Working away from home and family

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Working away from home and family

32 posts & 24 voices | Started 4 months ago by Ishouldbeworking | Latest reply from totalshell

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Ishouldbeworking - Member

Long post, But basically long hours and home most nights or reqular 4/4 week rotation working away?

Currently I mainly work weekdays from 7.30 to 17.00, which means I get in at around 18:00 and spend an hour with my 18mo son before bedtime and give the missus a break. Then I have most weekends off. I also average 3 x 4 week stints offshore a year. This works pretty well for all of us.

It looks like 2012 is going to be busier at work, potentially a little more offshore, more weekends, and working past 17.00 meaning I won't see my son at all some days. The increased workload is welcome as I was getting a bit bored, however less family time worries me.

I've also got the option on a new job to work regular offshore for a solid 4 week stint followed by 4 weeks off. So much more time at home but also long periods away.

Any experiences / comments?

Posted 4 months ago #
prezet - Member

While growing up my dad worked off-shore doing those kind of stints.

It's quite hard on kids to have one parent away for so long. You kind of get used to just being with one parent, then the other comes home and the whole dynamic changes. In all honesty I think it affected my relationship with my dad. Ended up being much, much closer to my mum - at times my dad felt a bit like a stranger coming in the house.

It's better now he's retired, and we've grown much closer together. But think about it long and hard.

4 weeks on, 4 weeks off isn't so bad. My dad used to do 8-10 off, 3 on. Or when he was in New Zealand was away for 12 months (although we got to go visit him for a month, which was a nice time).

Posted 4 months ago #
clubber - Member

I wouldn't want to be in your shoes is my initial thought...

No option of a completely different job that actually gives you a better work life balance?

I think that being home more is better than the constant on/off of 4/4 that you mention - especially for young kids.

Posted 4 months ago #
Bregante - Member

For me personally (4yr old and 8yr old) I would feel 4 weeks away to be too long, (even when it is followed by 4 weeks at home). I know you can use Skype/ webcams etc to see each other but it really wouldnt be for me.

I currently work shifts which often mean I don't see my kids for two or three days at a time but we appear to be able to live with that. What does your other half think?

Posted 4 months ago #
ourmaninthenorth - Member

I'd stick with what you have - more of a weekly structure. While you may not finish early like you do now, you'll still have enough of the weekends to make up for the missing midweek time.

What might be worth thinking about is what else can you do to help your wife out (i.e. by not placing extra burdens on her)? What elements of domestic life can be outsourced to allow maximum family time at the weekend (I'm thinking cleaning, ironing, internet shopping, etc.)?

Posted 4 months ago #
prezet - Member

Also, they do sound like ridiculous hours to be working - are you happy doing that many hours a week? Sounds like the company need to employ an additional pair of hands rather than expecting you to do so many hours. IMHO.

Posted 4 months ago #
Ishouldbeworking - Member

Interesting to hear the kids view from prezet there, I appreciate that, realistically this would be for 3-5 years max before being purely office based.

The other half is leaning towards me being home most nights even if it means actually less time at home in total. Which I understand, but personally and perhaps selfishly I'm leaning towards more time at home total on a regular rotation.

Posted 4 months ago #
Ishouldbeworking - Member

Good points from our man in the north, when I work offshore currently we do get cleaners in etc. to make it easier at home.

Without getting in to the working hours debate, which appears now and again on here, I'm happy enough with 50 or so hours a week, it's lots less than I did pre family, and less than most at my workplace.

Posted 4 months ago #
weeksy - Member

i wouldn't do it personally. I've structured my working week so i have every evening with my boy (3 and 1/2) and all weekends. Into that i fit some MTB time and motorbike time and of course time with my missus.

I only have one son... i only expect to have one son.. seeing how much he can change as a person in 3-4 days away means your working structure wouldn' be an option for me.

Posted 4 months ago #
thisisnotaspoon - Member

but personally and perhaps selfishly I'm leaning towards more time riding total on a regular rotation.

3rd option, Abberdeen? Lodsa money, work flat you 5 days, get flights/trains monday&friday.

Posted 4 months ago #
prezet - Member

You could probably get away with a 4 off/4 on rotation while your kid is so young - they probably won't notice you not being around (not in a bad way). But definitely try to get out of the working off-shore life by the time they're 4-5. From that age they notice things alot more.

I can't really remember much from those years, but I remember knowing my dad wasn't going to be around for a while and never really understood why.

Posted 4 months ago #
trail_rat - Member

dunno

always promised my self that once i have kids id come back on shore

but tbh i didnt see much of my dad growing up - he worked long hours on building sites often away from home

then he had his own business during my teenage years and time i think this is what means he isnt a stranger to me ..... the more formative years in my growing up.

one of my mates showed nothing but hate for his dad - he was an oim on a rig in saudi..... he did 11 and 1 live in rotation and his wife refused to go to saudi with him (as would i )

Posted 4 months ago #
hora - Member

I'd stick with what you have - more of a weekly structure

As ourman' said above.

Look at it this way. You'd only see your son circa 1/2 a year.

Not just your son though, just as important- Is it fair on your partner/wife? Spending half her year alone.

Posted 4 months ago #
magowen100 - Member

I was about to make the same comment as Prezet above. At 18 months your son will not remember you being away, at 4/5 he will. If you can do the hours now so much the better.

Posted 4 months ago #
rocketman - Member

To echo prezet's post a friend worked away from home a lot and his marriage disintegrated.

His kids didn't know him and his mrs had got used to coping without him so when he did come home he was a stranger in his own house.

Kind of sad to watch it all unfold

Posted 4 months ago #
Ishouldbeworking - Member

Tinas - I escaped Aberdeen and made it here to Perth, Australia, no rush to go back soon!

