Are we arguing again? Cool.

Fortunately I not longer have to bear my ex-wife’s side of the family (they all voted leave). Not that I mind that they voted leave particularly. It’s more that they are all, to a man and woman, the worst type of bigoted, racist, self serving and entitled bunch of cluster****s you could possibly imagine. Reading their hilarious attempts to now apply reasoning to their decisions on Facebook is somewhat akin to watching a small monkey trying to shag a football.

Spent the best part of 20 years either managing/leading it or having it as a substantial part of my job.

Got absolutely **** sick of it. Now doing something completely different. I regularly get approached to consult on it and my answer is always nope 😂

Highly dependent on what industry and which company.

As said above, in a decent company where there is a genuine cultural approach to welfare, wellbeing and safety it’s fine. Everywhere else is a total ball ache, you are in the direct firing line and you can never, EVER win.

Unless you are really, really passionate about it I’d steer well clear.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

https://goo.gl/images/4ruHFb

Ah no idea how to post a gif. 😂

My god, there are some thick f🙄ckers riding bicycles these days…

Has anyone gone through career counselling or had meaningful contact with anyone/services that might help me actually look at where i am, and what strengths and weaknesses i may have? Sitting down and ‘thinking about it’ has got me sweet FA so far..

My tuppence on this bit. Doing your own research or thinking about things isn’t going to help you that much. New opportunities come from people. Real people. Get out there and meet some. Got an interest (not necessarily a hobby) outside of work? Go do a few courses on it. Chance to volunteer? Book a little a/l and do it. Your transferable skills will start to come out much, much more readily once you have a practical application for them. And your confidence will soar.

On a broader theme, setting up the conditions for you to thrive is a vital part of the move. Getting out on your bike enough? Eating healthily and engaging your brain with stuff that stimulates you outside of work? Got positive close relationships with friends/partner etc? Getting this stuff right, in my opinion, is as critical as finding that ‘perfect job’. I think the two things are interlinked.

I’ve recently made a huge change to my working life.

10 years plus in FE working up to managing a big department and on a fairly good (for the public sector) salary. I’ve given it up. My ex finally paid me for my half of the house she now lives in and so I’ve quit and am going to retrain in a completely different sector and start my own business. Will it work? I don’t know. Will I be better off? I don’t know. But one thing I do know is that exclusively doing things I care about and am actively engaged in is completely and utterly brilliant. Having come out of a job I was able to do on about 30% brain power with shit l, self serving bosses tripping out on their own ego to actively using my mind and loving what I’m trying to achieve is revelatory. It actually doesn’t matter if it works now. Stepping away from bullshit and doing what I care about matters more than any of the other stuff. Mid life crisis? Call it what you like. I’m fitter, healthier, happier and more enquiring than I’ve ever been. The quality of sleep is something else too! And I’m getting on. My kids still have a cool time with me for half the week and the bills get paid. Does anything else really matter?

I’m down in the south east corner BUT there’s a few places within a 20 minute ride that are utterly silent. They are mainly little hidden valleys on the edge of the Stour valley or out on the North Downs just south of Canterbury.

It’s a nice reminder that our perception of ‘crowded’ mainly comes through the prism of car travel.

Yeah it’s got the terralogic fork

Game over. The patriots have expertly shut the Rams offence down.

I’m thinking about selling my 2016 canyon Grand Canyon which has 142×12. Its a carbon 100mm 29er though which might not be what you’re looking for.

I’m up for the duration. One of the benefits of working for myself I guess.

Heart wants the Rams, Head says the Patriots. Can the Rams shut down the Pats running game? It’ll be won and lost in the trenches I reckon.

I’ve always liked the look of these:

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Quit my job that was making me unhappy just before Christmas to start my own venture and also retrain as an archaeologist. Got the first wireframes of the new website through today and it made me absurdly happy to see my new enterprise actually taking shape. You know how you daydream about doing your own thing for years? It’s actually happening which is awesome, weird and mildly unsettling all at the same time 😀

Oh and steak for dinner.

I feel very conflicted at this time of year. I don’t fit in with the whole Christmas thing. Left to my own devices I’d be out in the hills on my bike or on foot mildly celebrating the solstice. However my girlfriend is a Christmas nut and my kids are stil at an age where they love it too. So I play along. It’s been a crazy but good year and I’m pretty keen to get through the next week as painlessly as possible and then crack on with my plans for 2019.

I’m no expert on other people’s relationships, however some lessons I have learned from my 18 month experience after my separation/divorce:

1. She might be a dick/she might not/she might be in ways that you aren’t expecting – it’s a tough time and we all deal with it differently. Expect to be surprised. Everyone is allowed to wig out – including her. This may include stupid relationships/new purchases and other stuff. Be the bigger person and let it go over your head.

