This morning I was greeted (yet again) by two giant turds. One in the back garden, one on the front lawn. I have reached the end of my tether regarding dog poop and so I am reaching out to STW for help and advice. And most likely, puns, arguments and animated gifs.

Anyway here are the facts. There are two dirty dogs doing these poos. One is a Labrador which I quite like, and it’s owned by a neighbour who I am friends with and wish to remain so. The other culprit is an Alsatian owned by someone I do not know and have never spoken to, they live about 500 metres away. This dog is actually something of a nuisance having previousky attacked and injured the lab, it attacked an elderly lady walking past and it attacked a mother and two young children. Garda have been out repeatedly and it’s apparently not allowed off their property. Of course I’ve seen it walking around my house most nights when it sets off the lights.

There’s no way I can keep either dog from getting onto my property if they want, and since I don’t want to hurt the lab in any way what are my options regarding dissuading them from crapping on my lawn?

*may not technically be a megathread. terms and conditions apply. check your own lawn for further

rub their nose in it

Put the dog shit on the door steps of the dog owners property..

It’s not the dogs that’re the problem here. It’s the owners.

Don’t thank me, thank Farmer Giles.

Cut the Alsatians head off and place it on a spike on your lawn, this will frighten the lab off. Job done.

Lion faeces should do the trick. 😈

Return to sender.

It’s not the dogs that’re the problem here. It’s the owners.

The owners are shitting in the garden?

Eat nothing but all bran for 3 days whilst taking imodium then curl one out on the lawn that is big enough to show your dominance and they wont do it again… trust me

The owners are shitting in the garden?

Dressing up in dog costumes first but yeah, probably.

Both owners allow their dogs to roam freely at night?

can you use a stun gun to Polish a turd?

Dogs are territorial therefore you need to demonstrate that this is your territory and that you are big and aggresive enough to defend it. Like this:

maccruiskeen – Member

can you use a stun gun to Polish a turd?

I see it.

Okay, has anyone bought any kind of motion activated dog repellent? Or any of the sprays? do they work?

Fence?

surely you want to repel before it shits rather than during

Mace, apparently it’s good for taking out bloody great Bengal tigers!

Airgun?

ads678 – Member

Fence?

I have a fence, and a hedge. But they sneak in through little gaps. I think what’s going on here is that these two bitches are having a territorial dispute and my garden is no mans land.

jekkyl – Member

Airgun?

Need a firearms licence to own one here. Would cost the same (and require the same application to buy a .22 rifle.

It’s the owners, nothing enrages me more (that’s a lie but it’s right up there) than dog owners who don’t pick up.

It really really grinds me, I have a puppy, he’s about 4 months now, and it’s so easy and cheap to dispose of the poop by carrying some poopie bags, and I’m well aware of how annoying it is to others to get it all over thier shoes or bike tyres.

There’s simply no excuse for it.

Bizarrely it’s a problem in my town rather than further out on the canal..

.. That said there is a nature trail nearby and I sat down on the bench only to realise the surrounding floor, and subsequently my shoes were covered in dog crap.

It’s not a dog thing, it’s an irrisponisble dog owner thing.

Mace, apparently it’s good for taking out bloody great Bengal tigers!

I’d imagine a mace is pretty effective but I’d feel safer using something with a longer handle

mattyfez – Member

It’s the owners,

Yes it is, but they aren’t taking them for walks and not scooping up – they are letting them out for their late night dumps and they are sneaking into my garden. In fairness to the Labrador owner she did spot it doing a poo once and came round with a shovel and got rid but the other crowd…..I suspect they know but don’t care. That being said they could easily deny all knowledge since my house is on up and hill and round a corner from theirs and surrounded by the afformentioned hedge.

has anyone bought any kind of motion activated dog repellent

Punch the owner square on the nose if they don’t clean up.

Ask them politely and offer them a poopie bag first tho.

I have a fence, and a hedge. But they sneak in through little gaps

the ‘little’ labrador and alsatian sized gaps? 😆

Don’t rub the dogs’ noses in it. They’re nothing but mammals
Doing shit like they do on the Discovery channel
It’s the owners
Who let the dogs out

So rub their noses in it

Sorry, I don’t condone violence, but as a bike rider and dog owner, I find it repugnant that people can leave dog shit laying about.

What Cloudnine & Jamie said, except take photos of said dogs having dumps.
Take each dump (in bag or otherwise) leave on doorstep/post through letterbox/whatever, with photos as evidence.

Place offending tolie inside paper bag, place said bag on owners doorstep, and set on fire.

Chap door, walk away.

Owner comes out in his tk maxx faux suede moccasins and stamps out fire.

Shitey moccasins for him, smug warm feeling for you*.

* we may have did this as kids….

maccruiskeen – Member

I have a fence, and a hedge. But they sneak in through little gaps

the ‘little’ labrador and alsatian sized gaps?
[/quote]

You’d be surprised what they can get over, or under when correctly motivated. Bottom line is I can’t make my entire property completely dog proof. Nor do I want that hassle.

Replace your entire garden with lava

Trebuchet, either small for the shit or large for the dog.

That’s a great idea brakes! Trap a bear and then keep it in the garden. No way will the dogs be laying a trespass log then.

Every time you need to visit the toilet, go knock on your neighbour’s door, and when he answers it, walk straight past into the loo. Once in place, do your business, avoid any use of air freshener or open windows, and leave.

Just don’t forget to wash your hands.

PIR sensor linked via a relay to a 12v car battery. The relay is attached to an electric car window winder which is in turn linked to a hozelock power activator and either a sprinkler (or in my case, the pressure washer). This rig managed to permanently stop the neighbours cats shitting on my gardens.

Or just buy a paintball gun.

I used a catapult to end my cat crap problem.