Becoming a New Dad - general advice very much required...

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Becoming a New Dad - general advice very much required...

165 posts & 85 voices | Started 6 months ago by bullheart | Latest reply from clubber

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bullheart - Member

Evening STW hive-mind,

I require some help and advice. Bullockheart/Heiferheart is due in the middle of January, and as yet I am no closer to understanding what is about to happen to my life. I wanted to have a go at the 'Puffer, but apparently it's too close to the birth date, as is Hit The North. I know this because I've just been told in no uncertain terms that if I consider either, it won't be the cancer that sends me off, but a frying pan or my wife's Fiesta.

No here's the issue. I'm happy to accept that my riding patterns will change. As Mrs Bullheart as pointed out, the moment BiddyBull pops out will probably be so epic that I won't even look at my bike, but I need a dad's-eye view. So the questions are;

1) How did it feel? How did you cope? What happened to the bike?

2) Did the NCT classes help?

3) Are there any forums I could join that would help prepare me for the inevitable life-explosion about to happen?

Many thanks gents!

BH

Posted 6 months ago #
crikey - Member

Why is your wife buying Fiesta?

Posted 6 months ago #
bullheart - Member

It's on a special at the newsagents.

Posted 6 months ago #
barnsleymitch - Member

Har-har! Yes, your life will change, no doubt, but lets be frank, you've got over far more momentous changes. Get a trailer, in fact, contact me (e-mail in profile), I've got one you can have for nowt, my 2 have grown out of it.

Posted 6 months ago #
wallop - Member

lol @ crikey

Posted 6 months ago #
Elfinsafety - Member

I have no children of my own, but I was once a tiny baby myself. No, it's actually true.

You've enjoyed a car journey with me for several hours. I know you're not very good at coping with stressful situations, as you're just a whiny little girl, but on that occasion you coped ok really, so I'm sure you'll be fine.

X

Posted 6 months ago #
GW - Member

felt amazing, all coped fine! rode my bike the same day/raced the following weekend

NCT classes?

the internet can be helpful but personally I'd GTF away from forum advice, it's a real life baba.

Posted 6 months ago #
Surrounded By Zulus - Member

1) Didnt hurt in the slightest, didnt feint, and I went for a ride on the bike before they got home.
2) Dunno, they wouldnt let me go to the breast feeding class,
3) You're already here.

Posted 6 months ago #
crikey - Member

As a Dad of 3;

Don't look at the business end while it's coming out; one day you may want to visit that area for fun...

Spend whatever cash you have spare on whatever you want now, because you either won't have the cash or the time later.

It's a baby. In spite of your frankly awe-inspiring story, it's just like every other baby in the world, so remember that others may not seem to be so impressed.

You will lose a lot of sleep, but it's just sleep.

It's still only a baby; it doesn't need an expensive buggy, the heating on full for the next 6 months, a new wardrobe from (insert expensive shop of choice).

Do your share of the shitty stuff.

Posted 6 months ago #
timbur - Member

1)It's amazing. Life changes and priorities are totally re-adjusted. Well, for me they were. You'll be too tired to ride for a while. And you'll learn to live on a lot less sleep.
2)No. It's common sense. Make it work for you and your family. There are no instruction manuals and every little one is different. Routines are good if they work for you. Start young I'd say as it makes it easier when they get older.
3)You're already here!

Tim
One 4.5 year old and one 10 day old. Off to bed now whilst all is quiet.

Posted 6 months ago #
tthew - Member

In spite of your frankly awe-inspiring story, it's just like every other baby in the world, so remember that others may not seem to be so impressed
particularly the baby. HTH.

(and congrats, obviously)

Posted 6 months ago #
robob - Member

1) didn't hurt a bit. Fine. Didn't get a look in for at least three days.
2) what's nct?
3) mumsnet?

Posted 6 months ago #
carlosg - Member

1)Witnessing the birth of my children was an amazing experience (although there were a few scary moments with number 2) . Both my kids were born 5 weeks prem so spent a couple of weeks in transitional care , this meant my maternity leave was used up while mum and no2 were in hospital. Biking was severely reduced for the first 2-3 months but has crept back to normal levels.

2) NCT classes? , never got to them due to premature births.

3) mumsnet !

Posted 6 months ago #
drain - Member

What crikey and timbur said.

Also, keep your hands away from Mrs B's teeth during the event, I got bitten when Mrs D was bearing down. It hurt.

