Painted on a wall at Euston. The most famous of graffiti

"Turn back now, it's Grim up North"

Those cheeky monkey southerners with thier "LIES!"

Are you a Northern Bastard or a Southern Fairy?

Get a cab.

I'm going to walk, and watch the cheerful Londoners as they go about their business.
I'm still taking my butties though.

Don't drink the water down there. It's rubbish

You really do need my ex-fiancee Talkemada as your guide/minder. He's from the East End (ever so slightly wide-boy in personality) but I'm from the West (posh totty) hence our change of status. 😥

He knows where to avoid, is expert at ducking and diving, talks the lingo. Not sure whether he could understand yours though 😉

Actually Captain Flashheart has "good connections", he will be the perfect host. 🙄

my ex-fiancee Talkemada
My mind is boggling…..

Oh yes. He left me for a younger model. 😥

But we all still love him. 😀

Take an ipod and 18 packs of cigarettes which you'll listen to and smoke constantly, respectively, that way you'll fit in.

The last time I was down the smoke (a week – felt like a year) for a long period I witnessed the decider in identifying southeners and northeners. I went into a pub near Liverpool street station and some lads kicked off because the owner refused to sell any more beer to them.

After all the bank types and blokes with scarves on like girls wear them had sidled away quickly to other places (like the other side of the river) there was me, three lads and the aggressive chaps stood at the bar, turns out the three lads were from Leeds and were much obliged to the angry blokes, as was I.

I came to London on a course from sunny Yorkshire with it's lush hills and proper beer 10 years ago. I'm still here

Bloody foreigner. Come dahyn ear, push 'ouse prices up, moan all the time about 'ow yer can get a house, car, week's shopping, herd of cattle and a night out all for 79p Oop North, moan about the beer being too cold, moan about the weather being too 'ot, moan about how there's no countryside even though they never bloody visit it when they're back 'ome anyway and it's mostly us Southerners you'll find in beauty spots up there anyway, etc etc.

'Appy to take the money dahyn ear though, in't they? Bastards! Should have a special 'Northerner Tax', charge 'em double (oh we already do! 😀 )!

😉

I'm born and bred, lived all me life here, and am therefore far more qualified than anyone to offer advice, onion and information on That London. Anything you want to know, you come to me. I'll sort you right ahyt.

Flashy? 'Connected'? Only to the mains, during one of his kinky disturbing upper-class 'activities' with dubious Ladies of the Night….

Are you a Northern Bastard or a Southern Fairy?

"Do you own a mini-Disc player?"

WTF? 😯

Flashy? 'Connected'? Only to the mains, during one of his kinky disturbing upper-class 'activities' with dubious Ladies of the Night….

😆 Fred

The Captain doesn't exist! Who else on STW would refuse the opportunity of riding with 3 gorgeous girlies? 😯

Of course he may surprise me and come to the Winchester ride, I would naturally plant a smacker, but don't reckon it will happen. 😉

Guys – some of us London gals have moved to the Shires and have become refined. 🙄

Eee, don't get me wrong. I quite like some parts of Oop North. I went up to Bradford recently. Loved it. I really like that city. Leeds was ok, didn't really see that much of it tbh. Lovely art gallery. But Leeds pales in comparison to Bradford. Just doesn't have the character. I mean, Saltaire- lovely. If I was allowed to see Pippa B.T., then she might fall in love with me, and I could move up there and marry her, and have lots of little Talkemadas, and maybe open a cultural centre. Ah….

I don't like Warrington though. No. My friend Adam is from there, and in his own words, will 'never live there again'. Mind you, he wants to move out to Frinton, Essex, in a few years, so I don't count his judgement much at all really.