[Closed] dodgy office goings on

A finance assistant who didn't know what to do with cheques received by the department - so she stuffed them down the back of the radiator behind her desk. For years.

Eddie stobart wagon swerving all over the M6, as i passed i could see him knocking one out at the wheel.

so she stuffed them down the back of the radiator behind her desk

its just taken 3 women to put up the office christmas tree...

A business I worked for had a new MD join.

A few weeks later a new sales person " he knew" joined the business. This was when redundancies in other pars of the business was occurring.

Turns out he was shagging her.

Two business i know have employed individuals who are not who they say they are. One was a thief and the other one was away with the fairies.

One sales guy headbutted what he thought was a plastic partition. It wasn't it was glass which shattered over a female employee on the other side. He wasn't sacked for that. Nor was he sacked for throwing another sales guy through the double door entrance. That was in the 80's though.

I sold windows for a while in my youth which was a total scream. On one sale we all got high and they got the windows at cost.

slowmart, I need more of your stories!
I once worked at a machine shop for a short while. The accountant was nicknamed R2D2 as he wandered into offices making bleeping noises. He was caught stroking one out whilst sitting in the MD's chair one evening.

maccruiskeen - Member
A finance assistant who didn't know what to do with cheques received by the department - so she stuffed them down the back of the radiator behind her desk. For years.

Now that is funny!

Someone I worked with had a drink problem (at work) and despite immersing herself in a seething cauldron of perfume you could still smell it.

She used to try and disguise her habit in the most childish ways imaginable but sadly she didn't fool anyone. After jumping through all the disciplinary hoops she was suspended and eventually drank herself to death.

Tragic she was a lovely person but she couldn't beat the booze.

Ok this is not one of mine, but a good friend told me of an incident at his mill a few years ago.

One of the female accounts staff cycled into work regularly and left her bike at the bottom of the stairs into the first floor offices from the mill floor.

At lunch time she came out of the office to pop out for dinner and caught red handed one of the floor lads sniffing her saddle, full length.

Cant recall the implications but he was proper banged to rights.

One of my former colleagues was sent to the far east to do some work. Whilst out there he engaged the services of some local ladies of the night. He videoed the ensuing entertainment, asking them to namecheck the company midway through. Our owner saw it. He wasn't fired. His wife saw it. He was divorced.

Every office I've worked in there always at least one major fatty. A man or woman whose sheer bulk could've carried it's own gravitational field.

Again a friend of a friend story... Think he was working for Orange or somesuch in Bristol. He was a dead-cool surfer type: blond, tanned, toned, good looking and married to an underwear model. He was caught cracking one off in a cubicle in the Ladies, and using a mirror on the floor (under the partition) to watch the female occupant in the next cubicle.

I kid you not.

I heard that some people spend most of the day at work posting on internet forums, I don't believe anyone can have time for that.

A manager at my first place of work would "motivate" the staff by bringing a baseball bat to meetings. Basically what he said was gospel, or else. If you had the pleasure of being called up to his office for additional motivation he would sit and punch a teddy, explaining that it would be you next.

I didn't believe any of it at first, but the fist baseball bat meeting with him in the affectionately called war room confirmed it. I was a bit intimidated to say the least. However, when i was called up to the office fro some minor indiscretion, the punching teddy bear thing made me burst out laughing.

On one sale we all got high and they got the windows at cost.

I think your customer posted the same story on here a couple of weeks back.

Oh, no, it was TV sales.

http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/how-abusive-can-you-be-to-cold-callers#post-4402852

Is the guy in Spacemonkey's vid doing what I think he's doing with the finger on his left hand?? Dear god... 🙄

Edit: Ah, too hot for Drac's tastes? 😉

I used to work with a guy who was caught in the ladies toilets collecting pubes from the under the toilet seats.
He had a matchbox that he used to store his (other peoples) pubes.

My nickname for him was not so imaginative: "The Pube-Collector".

He wasn't fired :-O

Ah, too hot for Drac's tastes?

Not all, it was funny but it breaks the rules on here.

My nickname for him was "The Pube-Collector"

Why? Oh wait I get it now.

people are farckin animals hahaha

I've worked with a guy who IV'd amphetamines. He was a very productive worker!

He had a matchbox that he used to store his (other peoples) pubes.

My nickname for him was not so imaginative: "The Pube-Collector".

[img] http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTH1UW2NpXyq6YS_zCVu-M0uapOyPw9f3QIUIFygyHKAoziROJMe7vg4kfC [/img]

Love this thread!

Have worked in some pretty mental sales offices in my earlier career - hourly call stat KPIs, no seats, miss your KPI and then have to hold the only chair in the office above your head for the next 15 minutes while you carry on pitching. Drop it and get sacked.

Bosses nicking leads and keeping the commission on deals.

Physical punchups between sales reps to get the best leads (deliberately put out to several to create a dog eat dog culture).

While it was a nasty, tough environment at the time, looking back I laugh lots and actually realise it's made me incredibly resilient but also very aware of stuff NOT to do now I am a sale manager myself. But there will always be an element where I think back on it fondly in a "train hard fight easy" kind of way..... 🙂

I could tell you a few stories about the company I work for involving the owner and his secretary, the MD and his secretary, the boardroom table, some unpleasant surprises and some overheard conversations but I need my job for another nine years and most of the characters involved are still here. Suffice to say that "you couldn't make it up"!