2. Money. It’s only money. Loads of people say stay in the house until it’s sorted by the lawyers. I’m not convinced that’s the right option for everyone as I think it creates tension which propagates animosity. I was gone quickly and things have pretty much worked out (she ended up buying me out minus about 10% of what we agreed but so what – it just means I’ll not help her out in the future which I was planning on). You probably aren’t leaving because of money so I’d not make it a reason to stay in the house.

3. The kids – unless one or both of you are prize ****, they will be alright. Kids see the truth and they recover from things quickly – make sure you are on your game for them though. 100%. And never slag her off to them, even if she richly deserves it. Loads of couples split up and loads of kids are fine. Do whatever you need to to make this your story too. Yes it’s weird not to be there every evening but you can make the time you have amazing without having someone else interfering. I took my lads snorkelling, tramping round archeological sites in Greece this summer and it was bloody amazing – we still talk about it when I’m taking them to school on the days I have them. If you are concerned about her being shite about the kids then a co-parenting agreement is good. I got my ex to sign one and it enshrines my access (3.5 days a week/half of all holidays), our responsibilities, where the kids are going to be schooled etc etc. Very handy if you are concerned as family courts like these very much.

4. You – look after yourself. You’ve most likely spent most of your recent past looking after someone else. Stop it. The better you feel the better you’ll be. This bit is critical. Get counselling, get high, get laid, get healthy. Whatever. Just do it for you.

5. The future – this is why you left right? Start living it NOW. Ride your bike, see your mates, go to the movies, start a new class, drink beer, watch sports, go on a diet, hit the gym, hit tinder. Whatever it is. It’s yours now. Grab it, loads of people stay in shit relationships, you haven’t. Start enjoying your decision right now.

best of luck, love your chance to be you and let the small stuff slide.

There’s no set time. You’ll be ready when you are ready. Might be next week, next month, next year or never. My advice is park it and concentrate on what’s in front of you. It’s entirely normal to want some human contact, particularly when you are grieving so whatever you feel, don’t beat yourself up.

And go easy on your friend. Sounds like a very clumsy but well intentioned attempt to make you feel good.

Does happen when’s it’s not your children/family?

I can walk away from pretty much anything except from perceived or real threats to my kids. Then I lose my shit big style. It’s something I’m working on because a. I want to try and set them a decent example and battering people probably doesn’t fall in that category and b. I’ll be a more effective parent if I’m not banged up.

Not easy though, I realise when it happens and try very hard to focus on something else. Works most of the time. The last time was when a couple of chavy youths on a motorcross bike came very close to wiping my eldest out on a blind corner in the woods. They probably still don’t realise how fortunate they were.

Tinder = shagging

Match = relationships

1. Know your goal and use an appropriate platform

2. Nice pic of your face, nice pic of you with mates, nice pic of you doing something you enjoy

3. Be honest but fairly brief in your bio

4. Be ready for some nutters, some very lonely people and some entirely normal people

5. Enjoy it. It’s fun.

As has been said by many other posters, it’s not a forgone conclusion. It depends on the attitude of both parties. I left my ex just over a year ago and it was pretty rocky to begin with as she started a ‘new relationship’ (yeah right 😂) a few days later. With a bloke in San Francisco!! The kids suffered more than they should have done as she was away seeing him pretty frequently and it scared and unsettled them to the point where they both were referred for counselling by their school. Amusingly, he dumped her shortly afterwards.

However, fast forward 12 months and things are amicable between us, the kids are thriving, we’ve split everything 50/50 (even though I’ve probably put more in) and, most importantly, I’m happy and moving on with my life. Getting divorced is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.

A couple of things I’ve learned (from my situation – yours might well be different)

1. Put the kids first no matter what and get a co-parenting agreement in place at the earliest opportunity that spells out clearly your access agreement.

2. Ask yourself honestly whether you want to be with your partner. If you come back with anything other than an emphatic yes don’t bother with relationship counselling, save it just for you.

3. Be prepared for your ex to make bad decisions and be even more prepared for them to be none of your business/out of your control.

Good luck

Bit later but how about the avalanches – since I left you?

That feeling in your legs when you lie on the bed after a long day in the saddle.

The sound of the dawn chorus when you know it’s finally time for sleep 😉

Fish spotting in the river. First of all it’s like there’s nothing there then blam! They all come into focus.

Coffee in the garden on a Sunday morning with church bells nearby.

Cold, fresh pillows.

Aching like a bastard the day after a good bike ride/gym sesh

What have George Michael and a pair of wellingtons  got in common?

They’ve both been sucked off in bogs.

I’ve never ridden an e-bike. I like their potential though. Quite apart from getting people out who otherwise wouldn’t be able to, they offer a decent urban alternative to cars and I’m starting to see quite a few food delivery companies ditching scooters etc and moving over to e-bikes.

