My mum died suddenly on the 16th
I turned twenty on the 18th
Singletrack masses - When do I stop feeling numb?
My bike is 250 miles away with my friends.
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Death in the family
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Posted 2 years ago #
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tragic news Sammy, made worse by being unexpected.
Take your time, speak to your friends, speak to your family - It's a cliche but over time you'll learn to deal with it and remember your mum with smiles.
thoughts going out to you.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Sorry to hear that. Sudden death of immediate family is awful.
As for when you stop feeling numb - a while. Grief is a process to go thru and is normal. Timescales vary and everyone is unique but if you went back to normal the day after you would be very odd indeed. Give yourself some time. There is no normal pattern and no right way to behave - we all are unique but there are some common themes and to feel as you do is not unusual.
Counselling can be helpful if you get to a point you don't know where to go and even a browse around this link might help CRUSE
Take time. Seek support if you need it - it is not weak to do so.
Posted 2 years ago # -
SSS that really is awful news, my heart goes out to you, and your family. I know (and so do many on here) how hard it is losing a parent at that young age.
TJ is right, time is the key. Just take it easy, you will get over this, and maybe try to spend some time with your bike and friends if you can x
Posted 2 years ago # -
Very sad news. Not much to say really that will help you at all - not everything can be solved by the STW forum
You have presumably got friends and family to turn to rather than just here?My father died suddenly when I was a few years older than you are and it did take a while to get over. Eventually things get better, though I never stop missing him (and don't want to).
Posted 2 years ago # -
That is absolute shite, and I'm devastated for you mate
I can't offer any wise words other than, share it with others and don't keep it bottled in.Posted 2 years ago # -
ernie +1
Posted 2 years ago # -
my mum past away two year ago still think of her every day in time it gets easyer gone but not forgoten
Posted 2 years ago # -
share it with others and don't keep it bottled in.+1
Posted 2 years ago # -
What clareymorris said.
Take some time off and talk to other family members and close friends.
All the best at this terrible time
bunnyhop xPosted 2 years ago # -
Thinking of you SSS. no words will help, but time will, eventualy. keep your freinds & family close even if you dont need them, they will need you.
running & biking helped me, not sure why, seemed to clear my head & things became clearer. xPosted 2 years ago # -
don't keep it bottled in
Or it will take a lot longer.
Sorry for your loss.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Very sorry for your loss, exactly the same thing happened to me at your age (over 30 years ago!), only it was my dad who departed very suddenly and unexpectedly for the far shore.
You are now in a different world and have to learn to live in this new place. Give yourself time to do this, don't rush it and as said above defintely don't bottle it up, talk to family, friends and professionals and gradually you will come to a peace with what has happened. But your Mum will never leave you, throughout the rest of your life she'll always be just a thought away.
Biking helps!
Posted 2 years ago # -
Horrible thing to happen and you are still pretty young - I feel for you mate (mine both passed away when I was 15).
The first 6 months I was in survival mode. After two years I could talk about my folks without bawling. I'm at ease with it all now, but I have missed them so much [ooops, welling up a bit].
Hang in there.
Posted 2 years ago # -
So sorry to hear that. LIke many others on here, I lost my mum when I was young (I was 7). It's not something you get over, it's something you learn to live with.
Just keep talkng about her, keep remembering her and make her proud.
Posted 2 years ago # -
That's rough. My condolences.
Get a large note book and start writing down all the memories. You'll appreciate it later.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Sorry to hear.
It gets easier with time.
x
Posted 2 years ago # -
Sincere condolences.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Sory to hear that.
Loss of a parent is a biggy..
As MrsFlash says its not something you really get over.
I still miss my father 10 years on.Posted 2 years ago # -
I'm very sorry to hear that. Its a horrible time to go through. Only through time will you start to feel better and there is no quick fix unfortunately. Grieving is something everyone has to go through at some point in their life and its a real shame that you have to go through it so young. It really does get a bit easier/better as time goes on.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Sorry for your loss, terrible thing to happen.