Contractor at one of our overseas sites fell in love with a local 'lady', who mostly stayed with him in his accomodation when he was there.
It took him a stupidly long time to reaslise that when he was on rotation she mostly stayed with anyone and everyone else, and that this was her living.
He went loopy, blamed the company for allowing it to happen and spent 3 years waging war trying to get the company prosecuted for anything and everything you can imagine - finally declared a 'vexatious litigant' by judge.
He was most definitely fired.

I could tell you a few stories about the company I work for involving the owner and his secretary, the MD and his secretary, the boardroom table, some unpleasant surprises and some overheard conversations but I need my job for another nine years and most of the characters involved are still here. Suffice to say that [b]"you couldn't make it up"![/b]

Pics, or you made it up 😉

Sales Director leaving a voicemail on who he thought was a colleague's phone but was in fact the owners eldest son who worked for the business.

He then dedicated the next few minutes verbally assassinating the MD, the MD's wife who worked in accounts and their two salesman sons.

Not one week had passed then the sale manager left a disparaging voicemail about the same eldest son on his voicemail.

Both kept their jobs but sent to Coventry.

Which says it all.

I work in education, the amount of shagging that goes on is amazing. Almost half the staff are on their second marriges and all to members of staff who they worked with. The stories are off the chart.

1) A Tester who was obsessed with Goth Porn - 3 warnings and he still didn't learn - so he got sacked.

2) Also worked with a suspected former terrorist who attempted to assassinate the King of Spain - true story!

Every office I've worked in there always at least one major fatty. A man or woman whose sheer bulk could've carried it's own gravitational field.

[img] [/img]

Wife's work (a large, well known insurance company):

Rather nasty chap, obese, smelly, rude, turns out to be having an affair with woman in his team, who is useless, but amazingly been getting promotions.

Wife of nasty chap finds out. Is not pleased. She finds a business continuity document he has left at home. This has many many senior people's email addresses. Including the MD's.

Wife of nasty chap emails all the people on the business continuity list photos of nasty chap in compromising positions in a gimp suit.

Friend of wife also slaps useless girl in office. Gets suspended.

Nasty chap & useless girl still work there.

True story. I've seen the pictures.

Drac - Moderator
I heard that some people spend most of the day at work posting on internet forums, I don't believe anyone can have time for that.

Private sector innit.

I came back from lunch only to stumble on a colleague who was cracking one out while watching internet pron during lunch break. He nearly had a heart attack when he saw me appearing in front of the door. He tried to pretend he was working and nothing was happening with one of his hand kind of like pressing onto his trouser to prevent his budgy coming out ... and spoke to me in a rather high voice tone. I just pretend I did not know what he was doing and went out for a fag. Thinking back I could have jumped around the office laughing my head off ... 😈

not strictly an office tale, but...

about a thousand years ago in australia i worked in a drive through off licence. the manager was always super keen to do extra work in one of the other branches that had a shop element as well, one day he told me why.

under the main shop floor was a cellar, and a hole had been strategically drilled in the floor at the excact spot where folk stood to pay at the til. so when an exceedingly easy on the eyes young lady would be buying booze they would take it in turns to run down below and have a look up her skirt.

and no, i never did.

I know a chap through work...

...who chopped his wife's head off!

True story - I've known of him for a number of years, but he now works at a company I used to work for. Caught her in bed with another fella and flipped. Did time for it, but a lenient sentence for a 'crime of passion'.

True story. I've seen the pictures.

fairs fair - having told the story you are obliged BY STW LAW to share said pics pronto!

An ex boss of mine told me of a call centre for a major telecommunications provider where there was active drug dealing and prostitution with many goings on in the stair wells. Apparently there was fighting over everything eventually most of the staff were replaced.

Too many stories to recall

One lad I managed I listened in on a tel conv between him and his drug dealer. I sacked him and gave all drug dealers info (telephone number/address) to the police

I 'know' someone who used sick room and quiet areas of office building for sex. Ahem

Worked in a town centre police station about 20 years ago, from the 4th floor you could see into the cubicles of the registrars office across the street
Apparently the office girls regularly watched a lad having a waank through the frosted glass
Not sure if he knew or not

A production company in Bristol I used to freelance for got a big contract in London. The owner of the London company is a genuine monster of a human being, a mainstay of the Guardian and Private Eye ire.

Our boss took us all out to dinner about 2.5 months into the contract and declared himself petrified. He had just attended a meeting where the monster had tried to make a magazine editor eat a copy of his magazine because it was a ****ing disgrace. On leaving the meeting our boss remarked how awful this was, the woman he spoke to replied "oh it was quite a quiet one today last week he threw a chair through a window and locked another director in a cupboard for an hour"

A colleague of mine appeared yesterday to confess that he has been boffing his PA and she is pregnant and what would his wife and 3 kids think ? I had little, very little, sympathy for him.

Oops!

worked at a bar at uni where two girls thought it would be fun to come to work off their tiny minds on acid. one ended up crying in a ball on the floor. Other f'ked off and we never saw her again.

worked in a restaurant that employed some girl that wasn't very bright. We ran out of creuset's and turns out she had been binning them rather than washing them because it was 'too hard' to clean them. £££'s

Similar to one above- worked in an insurance company where some chap seconded from another company was simply putting cheques in a box as he did not know what he was doing. B'shitted his way through for 6 months , disappeared leaving a world of 5hit behind him (and about £600,00 worth of cheques.

Last one, went into work on a saturday to pick something up (I had office keys) only to catch my boss(female) shagging someone else from the office. 1pm on a sat in an air conditioned office. The mind boggles .....nice tits though 😀