Posted 6 months ago #
TooTall - Member

You can't really prepare for it. You might think you can, but you can't. It is so much about instinct when it happens and your reactions will be different in some ways to anyone elses. It is massive - really massive. Sleep as much as you can between now and then. Any time you might do something else, just sleep.
If you have the strength to ride and not to the detriment of your wife, have a ride. Remember that she will be far more limited to just nip out and do stuff than you, so you have to use that empathy thing.
We knew more than most about the birth before it happened, so we didn't need most of the classes - but we were different.

Posted 6 months ago #
kimbers - Member

its the bestest thing ever

even if it does mean no sleep, no riding, no partying ......

but its all totally worth it

on a practical note sleep whenever you get the chance
try and get a routine going, meals, bedtime etc
any big jobs need doing get them done now eg decorating, everything becomes a bit trickier when you have to factor in a baby

kimbers jr is 363 days old
and likes smith eyewear

Posted 6 months ago #
timbur - Member

I've got a pic of my eldest wearing some Oakleys just like that! (they were white frames with pink lenses to keep thinks on track wit being a bike website and all!)

Posted 6 months ago #
leffeboy - Member

Everything that crikey said

+ one word - relentless

Posted 6 months ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

can't add on what others have said generally but NCT classes - great. I enjoyed ours and we have made some good friends.

Enjoy every minute of it - it changes everything tor the better

Posted 6 months ago #
GW - Member

^^ just goes to show, even a cute innocent baby can't make cycling glasses look any less "special"

Oh.. and some babies actually sleep LOTS.

Posted 6 months ago #
anagallis_arvensis - Member

1) How did it feel? How did you cope? What happened to the bike?

2) Did the NCT classes help?

3) Are there any forums I could join that would help prepare me for the inevitable life-explosion about to happen?

1. Worst day of my life was watching labour.
2. Not much, but the Mrs has a good group of friends to help out now.
3. STW has all the answers you know that.

They are kind of dull for 3 or 4 months and then they get fun. Tomorrow is Franks first b'day, its quite scary how much you love them.

Posted 6 months ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

Oh.. and some babies actually sleep LOTS.

they all do - just not when you want them to...

Posted 6 months ago #
ratherbeintobago - Member

1) How did it feel? How did you cope? What happened to the bike?

Exhausting, but good fun. Don't plan to do anything for the first three months - you will be so underslept that you won't want to even if the wife allows it. Bike mileage much reduced (now picking up a bit since Miss RBIT is 10 months and in nursery) but was so desperate to get out that I went out in Jan in the ice, fell off, broke collar bone and bent mech hanger...

2) Did the NCT classes help?

As has been posted elsewhere, there will be one couple who are yoghurt knitters and one couple who are taking it all far too seriously but the rest will be good value. We've kept in touch with our lot, and anecdote suggests you'll not be the only dad there into bikes (which fits with my experience). Worth it for the social factor and not-being-in-it alone, though some of the advice need to be taken with a pinch of salt.

3) Are there any forums I could join that would help prepare me for the inevitable life-explosion about to happen?

STW=Dadsnet. In fact, there should probaby be a parenting sub forum to go with 'Bike' and 'Chat'.

Good Luck.

Andy

Posted 6 months ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

ohh and I didn't mind the business end one bit

Posted 6 months ago #
magowen100 - Member

Crikey has it spot on.
Do remember to do the cheesy bit and lift little bullock/heifer out of the cot, walk over to the window and whisper ' I can give you nothing but the world....'
NCT - I'd say do it. Mrs O and I met some good friends through it even though we only went to one meeting due to a premature birth. If nothing else they are going through the same things as you about the same time.
Mumsnet - not a chance! Spend less time on the 'puter and more enjoying your wife's larger ahem, upper body. As you won't get near em if she's breast feeding!

Posted 6 months ago #
sugdenr - Member

Don't look at the business end while it's coming out; one day you may want to visit that area for fun...

Word.

Spend whatever cash you have spare on whatever you want now, because you either won't have the cash or the time later.

You will lose a lot of sleep, but it's just sleep.

It's still only a baby; it doesn't need an expensive buggy, the heating on full for the next 6 months, a new wardrobe from (insert expensive shop of choice).

Poverty, permanent lack of sleep are inevitable. However both creep up on you so you have a little time left think nothings changed

Most baby stuff is bought not becuase babs needs that it but you want/perfer it. Just like buying MTBs in fact.

