The more humourous the better.

I'll start with

'she's got a face like Ronsealed spaniel'

"sweating like Vegas Elvis in a squash court" (robbed from The Thick Of It)

"fatter than a tub of lard"

"dancing like a spastic bambi on an ice rink"

'She has a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp'

or

'She has a face like a bulldog licking P1$$ of a nettle'

These are similes mate.

face like a melted wellie

looks like their face was on fire and someone tried to put it out with a spade

(i should point out we aimed these at blokes, well one bloke really. poor bastard. anyway the point is im nasty but not sexist)

similies or not

tighter than a camels arse in a sandstorm

These are similes mate

thats a rubbish one

😉

Last time I saw an arse like that it had a tranqiliser dart stuck in it.

"As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit"

4 posts before we have an English teacher pointing out the errors of our ways.

The usual STW then 🙄

Like he said there are similes and metaphors. An example of an analogy would be the topic posted below entitled 'how to steal bikes'

It was like a tin of vim with a sheeps heart on top.

Its like a Hippos Yawn… 😐

LOL very good.

…battered old thing hanging there like a turkeys neck

tits like 2 naan breads

on the sweating front-sweating like a nun in a cucumber shop

Sweating like a glass blowers arse.

Sweating like a dyslexic on Countdown.

"It's like a button mushroom in a clown wig" God bless Joy from My name is earl 😀