"could have sworn i had taken my tablets"

saw one carved into an old headstone on an island in the middle of a scottish loch.

"my glass has run
Yours is running
Be wise in time
Your hour is coming"

quite liked that.

my mate wants "well done" on his as it's answer to almost everything.

Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

That will do me.

But you don't have a pilot's licence, do you?

And you're not Irish either, are you?

Go back to your dictionary of quotations and find something more fitting

"DNR"

It was the wallpaper or me.

"And then I said, 'Over my dead body'"

"you are standing on a landmine, see you soon"

" No, this is not his!"

" Any chance of some upskirt action?"

" get help!!! my broadband connection is down"

" urinating on my grave will only kill the grass, you simpleton!"

" shhhhh listen! I said… If you listen very carefully…. you can here a train coming"

" it's a bit dark… no no.. it's completely dark "

" I think I need another pillow"

" Has somebody lost a wallet"

" Your advert could be here! ring…. "

" How come they found Saddam Hussain… ???"

My head needs sorting 😀

Despite my Mum telling me that clean underwear is important, I've decided that the skid marks in my pants are less critical than the ones on the road.

WTF is he and how on earth did he get out of that coffin?

And you're not Irish either, are you?

Neither was the guy who wrote it.

DNF

"As addictive as crystal meth, as dangerous as heroin and as legal as pork pies "