Got an email the other day from a “Generation Consultant”… turns out to be a recruitment person.

On the breakfast news is a “Political Scientist”.. 😯 errr… thats a science

Political science is a social science which deals with systems of government, and the analysis of political activities, political thoughts and political behaviour.[1] It deals extensively with the theory and practice of politics which is commonly thought of as determining of the distribution of power and resources. Political scientists “see themselves engaged in revealing the relationships underlying political events and conditions, and from these revelations they attempt to construct general principles about the way the world of politics works.”[2]

errr… thats a science

errr yeah

I once sat next to a “change agent” and was none the wiser after he had kindly spent 20 minutes explaining what one was

http://study.com/academy/lesson/change-agent-definition-role-quiz.html
This web site might help a few people 😉

and was none the wiser after he had kindly spent 20 minutes explaining what one was

I meet people who can’t explain thier jobs all the time, not that uncommon.
(and part of my job probably covers “Change Agent” it is kind of what is says it is really)

We got an all staff email the other day telling us we’ve got a new ‘Head of platforms’

I didn’t read any further, so I’m not sure if it meant head of platform boots or head of platforms you perform on or what.

I once sat next to a “change agent” and was none the wiser after he had kindly spent 20 minutes explaining what one was

Put simply – If you gave him a fiver he’d give you three pound coins, two 50ps three 20ps, and twenty 2ps for the coin-pusher machine (which lets face it is everyones favourite).

Basically he’s the guy who sits in the kiosk in a seaside arcade.

We got an all staff email the other day telling us we’ve got a new ‘Head of platforms’

I didn’t read any further, so I’m not sure if it meant head of platform boots or head of platforms you perform on or what.
^ depends on the business?

in my world head of platforms would be the boss above the individual platform bosses/team leaders. where a platform is basically an operating system.. mobile, or windows, or mac os x.. but, it could also apply to differing social media platforms like facebook, twitter etc..

I’m a Programme Manager, the amount of times I get asked “do you make TV programs then”

I think it’s a silly title.

We have two admin guitarists at work.

I work in an industry where you still have a ‘Best Boy’.

My job title is ACCESS CONTROL FACILITATION TECHNICIAN,i fit doors and gates etc.

Im also Bike Blogger, someone who writes and films articles for social media about bikes and routes.Got told that the other day, till then i just thought i was a bit nerdy.

We have “Senior Client Directors” here.

Aka, “Salesmen.”

Had an email from a “Journey Consultant” the other day.

No, you are a “Travel Agent” at best. More likely you are a “Sales Advisor”.

Who ever came up with the job title is, without doubt, a “Pretentious Bellend”

“My client describes himself as a compulsory property transferrance executive, m’lud”.

in my world head of platforms would be the boss above the individual platform bosses/team leaders. where a platform is basically an operating system.. mobile, or windows, or mac os x.. but, it could also apply to differing social media platforms like facebook, twitter etc..

Or deputy station-master.

And wtf does “fat controller” mean? A dietician, a sewer cleaner, or Donald Trump? Really!

I’m in education liaison. Nobody who isn’t in EL knows what that means. We do very little liaising with education anyway. So I always say “degree salesman”. But in this enduro age it does seem appropriate that the liaison is the boring unpleasant bit between the good bits.

(also, pro tip- don’t put “liaison” in your email address because everyone misses out the second i)

Aren’t binmen now ‘Environmental Engineers’?

everyone misses out the second i

Especially pirates…. .and cyclops

Solution Architect

Merely because it makes a mockery of how much dedication, time and commitment it takes to become an Architect in the traditional sense.

change agent

Which word was it that you didn’t understand?

perchypanther – Member

Especially pirates…. .and cyclops

Though, not rastafarians or Neil Diamond

GSK have ‘Execution Managers’.

I guess with all the shenanigans they (allegedly) get up to, that the occasional ‘offing’ of one of their own is to be expected.

Cheif of platforms

Jetpac!

Awesome!

“Growth Hacker” is pretty common amongst startups and I bloody hate it. Such a **** term up there with anything with guru / ninja / rockstar in.

My job title is Technologist. What’s wrong with Metallurgist or Materials Engineer?

Maybe metallurgist is considered plasticist in these post-metal days. Perhaps you are a materialist.

AT my current contract location, every bugger seems to be Head Of Blahblah or Divisional Director of Somethingorother.

For instance, there’s the Head Of Cyber Security. Sounds impressive until you realise that he is the firm’s entire cyber security workforce.

Solution Architect

Merely because it makes a mockery of how much dedication, time and commitment it takes to become an Architect in the traditional sense.

Yeah, but the daily rate for a contract Solution Architect is enough to assuage any guilt they may have 🙂

Solution Architect

Merely because it makes a mockery of how much dedication, time and commitment it takes to become an Architect in the traditional sense.

I’m a project manger – working in Engineering.

As soon as you mention the ‘E’ word, people assume you either work in Kwik-Fit or do a job which involves driving a van with ladders on the roof.

change agent

Which word was it that you didn’t understand?

Har har, very funny. Must be another B-Ark occupant.

(also, pro tip- don’t put “liaison” in your email address because everyone misses out the second i)

If there’s one thing I can thank Ronald Hadlington for, it’s being able to spell li-bloody-aison.

I am officially a “Tower Lead”

Nope, not a clue either

My best ever job title was printed on my pay slip when I was at University and doing a year in industry. Printed in bold, right under my name was : CASUAL STUD

I guess they ran out of space for Casual Student or maybe they just knew me better than I thought…

My job title is Technologist

I used to be one of those, now I’m a technology associate.

A few favourites I’ve collected over the years (not by having them myself, I hasten to add), all real:

Internet Adventurer
Internet Executive
Spokesperson for the Potato Council
Director of Creation
App Dreamer
National Bowel QA Facilitator (With Public Health England)
Digital Prophet
Innovation Executive

and a fake one someone I know put on business cards for a conference:
Vice President of Synergies and Paradigms

fake one – I had Conceptual Engineer on printed business cards before Admin noticed

When I was a Delivery Driver I used to joke I was a ” field logistics manager ” quite a few young ladies fell for it.

Now I’m a Driving Instructor, I don’t go round telling people what I do if I meet them away from work. I just tell them I do driving risk assessments for fleet based corporate clients.

It’s not a lie, I’m qualified to do it, it’s just its a lot easier teaching learners.

If I say I’m a driving instructor I can’t get away from people, ” how much are lessons now ” , ” oh I remember when I took my test ……..” , ” I’d never pass now, what should I do when I come upto them new roundabouts, you know those…….”

How much are driving lessons now?

oh I remember when I took my test

Can you tell me anything about contesting a ticket for driving in a bus lane?

Jon Taylor – Member

change agent

Which word was it that you didn’t understand?

Har har, very funny. Must be another B-Ark occupant.[/quote]
Seriously it’s explains itself (that and the link up on page one sums it up nicely)

Me thinks some people are objecting for effect again.