Posted 4 months ago #
smogmonster - Member

To follow on Prezet...i have a 4 year old daughter, and was working 4on/4off until a few months back. It wasnt an issue until she became aware of me being away for a long period, and she became very irritable, emotional, etc...all the emotions you would expect. I now do 3on/3off and tbh, she still hates it, though not quite as much. It WILL break your heart when you have to leave and they are crying for you, so much so that im actively looking for a job now that will get me back ashore for good. I'll likely end up taking a 50% pay cut to do so, but the emotional distress makes the money almost irrelevant.

Hope that helps!!

Posted 4 months ago #
prezet - Member

It WILL break your heart when you have to leave and they are crying for you.

Yep, I remember those days. As a kid they hurt like hell - the best thing to do is explain to your kids why you're going away, explain what you're off to do etc. Send letters lots - try to find games to play through using letters/email etc. My dad did the odd letter, but never really explained much - so I ended up thinking it was my fault he was going away so often.

His kids didn't know him and his mrs had got used to coping without him so when he did come home he was a stranger in his own house.

I've watched plenty of my dad's friends over the years go the same way. Off-shore life, for divers at least, is very male dominated - so when the guys come onshore lots of them used to go off drinking etc. Probably not like that any more though as I guess people see it more like a career.

Posted 4 months ago #
sugdenr - Member

It will get worse (for him) as he gets older and interacts with you more if you are an involved dad. I know chaps who swapped london office for 4/4 because commute time meant there was little 'quality time' esp. with weekends spent re-charging and being taxi. I find it hard enough to switch off the highly charged work pressure mode when I get home, so I work projects now and find the single purpose work element helps, not juggling multiple client jobs. But I have refused all postings whatsoever (inc. Perth), just because I dont see much point if I cant see my family and fiddle with my s**t in the garage.

As an aside, Perth is so over-capacity with projects and under-resourced with real experience that there is never a better time to consider a sideways career move in the industry.

Posted 4 months ago #
randomjeremy - Member

Spend as much time as you can with your son. My father worked away for most of my life when I was growing up and I missed him terribly.

Edit: You can't get this time back!

Posted 4 months ago #
mk1fan - Member

Take the other job. Four weeks time off will be plenty of time to spend with the family.

Better than not seeing them during the week and then being exhausted and irratable at the weekend when you get to see them.

Posted 4 months ago #
konabunny - Member

As an aside, Perth is so over-capacity with projects and under-resourced with real experience that there is never a better time to consider a sideways career move in the industry.

I have absolutely no relevant experience or knowledge but imho if there's anything to this comment, run with it!

Posted 4 months ago #
thisisnotaspoon - Member

Ishouldbeworking - Member
Tinas - I escaped Aberdeen and made it here to Perth, Australia, no rush to go back soon!

As an aside, Perth is so over-capacity with projects and under-resourced with real experience that there is never a better time to consider a sideways career move in the industry.

Gizz a job then! (I'm in 'borro, for neither love nor money!)

Posted 4 months ago #
joemarshall - Member

I don't know if it's bad for them or whatever, but we both do work trips sometimes and our 18 month old notices if she doesn't see one of us for a week, and has done at least since she was one.

Sounds like a jolly difficult decision - we're really lucky here, both work 4 day weeks, often work from home, so not much commuting time, so we are able to be very much equal parents.

Posted 4 months ago #
trail_rat - Member

oddly i turned down a move intercompany to perth from aberdeen back in october

ive been to aus before and i cant think of anything worse than being in oz surrounded by expats and then due to our regions structure working in asia !

Posted 4 months ago #
Frankenstein - Member

In the same boat OP, I'll be away in Feb 0600-1900 and home to a hotel except Sundays if I'm lucky.

Posted 4 months ago #
grantway - Member

woow thats some hrs
You can always communicate with Skype
so at least you can see your family whilst
talking to them.

Posted 4 months ago #
peteroughton169 - Member

i changed jobs a month or so ago. got a 15 month girl, was only at home 4 days a month in the last job. now ive taken a 25k pay cut to work at home and i love it. its hard work though as ive taken some of the wifes workload as well as still doing a 50 hr week, but am so much happier now. get to see her for breakfast every morning and get to play with her and put her to bed at night. love it. pay cut hasnt really hit home yet and had to pay a lot of debts etc off and cut a few extravagances which will hopefully not be missed. best move ever. spend more time with the kids and family

Posted 4 months ago #
mactheknife - Member

There are 2 sides to the coin i with this one i reckon.

I work offshore and i feel the time off is a lot more quality time for the family as i get all day every day with them if we wanted. Compare that with an hour in the morning and an hour at night with your young ones. If your family can cope with the changes, ie you coming and going then i would defo give it some thought to working 4/4. But your wife has be on your side 100% because if she is not then your world will be a nightmare when you are away.

Also do u need any rope access inspectors out in oz, i know a top chap

Posted 4 months ago #
freeagent - Member

I work away a bit from time to time, not off shore but sometimes away for 3/4/5 nights.
So far I've missed my oldest daughter crawling for the first time, and the younger one taking her first steps - no big deal i'spose but you can't buy it back... my wife works full time awell so double hard work for her while i'm sitting about in hotels..

Posted 4 months ago #
mikewsmith - Member

As a single guy I hated the travelling away from home life in the end.

Ended up doing it with my missus, away all week back at weekends, not fun either

Now shes been in Oz for nearly 2 months and I'm cracking!!

Cant imagine doing it with Kids etc. The seasoned away from home guys I knew weren't a good advert for it. Look at alternatives in the full sense of the word. Life is short

Posted 4 months ago #
totalshell - Member

lifes for living not working.. i know your trying to cover your end,, but time with the kid and mrs cannot be bought at any price..

Posted 4 months ago #

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