I do feel a bit weird about them for off-road stuff though. Don’t know why really. I might be a bit of a Luddite I guess and personally one of the things I really, really like about mountain bikes is doing it under your own steam entirely. Appreciate that others might feel differently about them. We don’t all ride for the same reasons do we? I do worry about the longer term implications for trail access though, it’s not like the red socks really need any encouragement to hurl shite at us is it? I can see a future where e-bikes become entirely prevalent and their usage is limited in much the same way as other vehicles. I’m not sure anyone wants to see that.

500 has to be on the cards at this rate! 🤣🤣🤣

Oh, for some sandpaper eh?

There’s a fella down the road from me who is ‘slightly excentric’. Loves to go running in a string vest with a miner’s lamp attached to his head. And he warms down after his exertions by jogging backwards round the block.

I did my back in making a cheese sandwich last Wednesday. After 3 days off work and enough ibuprofen to knock out a panzer battalion I’m starting to get movement but ain’t risking it this weekend. Cricket on the telly and a couple of good books is as adventurous as I’m going. Got a new bike turning up next week so want to be health for that.

Some fantastic advice up above from a number of posters.

Id add to that by reinforcing that looking after yourself from a physical, intellectual and emotional/spiritual perspective is the absolute best thing you can to contribute to the world and the people you care about.

4 pieces of firecracker crispy coated chicken

chips slathered in a curry pot noodle

7-up

😎

My M/O is either to enter the room making vulture noises and flapping my arms whilst circling the table (this way it’s clear what my intentions are) or just pile in and take the whole platter back to the office to ‘make sure the caretakers get some’. No-one has yet challenged me on either tactic.

Really interesting and honest thread this. My sympathies to those in challenging situations, I’ve been there too. I can only really offer my experience as an example (perhaps not typical) of what happens if you leave…

My ex-wife and I were married for 14 years. Good careers, house owners, 2 kids etc etc. Our sex life was rubbish and had been since the kids arrived. This was apparently my fault and I spent many years apologising, feeling guilty and making an effort to put things right by taking on the majority of childcare, housework, sacrificing my interests to allow her to pursue her own. It reached a point where I became incredibly resentful of her and her attitude towards me. She got pissed one night and decided that we should split up. Much to her surprise I agreed and moved out 4 days later.

I have never been happier than I am now. 😀

The kids were devastated to begin with but they are fine now. I’ve got them 50 percent of the week and things have worked out pretty well with regards to access and whathaveyou

I’m renting a tiny house that’s all mine – if I want to watch football in my pants after work then I can. And I do.

I’m no longer responsible for someone else’s happiness. Or blamed for their inability to confront their own issues.

I can indulge my interests when I want and this is hugely important. My girlfriend is totally cool about me doing what I want when I want. She does the same. I will never, ever, EVER give up interests for someone else ever again. I’m completely capable of being a first rate father and boyfriend as long as I can do the things that make me happy. Stop me doing those things and I stop being myself. Never again will I let that happen. Perhaps it’s being selfish I don’t know, but what’s **** point in any of this if you can’t be happy?

Teriyaki Chicken and noodles

Old speckled hen

Rugby league and rain

Yeah right. It was all down to the bloke that got caught and the bloke no one likes. It wasn’t the leadership group after all and the radio palaver with Hanscombe didn’t really happen and the coach wasn’t aware and the bowlers didn’t realise and it never happened before….

Plausible deniability, taped up fingers and a return to normal service now the lawyers are involved. CA had now better hope that everyone sticks to the script they’ve been given. They’d also better hope that the hours and hours of banked footage that will be scrutinised now doesn’t pick anything else up.

Obviously it’s fairly amusing to see the Aussies writhing. Well, it was until I heard Jim Maxwell crying on air. 🙁

to their credit I think CA will come down on Smith and his leadership group like a ton of bricks.

Brailsford, sorry Lehman, has also got to be in the firing line as this fairly clearly isn’t a one off.

Well, well, well…..

competative advantage indeed 🤣

I’ve used diving rods several times. They worked. FFS! I’ve no idea how or why. One time I used them to find a key that had been lost for over six months on a patch of waste ground. Very, very sceptical when I started but put a clear mental image of said key into my mind, walked around, rods crossed, stopped and stooped down. There it was under some long grass. Makes no logical sense whatsoever but it worked.

I think there’s a logical explanation for sure, just maybe from area of knowledge that’s perhaps not as well understood as we think.

My neighbours do mine for me. They are all in their sixties and seventies so it’s not like they’ve got anything else to do anyway.

When I took over my current department there was a guy with a Bradford score of well over 8000. 😆 I worked out that he’d had almost 12 months off in the past 3 years! I knew his son socially and got the low down on what his dad was actually up to which was a another job somewhere else where he went sick for long enough to occasionally come into our place! That imo takes dedication and purpose.

The most urgent question is will they get sucked off in a bog.

No reason for shame Bully. You’re a **** Spartan.