Hopefully you will take some of the wise words above and they will help..
Posted 2 years ago # -
Sammy,
Sorry to hear this. I lost my father suddenly at 19 so I know how you are feeling. Take time to grieve. It is easy to not fully acknowledge it by focussing too much on others affected by her loss.
When my mum died two years ago we had her ashes buried (with my fathers which she had kept for 20 years) in a memorial garden. It is a comfort to have somewhere to go on birthdays, xmas etc. where I can feel close to them.
Time will help as will doing what you enjoy.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Really sorry for you and your your family,time is a great healer, and all the time you have the memories of your mum, good and bad,and they dont go,they live forever and keep you strong.
When my mum died in 1993, i went back to work the next day, then a few days latter just cracked up, and cried my eyes out,in front of a lad of 19 who worked for me,he was really shocked but really supportive,that helped,support from a few freinds also helped,then a lot more crying.
Its not shameful to cry,or get emotional, its real life.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Wipes away eyes and sends a big STW hug to Sammy
Best Regards,
James.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I am so so sorry to hear this news
But there is only one way to deal with this and that is your own way, with help from friends and you will realy discover who they are.
I lost my old Pa three years ago and yes I do still think of him and yes I still cry because I do miss him, Do not be ashamed to show your feelings
if you want a stranger to talk to may addy is in my profile feel free to call
Andy
Posted 2 years ago # -
Heartfelt condolences mate.
Thats no age to lose your mum.
Gutted for you.Posted 2 years ago # -
Sorry to hear your terrible news mate. Spend plenty of time around friends and family and don't get hung on up thinking you'll always feel numb. You'll learn to deal with it in time, of course you'll always miss her and so you should.
Post up on STW if you need to ride - even if your bikes somewhere else, you'll get a volunteer to ride with you and probably lend you a bike at the same time. That goes for me if you're in the Leeds area.Posted 2 years ago # -
That's really sad news. Some wise words from the STW crowd. Stay strong.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I feel for you, mate. Nothing that I can say will be anywhere good enough to help but I really am sorry for your loss. Does time help? Maybe, I don't know, yet. Talk to your friends face to face, cry if needed, howl if helpful. And don't drink, please. I'm so sorry....
Kris
P.s. If you're over anywhere near Isles of Skerries let me know, you won't be alone.Posted 2 years ago # -
Sorry to hear of your loss, not much i can add to the above but time is a great healer
lost my mother when i was 15 (30 years ago)and my father 10 years later still think of them all the time
believe me it does get easier it doesn't feel like it right now but it will
take care of yourself
AliPosted 2 years ago # -
So sorry to hear of your bad news.As others have said,time is a great healer.Just don't bottle it up.If you want to cry,cry.Now is deffinitly(sp) not the time to MTFU.
Posted 2 years ago # -
So sorry to hear of your loss. My Dad died of cancer last July and I still feel it every day. Don't be afraid to let your feelings out, cry when you feel sad, but don't feel guilty smiling when you remember the good times.
It hasn't gone away, and I don't think it ever will, but it does become easier to live with.
Posted 2 years ago # -
So sorry to hear that. It's very hard. You can only give it time and it will catch you out occasionally but it's all part of the process. Surround yourself with friends and family. Walk in the hills till you get your bike back. x
Posted 2 years ago # -
Shit, I was certain this was a jokey "bust my bike" thread
I can't imagine how you feel - makes me realise how lucky I am not to have lost mine yet aged 45. Lost several good friends on the way though, and some of those left young kids behind. It really seems to help the kids if we remind them of all the good stuff they have to remember, but I've a feeling it's harder for you as an adult
sorry. just ... sorry.
Don't be afraid to grieve is all the advice I can offer
Posted 2 years ago # -
Lost my sister last summer. We weren't especially close but it hurts like hell for a few months then gets better. Still have a wee bubble every now and again but that's ok. Take care.
Posted 2 years ago #
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