Never felt quite on the same train of thought with 90% of people who post on here, never seem to quite fit in a category, to which there are quite a few, think I’m in a minority, dare I say a purist.

You seem to have Downhill MTB’ers, Freeride MTB’ers, single speeders, trail centre only riders, commuter racers, 29er’s and people with homemade or cobbled together contraptions. What happened to the simple 26” h’tail with front suss or a 100 mm travel full bouncer, which can cope with 99% of the UK terrain.

As a Purist MTB’er you don’t need body armour, shin guards, full face helmet or even a helmet with a chin guard. What you do need however is a hard shell helmet, this must be worn at all times while riding. Peaks are acceptable, but frowned upon. Decibel, Atmos or similar is good form. No helmet, not a purist.

Purist MTB’ers don’t need a 45 litre rucksack for two hour rides stuffed to the gills with every “cool tool”, “Swiss army knife” and cotter pin remover even if it has a hydration system fitted. The reason for this is a Purist looks after his bike and very seldom, maybe once every five years or so has a mechanical failure, when this occurs they can usually limp home or worse case shoulder it and yomp home. The MTB may be muddy, but do not let that deceive you, it’s been checked over, bolts torqued, the chain and cassette is clean and lubed and the disc brake pads have enough life to see the ride out (rotors no bigger than 160 mm diameter), if the rides too long or conditions so bad they don’t last then use your skills to combat the lack of pads.
Hydration is strictly via bottles, if you drink a lot, down a litre before you set off and carry a spare bottle or two in your jersey pocket.

Food is anything you can carry in your jersey pockets. No ghey cake stops or any sort of food stop. Eat your food on the go, you should have the skills to do this, if not your not a purist.

Tools are a spare inner tube, attached to this is a small piece of tyre to fix any sidewall cuts and a reliable mini pump. When I say mini pump, not an aluminium anodized or 14g carbon tricknology one that you have never tested or does not work, despite having seen a review of it a magazine. All these items should be taped to the bike with insulation tape or a toe strap, the latter being better form. As for punctures these are infrequent as Stan’s no tubes are your friend (which is a piece of pi55 to set up despite people harping on every other week about compressors etc )

Tyres for this, tyres for that, YAWN. Most people’s skills run out far before the grip on a tyre does. If you are concerned what tyre to ride on your next burn up your not a purist. Skills, weight distribution and pressure are far more important than the actual tyre. If you’re a Purist you can get away with a set of Crossmarks or RRalph’s all year round.

Then there are the ubiquitous dropper posts. Oh my, how did we ever exist without them. If you can’t hang off the back of your saddle then your bike or belly is too big. Your leg length doesn’t change, set your saddle and ride the blood y thing. Purist have nailed the decent before you have fiddled with your post and are swiftly ebbing away in the distance.

¾ length baggies on a bike are ridik. It’s not Sunday shopping at Waitrose with flip flops and the kids in your Jeep with a “Fat Willy’s bumper sticker. Good Lycra shorts, padded, sorted. No undies underneath either, if you need telling, well you’re not a purist.

Single speed bikes, oh dear. Why go back in time and ride one. Maybe you’re an attention seeker or you cannot adjust gears, most SS women and bean lickers. Most SS people use them as an excuse for being slow, you do not fit into the Purist category, unless you where there in the conception, Re-pack.

People who spend several hours driving to get to a trail centre, then faff around in the car park for an hour “setting” the bike up and getting ready, only to mince around the trails for an hour and a bit. Arrive back at the trail centre café and ingest fivefold the calories they have spent. Drive home, what a waste of a day. Then on Monday morning tell all the office co workers that they had an extreme MTB day in the mountains, shredding the rad and emblemising the story within an inch of its life. Co workers stand there mesmerised, they can’t believe that you did that and missed the omnibus episode of Bellenders on TV.

I’m proud to be a Purist, been MTB’ing for over 20 years, most of you are doing it wrong. I have never needed all the cr4p that’s mentioned above.
Kulhavy, Sauser, Overend, Tomac, Baker, Absalon and Juarez to name but a few purists, massive respect.

I am a purist MTB’er although an amateur one and not anywhere near in the league of the chaps above.

Not sure how many are left that’s why I have posted this to see who’s left and understand ?!?!

i think , therefore i am a cyclist 🙂

What a load of bollocks

Don’t be daft,they are all bikes.It’s all a means to a similar end.Fun in the dirt.
But whatever floats your boat is fine with me.

