Sorry I’m not looking for sympathy but I just need to ‘vent’ a bit.

My 82 year old mum was diagnosed with cancer last month, originally thought to be ovarian, but it’s primary peritoneal cancer. Anyway she’s being sick, can’t eat but chemo starts today and she’s there just now in fact. My dad died 9 years ago so it’s just me and my sister to sort things out, my sister lives in Pinner, my mum lives in Glasgow and I live 20 odd miles from my mum. So although my sister has been great I’m kinda in the firing line.

To add to that my wife got a call from her sister, her sister and dad live in Wetherby, on Sunday evening to say her dads been taken into hospital. He’s got emphysema, which is pretty bad, but his liver is now failing and his heart is giving up. My wifes mum died two years ago. My wife went down there on Monday morning and she’ll be staying for the foreseeable future. I can’t get to see her cause I need to be here for my mum but I desperately need her.

We have a fantastic 13 year old son and he must feel like his world is falling apart, I know I feel like mine is.

I can’t focus or concentrate on anything and I probably look fine on the outside but I’m all over the place and just feel like running away – not that I would though.

Blubbing a bit now and none of the above probably makes any sense but it’s made me feel a bit better.

I’m usually a very uncomplicated person and I’m finding all this so hard to take.

Can’t wait to see my son when he gets back from school.

I’m all over the place and just feel like running away

You’re only human. Perfectly normal way to feel.

Concentrate on the things you have control over.

All the best.

Hang in there man, things will get better.

It’s fine. I’ve been there very recently. You fell like running away, but you won’t – especially as you already realise that your son is relying on you too. Think about time off work (if you can) to give you some less stress.

Arrange for your sister to come up soon – I’m sure she will if she knows the seriousness, and take the opportunity for a break from it, even if that’s just visiting the in-laws and your wife.

Yeh they will get better, and I know they will possibly get a lot worse first. It’s the worrying that’s the worst part, I’m not normally a ‘worrier’ but I can’t stop myself at the moment.

Work have been fantastic, I know I can take time off when I need to, off yesterday and today to sort my mum out.

My sister is on holiday this week in France and she’s just called me in a state too, she has been great though and she;ll be up when she gets back. It’s not easy for her either as her hubby is away most weeks on business and they have two kids.

Hang in there mate, I know how you feel. Try to support to each other and when it’s tough remember you still have your wife and son and they need you. Have some time out and go ride, get drunk or just walk but it helps and you’ll feel so much better for it.

We are all fallable and a good cry helps to!

Im sorry to hear about your struggles. You are stronger than you think.

Peace xxx

Sorry to hear all that – a lot to deal with all at once. Stick together as a family and let your son know that although things are all over the place and chaotic, your family is as strong as always and you will all pull through. If he is reassured and confident that the adults are dealing with the situation then that will be a weight off your mind so you can concentrate on your mum.

All the best.

I’m genuinely sorry to hear about your troubles. My sympathy.

I do have a 13 year old son, though, and I can only imagine that you could really benefit from giving him a hug when he gets home, and sitting down for a real heart-to-heart, old man to young man.

(You may already do this, so please don’t think I’m suggesting you don’t.)

I just know that I have been amazed at my childrens’ understanding when I have sat down with them, and really poured my heart out.

Well that is one of the benefits, our son has been giving me lots of hugs, not the sort of thing you normally get from a grumpy 13 year old.

I don’t think it would be right for me to burden him too much, yeh I’d love to pour my heart out to him, just not sure it’s the right thing to do.

I feel your pain (my mum is about to start chemo too, dad left us 2 years ago) and I don’t quite know how to say anything that may help, but here goes… just focus on things one at a time and accept you can’t do everything at once and you may make some wrong decisions along the way. And be there for those near to you. I am sure your son will deal with things in a typically robust teenage way.