so i'm in my lbs this morning picking up (mtb) wheels and such like when the lbs owner catches me laughing at myself. what're you laughing at he asks.
i'm looking at your posh tyres (fifty pound per tyre!!!) and i'm thinking that those white walls would go really well with my white (road) bike.
he shook his head and had the good grace to laugh at me but not sell them to me.
truly, i am roadie scum.....
or when EVERY bike you pick up feels heavy.
or when you get in from an mtb ride and try to work out why your computer only says 12 miles. like the batteries might have started to go flat and missed some out.
Also as soon as you go for a ride on your MTB you feel you have to keep looking at the back tyre as you think you have a puncture constantly.
Or you're looking forward to going to your mother-in-law's house, as there's some great road-riding round there...
Nice and cool this weekend, perfect for a 6hr ride around the Valle del Jerte area 
or you let go of the bars to reach for the drops and knock your teeth on your stem?
...you stop saying "darkside".
yeh id go with that one too.
...you wonder why you still have that mountainbike you haven't used in 6 months
the look on my other half's face when she goes 'you spent how much on a carbon bottle cage'?
then after a futile weight argument which will inevitably descend into 'pull the other one fat boy' i'm reduced to the frankly pathetic 'but everyone else has got one' position.
to which she responds 'who? the rest of your gay mates.'
You wonder if the stem on your MTB would be better off inverted
now i've just read the darkside comment aand realised i'm just after sending an email arranging some mtbing tomorrow so long as we can go out on our 'proper' bikes tonight.
where has it all gone wrong!!!!?
You have a summer and a winter road bike? Admittedly I also have two mtb for everyday and for "best".
or when EVERY bike you pick up feels heavy.
My winter road bike, which gets ridden more than anything else, weighs more than my MTB! Despite my hating it at first I've grown to love it, and when I went back to my nice road bike a few weeks ago it felt horrible! That really is perverse!
You start to regard mountain bikers as unfit, overweight, kit obsessed idiots.
You buy a pair of overshoes.
you think its acceptable to spend over £500 on wheels..
the look on my other half's face when she goes 'you spent how much on a carbon bottle cage'?then after a futile weight argument which will inevitably descend into 'pull the other one fat boy' i'm reduced to the frankly pathetic 'but everyone else has got one' position.
to which she responds 'who? the rest of your gay mates.'
lol!
The correct answer would be to simply ask her how many pairs of boots, bags, coats etc. she has.
...you wonder why you still have that mountainbike you haven't used in 6 months
Amen - both MTBs languished in the shed for a couple of years before I finally 'let them go' and sold them. Getting the love back now, so it might be shopping time soon.......
On a Monday morning you realise you got more of a buzz out of the 35mph+ club sprint on the road bike on Saturday than you did in a 3 hour singleteack fest on Sunday. What's gone wrong 
All of the above.
But most of all, you run out of technical excuses on leg shaving and just agree it's because it's just the way things are.
Your mates you ride mountain bikes with start calling you 'Ay roadie'
You endlessly try to lighten your MTB and suddenly start thinking reducing rolling resistance as much as you dare is a good idea as you;ll be faster up hill.
You are faster up hill.
You have the option of a Giant Anthem or a road bike and you buy the road bike 'cos my current FS isn't that far off a XC whippet bike, honest
truly, i am roadie scum.....
Heh! 
ROADIE SCUM; OFF OUR STREETS!
What about Fixies though, they're scum, surely?
FIXIE SCUM; OFF OUR STREETS!
But the Roadies are scum as well, they're both lots of scum?
Oh yeah...FIXIE AND ROADIE SCUM, OFF OUR STREETS!
Doesn't have the same ring to it though if you include both, does it?
No, not really...
You drive the three plus hours to Glentress and go out on a road bike ride, then try a very lack lustre lap of the red the next day...
When you only wear shorts for racing.
I bought a road bike last year - while I do enjoy it, I'm afraid MTBing still takes MASSIVE priority.
Can't see myself ever preferring road biking but needed it to enter a few tris (open water swims, road rides, off road runs). I do enjoy the lightness, responsiveness and feeling of pure efficiency - mine's only a low rent 2010 Allez Elite but it still weighs naff all.
You go and buy something like this
When you 'out' yourself on a mountain bike forum.
I have taken steps towards the Dark side as I saw lots of lovely road bikes in Spring wizzing along the roads.
Anyway a Cycle to Work scheme voucher arrived and I pick up my Specialized Allez Sport tomorrow!
£25 a month for a year. You'd be mad not to.
I've gone past that stage. MTB -> CX -> Road, been there, done that.
Now THIS is where it's at...
When you realise that nailing it round a track at 40mph inches away from a dozen others is just as good as a nice singletrack descent.
Truly darker than darkside... 
Can't do it. Don't get me wrong. I love a road ride as much as most, but even my road bike has a mtb frame. I went the other way though, and rode my Pace for the first time in 2 months today after riding bmx exclusively for that period, the true darkside.
kingkongsfinger - MemberAlso as soon as you go for a ride on your MTB you feel you have to keep looking at the back tyre as you think you have a puncture constantly.
Sadly so true, however not enough to stop me using the mtb though
When you buy new shoes, gloves & helmet when you realise your existing kit doesn't match your bike.
When you end up riding a gold bike and don't have a problem with it.
thanks to Junkyard got a nifty ride, made a few upgrades and it's sweet, didn't realise it could be so much fun but in a completely different way to mtb !
For me it was the first time I thought “no I’ll go that way route as it has better & longer climbs” – that just wrong – I’ll be shaving my legs next
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