( Me thinks this is a troll, but hey…. )

Dont be so aloof … purist my arse … let other people ride their bike how they want, and ask what they want …

I have registered just to salute the OP, I like your style.

Unfortunately I can never live up to it, I like all bikes; mountain, road, whatever.

No way i’m reading all of that!

wrecker +1

maybe most peolpe aren’t interested in tear arseing it around as fast as possible?

you come across as a right nob fella but i have to agree with you. 😆

Hmm, the MTB equivalent of Velominati hides within me thinks

What!!!!?

Nearly lost the will to live after reading that…

wrecker +1

A purist wouldn’t have bothered with posting on here for starters.. 😀

1/10

No, sorry. That’s too much.

1/20

What a dick.

Bit of a purist myself from the sound of things. Stans though? Far too parvenu to be considered on a purist’s bike. Maybe if you were using them 10 years ago when they were shit, then it’s allowable. UST for the real purists.

emblemising the story within an inch of its life

I refuse to be emblemised, I’m a free man.

Good trolling 🙂

Makes some good points and some rather silly ones. Clipperty clop.

Relieved to find I’m impure.

You kind of have the right idea, but come across as silly, unfortunately.

No helmet, not a purist.
I’ve been riding for longer than helmets have been around, sonny.

Hydration is strictly via bottles
I used a Camelbak in the 3 peaks in 1992, sonny.

No ghey cake stops
I agree, but ‘ghey’? do grow up lad.

Stan’s no tubes are your friend
Purists use inner tubes, like we have been doing from before you were born.

are far more important than the actual tyre.
So why do you have to recommend tyres by naming them? Fail.

You’re a purist wannabe.

Well, yes, and then again no. I think the world be rather dull if we were all alike, especially if we were all like your idea of “purity”.

Why do I get the feeling you read the Daily Mail and vote BNP?

Time to go back under your bridge.

It’s only wrong if you’re not having fun

I sort see what you mean but people should just do what they enjoy. If thats not the same as you then does it matter. Also, following you’re criteria how is Kulhavy a purist? He rides a carbon full sus 29er!

I struggle with long sentences.

but

I’m a purist and so’s my wife….

Um, she’s actually not that pure y’know…. 😉

Oh I know Crikey, I know…. 😀

Oooh, you could have said:

“and that, ladies and gents is why I married her!”

Badoom tish..

😆

Oh dear. This has hit too many nerves hasn’t it? It’s just a fun piece. Those with issues with it need to take themselves a bit less seriously.

i like that……………………..but everyone knows that i’m a eejit.

So you’ve discovered the one true mountain biking? I bet you were relieve to find out that you’ve been doing it right all this time and everyone else has been doing it wrong! Imagine your embarrassment if it turned out that the pure spirit of mountain biking didn’t exactly match your own self image!

Great. A list of all the choices you make and anyone who chooses differently is doing it wrong 🙄

Doesn’t hit nerves. Just pathetic self-definition by what you are not, rather than what you are.

Not surprised you have to search for how many like you are left. Tedious 2nd rate sad trolling.

not a manifesto. More a cry for help.

Hahahaha…. Tongey, you cup!

“Yo, imma gonna let you finish but PURIST MTBing is the best thing of all time. OF ALL TIME!”

The irony of screaming that all is lost and we need to return to roots, promptly following by getting out the ruler, setting strict definitions for said roots (not forgetting mandatory brand names) is not lost.

I cycled on a Soviet road bike made of fricking gas tubes, with tubular tires on icy roads with temperatures reaching -15C wearing a winter jacket which would be rejected by most charity shops. Where do I get my purist medal?

Top trolling though.

urm,

and the disc brake pads have enough life to see the ride out (rotors no bigger than 160 mm diameter),

you sell these quick before the purist post ?

simonm wins the inaugural STW Investigative Journalism PWNage Prize.

🙂

Merci.. to be fair.. he did flog them off before damning them 😀

Does anyone else get the feeling the OP dictated this post to a servant whilst sat on a queen anne chair in a wood panelled study, its like a 1900’s etiquette pamphlet for MTB debutantes FFS

is he a purist or just poor ?

Nice one OP I enjoyed that, apart from the SS bit in which you are clearly wrong.