As the title really..

Both my partner and I are good people. We just clash! And we clash at least once a day, usually just arguments. But she has started lashing out at me.

I am not overly critical but my partner appears to have a demeanour that is never ever wrong, and anything other than complete agreement or an apology from myself ensures that an argument is never resolved. She has spoken of being bullied as a child , picked on and called dopey , and I really think her issues stem from this. ? She has become defensive to the point of filling an argument with as much confusion and distraction as is possible.

Take for example tonight …we’d had a lovely day and then this conversation which led to a full on argument .

Partner- I’ve just had to give our baby boy some calpol as he had a temperature
Me- oh poor lad what was it?
Partner- 37.0
Me- that’s not a temperature is it ?
Partner- well I know but err that’s what we call a temp on the ward
Me- really.. Normal body temp is 37.0 is it not. ?
Partner -ah I knew that but our ward is different
Me- sure, so you’d give paracetamol as a pyretic to someone with a temp of 37.0
Partner- ah if there temp is 37.5 we give paracetamol.
Me – but Our sons temp was 37.0??
Partner – yeah but that’s what we do in hospital !!!???

This little chat led to a full on argument because my partner then starts flying off in tangents bringing irrelevant stuff in to the argument ,,,-aggghhhh my goodness.

I’m starting to feel like a bully even though I know I’m anything but ! I pull my weight and think I’m an excellent dad.

I’m just tired of constantly arguing.

I’d hate to live the other side of a party wall to you

No help – but perhaps your application of logic is your first failing?

Ask her what would be better for prophylaxis in herpes zoster.

Aciclovir or Famciclovir 😉

You are my wife and I claim my £5

Have a read of this and see where she is on the crazy scale: http://www.milmillington.com/

**** hell man, you need to pick your battles 😀

Therapy is your friend.
Go both as a couple and seperate.
This will help you find out the root cause.
You can then work on getting your life as a couple happy again.

Sorry I know it is totally pathetic to read ( aren’t all arguments) !?

Me and my missus bicker and argue constantly, but we’re still together long after other marriages have gone awry!

We have such similar arguments to that which you describe too!. 🙂

Surely you’d give paracetamol as an antipyretic – I wouldn’t want to give anything pyretic to my kids at all!

😯

:@) good point well raised.

Me- really.. Normal body temp is 37.0 is it not. ?

Well. Now that depends.

Just how old is your son?

Surely you’d give paracetamol as an antipyretic – I wouldn’t want to give anything pyretic to my kids at all!

Why not?

We’ve just had her dad staying for a few days and he was talking about his mum who sounded like a total nightmare from a mental health point of view.

I’m sat here listening to her character and symptoms and thinking bloomin heck that all fits !!

Well my Mrs says she’d consider Calpol at 37.6, but there again she’s only been a paediatric nurse for 25yrs, so she could be wrong. Plus she says there’s more reasons for a kid in hospital to get a high temp than a kid at home, & 37.0 is not a pyrexia.

Your arguing however, is another matter.

Time for a new patio.

Have been there before – ex-MrsPJM Mk1 and Mk3 would argue a point regardless of whether right or wrong.

It rapidly gets tiring…

The paracetamol is not the issue.. Jeez if she wants to give him calpol and he’s grizzly then crack on.. I’m not that Victorian. It’s just the crap that comes with daring to ask a question.

Then the total blurring, the tangents the denials of what was said… That take over any original cause of argument .

Ie just daring to ask a question

Jeez, it’s just calpol! Squirt it in and pick something important to argue about, it’s hardly morphine 😉

Thanks murf… Missing the point mate

If the arguing has become a serious problem then do as iolo suggests. You won’t resolve the issues by posting on the internet.

.

EDIT : “It’s just the crap that comes with daring to ask a question”. So you weren’t questioning her mothering skills ?

Hence the wink smilie!
My wife and I enjoy a good bicker too, your not alone 🙂

I know Ernie but it’s a vent off mate.

And it was just a bloomin question not doubting anything just a bizarre statement that I probably should have kept quiet over.

And re counselling I will do it.. But know that I will be the one who looks the rotter when her tears start to flow snd I’m left looking like I criticise and bully.

You sound as bad as each other going by your example above.

Do you love her? She’s the mother of your child.
How old is the child? Could it be post natal depression? Sounds like she’s had a hard time during her younger years. You look after her and try and get her some help if she needs it. Mental health is shit. I should know as my head can be a bit broken sometimes.

Same things with my delightful other… She was adopted as a child and her birth mum has mental health problems, I’m sure my missus is bi-polar. 5 hours ago we was booking a holiday, right this moment, she does not want to talk to me and is quite happy to ignore me for the foreseeable future.. This is a regular (read daily) occurrence (get’s very very tiring, very very quickly…). Irony would have it though, that this is my fault all the time. But, I put up with it, and will keep doing so, as for reasons unbeknown to me, I do love her. And I’m sure you are the same with your other half. Sometimes it’s easier to bite your lip, smile, nod and carry on watching Baywatch…

You wouldn’t think she was Bioplar. You would DEFINITELY know.
I’m an Ultra rapid cycling bipolar sufferer.
Mrs iolo understands me and is an angel but I can be an arsehole for no reason.

I honestly believe she is.. Today is a prime example of how she can just go from lovely to pure evil from one sentence to the next, for no reason or just cause. Her birth mum has Huntingtons, which from my limited knowledge can show signs or personality and mood swings, so who knows..

I think many relationships can be argumentative. Fine line between love and hate and all that. 🙂 It really is easier to be submissive I’ve found though.

Submissive does nothing to help though does it.
Ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away.
As it currently stands your relationship won’t last.
Do something about it while you still can.
Get her the help she needs if you believe she is ill.

Maybe not, but arguing every case is very emotionally wearing.
And I’ve tried, believe me I have. But she seems to ignore it. I can understand why she does. Rock / Hard place springs to mind.

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/

Call MIND tomorrow. They are fantastic. Ask what to do. Tell them you believe she’s ill.

I’m an Ultra rapid cycling bipolar sufferer.

On a bike forum there has to be a joke in there somewhere, but i’m tired and don’t want to cause offence so i’m leaving it.

Thanks iolo. 🙂

Just agree to whatever she says and never question anything she does and then just do what you think is right anyway. The first rule of marriage shirley? Most women are a little bit batshit*, their bodies are inexorably linked to the moon.

*I’m not serious…

In all jest your post Jekyll is my biggest fear..

Do I really just give up ? Just say yes, agree with everything, dispute nothing, have no opinion and live a life fearful of upsetting my partner ?

how she can just go from lovely to pure evil from one sentence to the next, for no reason or just cause

Thought that was normal in women. 🙄

Just you wait till she hits the menopause…. 😕 😯 👿

I don’t miss this…

Do I really just give up ? Just say yes, agree with everything, dispute nothing, have no opinion and live a life fearful of upsetting my partner ?

Yes. This is why you have a bicycle & friends & ale.

Sounds like a self confidence issue? If she was bullied etc when younger, that could be the reason. Maybe she sees your question as a challenge to her intelligence and that you’re putting her down (not literally, though appreciate you may feel like it…)

Being told you’ve destroyed someone’s self confidence isn’t great, been there and learnt from it.