NCT was mostly wast of time, but did help you know the names of the different drugs your wife will call for inbetween screaming etc. More seriously both times my missus only had gas&air as I got her to do breathing techniques and come off gas&air between thingies. Didnt want my muppets to come into the world doped up before their first breath. Wife want too happy afterwards when she realised I had deprived her of her rightful hit of analgesics.

Baby mostly sleeps for first 2 weeks, some form of denial I think, then it all really starts. NCT also talks you through things like the nasty nasty black first nappies and horrifying sh...stuff like that.

Blah, blah, blah - i'll shut up now

......being able to hold up your own offspring with one hand is priceless - esp. 'cause (most) girls havent got big enough hands

Posted 6 months ago #
nonk - Member

Don't worry about stuff. Once the baby is born everything will be have changed.
it's all good.

not sure if it happens to everyone but i didn't need much sleep for the first three months because i felt like i had been given some mad new father performance enhancing drug by mother nature.

i oddly ride my bike a fair bit because when i get the chance i go, no tossing about with one more brew or ooooh it looks a bit nasty out ...etc.

congrats mate and all the best with it.

Posted 6 months ago #
GW - Member

they all do - just not when you want them to...
speak for yourself

Posted 6 months ago #
warton - Member

1. its good! you just sort of do it. still cycle once a week too (and commute daily)
2. Didn't bother
3. Didn't bother

don't listen to other people otherwise you'll be confused with scores of contradictory advice, you're the parents, do it your way. you'll make mistakes, but thats how you learn.

Time flies, don't wish it away!

William, 18 months old (not the best pic):

Posted 6 months ago #
djglover - Member

1/ Went though ICU etc with my twins, you'd think everything after that would seem like a breeze. Nothing prepares you for how demanding and draining parenting and holding down a full time job and a hobby is. Something will probably give. In my case its a bit of all 3. I dont mtb anymore though so that tells you something
2/Categorically no, seems like the only benefit is to buy middleclass friends. I'm a cynic, but it wouldn't have helped me. All they do is eat sleep and shit, its not rocket science, but it is draining and a source of worry...
3/ You will go through a phase of asking for help, then you will just think **** screw that I'm just going to make it up as I go along

Posted 6 months ago #
leffeboy - Member

And if you do the NCT classes make sure you pay attention - babies can arrive before the midwife has time to get to yer house

Posted 6 months ago #
crikey - Member

They are kind of dull for 3 or 4 months and then they get fun

This is one of those 'yes, I do agree, but better not say so' things!

I gave up biking after our first 2 were born; I simply didn't have the time or the energy to train as much for XC racing. I started running instead, and used that to stay fit/become my new obsession until I could start riding again. Then, because I was doing so well, we had another....

Although people are correct in that it changes everything, it does so relatively gradually apart from the birth, so you get chance to adjust.

You should both be able to say to each other " **** it, you'll have to take over, I can't cope any more", and expect the same in return.

And each time you despair through lack of sleep/excess of poo/overwhelming relatives/fear for the future remember it's how you got here, so it can't be that hard!

Posted 6 months ago #
DrP - Member

Think of all the riding and other things you do now.....Establish about 20% of it that's really important and want to keep doing....halve that in order to be realistic...then end up having the energy to do about a quarter of that......

Good luck!

Dr 'Daddy' P

Posted 6 months ago #
Kryton57 - Member

Its life changing you will re-prioritise, but bike time (for me) is getting away from it all so you'll work it out again.

NCT is more important for Mum IMO, especially if this is your first child. She builds a friends style relationship with a bunch of people going through the same issues and challanges, and its good for her sanity to know she's not doing anything wrong/different or isnt going insane any more than other people.

Oh, and you will appreciate sleep as a whole new wonderfully high value thing...

Yours, Mr tired after the recent fireworks have kicked off a 2yo's fear of the dark (yawn)....

Posted 6 months ago #
lodious - Member

You will go through a phase of asking for help, then you will just think **** screw that I'm just going to make it up as I go along

Sooner you get to that point the better. So much advice is handed out, and in reality, impossible to follow.

Things that worked for us...

Relaxing and having the confidence to ignore advice.

Not falling out with the inlaws (didn't do too well at that).

Get him/her on dual fuel (bottle and breast) as soon as you can.

Don't buy a baby monitor. You need a break without listening to every whimper. Baby's are actually pretty good at getting attention when they need it

We are on our third, and looking back, it was us who created most of the stress.

Posted 6 months ago #

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