last night , as I drifted off to sleep , I heard someone say my name . Not out loud but in my head, enough to make me open my eyes. I then noticed that the TV had switched itself on. Got a bit freaked out , went into the lounge with a cricket bat and saw on the TV that a programme was on where they were trying to solve a mystery of must have been 20 dead bodies on the floor .

Didn’t fall asleep again for a while after that.

*wrong forum sorry still bricking it obvs.

Got me stumped.
RM.

cricket bat isn’t going to help wi’dat shit

“crucifix and holy water – get your crucifix and holy water. Two hundred quid, the pair” (email in profile; ad on classifieds. PPG only)

Scary stuff – must have hit you for six.

This goes beyond the boundary of rational reaction.

classic gaslighting, your missus is trying to send you crazy.

I think you fielded it rather well.

Woke up wide eyed? Maybe make extra sure the TV is off next time..
Bye

AH, damn ! too busy selling to get with the puns – what a slip; I’ll bet they’re all run out by now 🙁

That would have bowled me over.

You are all Test ing my patience as you think I am being silly (mid off) . It was edgey and I am not Over it

All these puns, what’s the point?

*NEWS FLASH*

Police in either Bournemouth or Sweden are looking into a mass murder. About 20 bodies have been discovered. Initial forensic examination believe the main suspect may have been an insomniac with a cricket bat. 😆

Boycott that TV channel.

Boycott that TV channel.

And give it the Bird?

Some people like to make a silly point.

Give it a rest, Botham (both of) you.

This is all Gatting beyond a joke. Willis ever end?

I’m sure it will all Pietersen out soon

Did you have a shot prepared?

What if the intruder was bald and shinier on one side, would you have accounted for swing?

There should be a Warne-ing about all the Waugh-ull on this thread.

Anyway, on the TV show, did they use chalk to draw a bodyline around all the victims?

It’s Benaud-ver all the news channels today. Police are looking for a man with one short leg and one long leg. They’re cancelling leave to bring in extra cover. Is there even a point to this, he’d run out of the vicinity well before they could make a catch.

The Police Commissioner’s making a statement later on the TV. He wants to look his smartest though, so his wife’s popping creases into his uniform as we speak.

Rumour is they’re bringing in a Sri Lankan specialist for investigating terrible cricket related punnery. DI Muralitheran would have got here sooner, but he’s had a nasty stomach bug. Muttiah’s a bit flat, he’s been up all night chucking.

Some people are thinking out of the box for these puns, others are just padding.

What you need is a Holy Cricket Bat

The batsman is Holding the bowlers Willey.

do you have a shot prepared?
What if the intruder was bald and shinier on one side, would you have accounted for swing?

LOL there was significant cloud cover last night

Never pre-empt your shots I was told during burglar smashing in the face with a bat coaching.

Why did my TV turn itself on? 110% it was turned off before bed

110% it was turned off before bed

Googly eyes?

Before you went to sleep, did you get your leg over?

I bonked yes.

On the bike ride that evening on the way home.

I think the OP sounds like a wrong’un. Bat shit crazy. As for an explanation – I’m stumped.

OP – do you know why I’m so fat?
Cos everytime I sleep with your wife, she gives me a biscuit 🙂

Corking story! Maybe it was Willow the Wisp.

Have you tried googlying the answer?

Did a fly slip bye?

Before you went to sleep, did you get your leg over?

N’ah, it was a full toss!

Where was the remote when this magical TV turned on event happened?
Do you have pets (or large cockroaches)?

if its a ghost make sure you tonk it in the gangulys

Remote was on the coffee table , no pets . Mystified

Saw this on Twitter the other day;

“An old man (82) has been arrested in the northside of Cork City for pointing his Sky remote into strangers houses and turning on Babestation”

maybe he’s moved on?

“An old man (82) has been arrested in the northside of Cork City for pointing his Sky remote into strangers houses and turning on Babestation”

Jees, some people have wives who believe that ?!