I’ve just bought some of them 007 Viagra’s, apparently they make you Roger more 🙂

I was sat on the edge of the bed last night pulling off my boxers when the wife said to me “Please don’t do that to the dogs!”

Two parrots sitting on a perch.

One says to the other, “can you smell fish?”.

A toothless termite walks into a pub and asks “is the bar tender here?”.

My wife told me to get our ginger headed son ready for his first day at school,

so I punched him in the face and stole his dinner money

One goldfish talking to his friend

“Did you know that Goldfish only have a memory of 3 seconds?”
“Do they?”
“Do they what?”

For ages I’ve thought my Mrs had tourettes… now I realise she just thinks I’m a c***

I put a bet on a horse at 10-1. It came in at a quarter to two.

(Tommy Cooper)

Bloke robs an ice cream van. Points a gun at the woman and says ‘give me an ice cream’
“Do you want chopped nuts?” she asks
“Do you want your tits blowing off?”, he replies.

Just found out my uncle has died and left me a rolex.
Hope it’s not a wind up

WARNING!
Do not join the Tesco dating service.
I did and got a bag for life!

I just told some of those to a german colleague sitting next to me and we are both laughing a lot at the exaplaining that was required.

samuri – Member
WARNING!
Do not join the Tesco dating service.
I did and got a bag for life!

“like”

😆

I tried to make my snail go faster in a snail race by taking it’s shell off – to be honest, it just made it more sluggish

Two photons walk into a hotel.
Receptionist says “Do you have any luggage?”
Photon says “No, we’re travelling light.”

Very sorry – wife a physics teacher.