simon up. It doesn’t even need to be a group of other women. Just a group of mixed ability riders. Simon may have to alternate with this new group and his old riding buddies or tar it in turns to go out with different groups. Coming back together to ride as a couple will then be more relaxed and Rebecca with have more confidence.

If Simon wants to ride with Rebecca he should leave the e-bike at home and go old school self-propelled. Frankly as the fitter, more skilled rider he’s taking the piss when riding an e-bike with an unfit partner.

(I’m at a loss why someone at least 20 years younger than me and apparently in good health would need such a thing but that’s just me).

Sort of related, a mate of mine included an ABC of marriage in his wedding speech –

“C is for Compromising and Climbing. I’ll do the climbing”

They’re no longer together………….

Sounds like they need a tandem.

Just accept that when riding together it will be a pootle. Ride together and chat no flying ahead and waiting at the top. Take easy routes and the confidence will build if it needs to. Not everyone needs to be a downhill pro to have fun.

In our house my wife has the e-bike not me, it levels the playing field

Shouldn’t have had kids then. Simples

I think it’s quite difficult to return them though

this is true. Assuming the children were a planned choice then having them comes with compromises compared to your poor kids life. Deal with it

Ok, if I’m reading this right, Simon has a eeb and Rebecca doesn’t.

Simon is smoking Rebecca on climbs and waiting at the top.

Rebecca things she is holding Simon back (not surprised if she is getting to the tops of hills where he is waiting)

Simon doesn’t think Rebecca needs to replace her six year old bike while he has what is likely a very recent e-bike (and maybe another bike)?

Simon needs to stop being a dick, properly support Rebecca and stop prioritising riding with his mater over riding with Rebecca. He needs to either ride the e-bike in low or zero assist and just go for a steady ride with her. No zooming ahead, just ride with her at every point during the ride. Stick with her in climbs, stop for a break if she needs it.

But above all, just ride  No expectations, no tips, just get out on bikes together  Start Doing that and everything will just slot into place  If Rebecca needs a new bike, it will become apparent quickly (she does, btw). If some skills coaching would help – buy her some (it would, and what a gift!) .

Simon needs to stop being a dick,

are you saying he should sell his e-bike?

I love the idea that Dads can just piss off out for a day when the kids are young. That was the exception not the rule when ours were little.

The boss expects equal time for her interests/activities (which don’t much align with mine), plus she likes to go places and do things with me also. So me pissing off out with the lads for a ride is the marginal occurrence (and often comes with recrimination after the fact), it’s certainly not a regular thing.

Simon sounds like a bit of a man-child…

I recognise a lot of what Simon says –  No children involved here but I am a stronger rider than Mrs NBT. Like Simon I have no issues with the whole waiting at the top thing and am just happy be out with my wife. In many cases though, I know she’s already decided that she won’t be able to ride up / down that bit, which I find sad – because I have more confidence in her abilities than she has, so it’s just a little sad that I think she’s going to be able to do it then she doesn’t even try. Doesn’t mean I don’t wan to ride together though –  I’d rather ride with my wife than my mates.

Having said all that – Simon is being a dick. Ride a non-ebike with Rebecca, and give up most if not all Saturdays, either to let Rebecca ride with ladies on Saturdays, so she doesn’t feel the pressure of riding with her husband, or to ride more together. Buy her a new bike if it will help her feel better about riding – it doesn’t have to be an e-bike if that’s not what Rebecca wants, just having a new bike is a boost in itself (listen to the voice of experience). Realise that Rebecca needs to ride with / listen to other people telling her how good she is – as her husband you are expected to be encouraging, so she needs independent backup that this is indeed the case. This may be a skills course, or just riding with other people. Either way, it’s your turn to step back

Rebecca also need to listen to other people though. Time off bike means skills and fitness and confidence all need a little top-up, that’s all