For me personally it would be a all mountain full sus bike with a 62kg rider weight limit 🙂 Every item would be custom made to be all mountain performance, feel and stiffness but without having to cope with 16 stone riders battering the hell out of it.

@ Clink

course you can, I’ll build mine, rag it, if it doesn’t fall apart I’d be happy to build for someone else aswell. 🙂

I dont get the 456/ragley nu’skool angles, the seats are wayyyyyyy too steep for efficient climbing with a lockdown fork, fine with a lockout, but not lock-down.

They’re fine with an unlocked fork too. I can’t be arsed with all that levers and up/down nonsense. Just ride and up and down. Lock down forks are cludges for old bikes which people are trying to shoehorn more travel onto.

Any cables/hoses that run the top tube must be at 3 o’ clock on the rhs. You sit on the top, you carry on the bottom and the chainset on the right means you have the left side of the TT against your ear.

A santa cruz chameleon, but no EBB. Sliding drop outs. Better welding to keep water/mud out.

If it was possible to make it stiffer and lighter that would be nice too..

A maxle rear end would be awesome.

Graphene frame (look it up, it’s the shizzle), which would also have the capacity to house computer magic bits in the fabric of the frame. Therefore computer display in the toptube. It lights up too, with the capacity for internal battery holding in the tubing for night duty.

Non stick mud ejecting coating, vast tyre clearance and a gizmo which adjusts the BB height without adjusting the travel front or back.

Half rear end like a lefty (it’s graphene, so 200 times stronger than steel) with adjustable geometry allowing different wheel sizes to be used without needing wasted frame; longer travel 26″ or shorter 29″. Twinned with an adjustable height fork you’ve got a lot of options. Nothing clamping around the frame, everything integrated. Cables/hoses internally routed (but easy to replace/adjust).

Well, while I’m inventing: my name on the inside of the chainstay (in that safe but slightly radioactive glow in the dark stuff). Concealed drivetrain and flared tubing to function as mudguards, it would be a crime to attach them to such a beast.

Pure adjustable stealth 😈

Herman Shake, if you did ever get that, would you dare to ride it?

Yes, but I’d make use of my lack of reality to get 2! One for looksies, one for ridesies.