recently bumped into an old ‘ special friend ‘ from a couple of years back, we saw each other on and off for about 4 years, she loved me and I just used that to my advantage, deep down I had real strong feelings but wasn’t in a place in my life to offer her what she wanted/needed so just kept her at arms length and really broke her heart. I always wanted to apologise and have now have had the chance too and this has really upset me emotionally, we both have our own families now and she is about to get married and has a new child so this isn’t about rekindling old romance etc. Not even sure why I am writing this, probably because I can and its kinda anonymous on here but I just cant get my head round why its suddenly affected me now, so am trying to gain a better insight, so peeps share your wisdom with me

so peeps share your wisdom with me

Well let’s start with this :

“we both have our own families now and she is about to get married and has a new child”

So you know exactly what to do – move on and forget it. Sorted. Anything else on your mind ?

Walk away.

It’s guilt – it’ll pass. Just be glad you had a chance to tell her. It might make you both feel better about your own (separate) lives better in the long term.

It’s always a release to face someone you hurt and give them genuine remorse. Sounds like it’s probably been eating away at you for a while perhaps? How did she take your apology?

. . . deep down I had real strong feelings

which will always re-surface from time-to-time
.
You messed up then, so learn the lesson, and don’t mess up your life now

Guilt it is. Just trying to be a better person. Anything else on my mind??? Yes……where to take my dog for a walk this afternoon..lol..I know I may get a verbal bashing on here but gets my feelings off my chest without involving ones close to me

Apology went really well. She understood which was good. She contacted me firs

Apology went really well. She understood which was good. She contacted me firs

Hmmmm….
You said you ‘bumped into her’ ^^^
Are you being honest with us young man?

Anything else on my mind??? Yes……where to take my dog for a walk this afternoon

Ah ……. that’s a tad more tricky 😐

Got any more easy ones, like what to do about an old flame ? 😉

Via good old Facebook so no personal contact lol

Seems to me like you know the answer to this already.

There’s nothing further to be gained without repeating past mistakes. Think yourself lucky that you got to make peace and move on.

There’s a running joke on Mono about a Holy Trinity which between them have the power to cure all ills. These being a Lemsip, a bacon butty, and a wa ‘relaxing in a gentleman’s manner.’ I’d suggest you heed this advice, the latter at any rate.

Things didn’t work out for a reason, I found this lesson out to my cost a few years back. Old schisms resurface and you end up back at square one with emotional turmoil thrown in for good measure.

The fact that you’ve apologised and seem to want to move on is an extremely good thing though.

Am feeling better already… cheers guys…… has been on me mind for so long now….

Ask her to give it another go.

@ derek_starship…. if I and her where single maybe….but we have our own lives now and more harm than good would be done so its not even crossed my mind

SUMO time (Shut Up and Move On)!

Druidh put it best for me when he said:

“I don’t believe that there is only one person in the whole world for each of us. Chances are that you’ll meet several potential partners, before, during and after any ongoing relationship.”

He’s right. I share your pain; there’s a girl I treated in a very similar way, and now I’m sort-of friends with.

Its hard. Sometimes I look at her and think: hmm.

But then: my wife is lovely, and my kids are lovely, and that’s always worth fighting for.

I know now, years later, that it could have worked with her, but you know what? It didn’t. And there’s a family who needs me very much. And maybe in a few years time, I’ll meet someone new who’ll stir me up too.

But hopefully now that I’m older, maybe wiser, I’ll use that experience to identify where I’m falling down in my own life, and work on the gaps.

Be strong, and realise this (and this may not be a comfort):
you don’t need to move on, because time has passed and, sadly or not, you’ve both inevitably already done so 🙂

Well put cody

I know now, years later, that it could have worked with her, but you know what? It didn’t. And there’s a family who needs me very much. And maybe in a few years time, I’ll meet someone new who’ll stir me up too

have you already decided to leave your wife?

queer old attitude that mate.

Accept you have given her an apology due to your guilty feelings but move on, don’t have contact with her. We all have fond memories of people in the past but remember you can never re-kindle what it was. If you split up there is a good reason for it, don’t look back just look forward. Now take that dog out for a walk and give you girlfriend/fiancee/wife a kiss.

nonk – Member
> And maybe in a few years time, I’ll meet someone new who’ll stir me up too
have you already decided to leave your wife?

queer old attitude that mate.I took it as “I may well meet someone who would be/would have been a potential partner”. That doesn’t mean he’ll necessarily do anything about it.

Druidh is right: apologies for not making that clearer.
Its inevitable that I (and my wife, of course!) will meet someone else who’ll knock us for six through the course of our lives. Its up to us though to look at what we’ve got and keep fighting for it.

ah right, apologies i see what you mean. yeah it’s all part of growing up i guess being able to turn your back on the exciting stuff that you might of got into with both feet as a youth. boring isnt it 😆

Swampi….exact same thing here really, a good long time ago (17 years) i had a girlfriend , she was ace, really nice person and a great personality, not particularly attractive more girl next door type . Anyhow i acted like an arse and had a one night stand under the influence of alcohol etc(not excuse), why no idea, i do know better. I went away to Germany for a few weeks came back and all was frosty, my “friends” had told her what i’d done because she didn’t deserve it (more like they wanted her) so she binned me there and then, not surprisingly.

Ever since i have felt awful about it and wished i’d never done the dirty deed, have always wanted to apologise, obviously life has moved on i’m married kids etc but still have nagging thoughts about this. Whilst on Facebook i have come across her and wondered whether to contact her for the exact same reasons as yourself, but i really don’t think it would be wise or i am not brave enough to rake up old stuff or feelings. Not really sure it would achieve much, it would maybe stop me feeling guilty, who knows??

Just thought i would share that with you.

For all of you who are pouring your emotions out in public about old flames…i hope your partners/wives/husbands don’t read it!

One would assume that there’s no secrets to be kept from current partners, n’est-ce pas?

I’ve… had my moments in the past, but I’m reasonably sure that there’s nothing I’d be uncomfortable about my OH knowing that she doesn’t already know.

The past is the past, anyway. Far better to look forward, You can’t change what you were but you can change what you are.

Cheers guys for sharing your thoughts. Its appreciated. @Petergriffin: there isnt anything here that she doesnt know. Its not about wanting to see an old F##K buddy but more about how its made me feel, some timesyou need outside opinions on things….

stay away far away.. i played all these stupid games in another life and there are no winners stay far away destroy all contact details never never go back..

Guilt it is. Just trying to be a better person

You already are

In the old days someone would have suggested something far ruder involving an otherwise strictly one way access route. I think I prefer the new STW.

talking to old flames via facebook…

you’ll be on jeremy kyle in a couple of weeks.

She contacted me firs

Did you get wood?

Its normal to feel emotional when stirring up tough things from the past, particularly things you have felt bad about.

My parental family split up 15 years ago. In the long run its been the best thing. I still cry if I talk about it much though, even though I would not change the past. Its just how it is. Even if you dont regret the long run and feel happy now, digging around in the past stirs up all sorts of emotions you sat on at the time. they are not a threat to your present life, only painful echos from the past. Feel them, don’t fear them, they just want a bit of air 🙂

did i get wood lol. Missed that spelling mistake… now jeremy kyle… could be a free day out.. cheers for the words of wisdom in true STW style

never go back……..

Nail her – you know you want to.

Is this about the right time in the discussion to suggest smashing her back doors in, “for old times sake”?

That was my first thought bigyinn, but I got told off last time I did…

Lol could not possibly smash the ol back door in as she was not that type of girl…plus had a bad experience once lol