"There,there…..it's just a man and a horse being hung!"

That's not it Trail Rat because if I'm in the front then the doors all automatically lock!

Do they unlock again when stopped?

They are unlocked from the inside but you can't open them from outside.

The other weird thing is(and it's caused me to lock my keys in for the first ever time)If I have the rear doors open, and lock the van with the remote locking,so no one sneaks into the cab,should I put the keys down in the back and then shut the rear doors, my keys are locked in!

I put my keys down in the back with one rear door open, whilst getting a delivery note signed and SLAM! the door blew shut and I was locked out!

security – you are driving in the front seats. chap comes along – sees what you have in the rear and decides he is having it …. much like those folk that get car jacked for the bikes off their roofs in citys at trafic lights

That's not it Trail Rat because if I'm in the front then the doors all automatically lock!
It's just baffling.

I don't wear a watch.
This leaves me wondering……….
Do I have,
A. a huuuuuge willy 8)
B. No willy at all 😯
or,
C. no idea what time it is? 😆

Seatbelt warning bleep thingy!!! It annoys the hell out of me.
Ashtray is pretty pointless thesedays,especially in most commercial vehicles,as is the ciggy lighter as mentioned before.An mp3 socket or usb port would be much better.(hence I've replaced mine with a gang of four!)

The 12v charger in the rear is pretty useless unless it continues to charge when the engine's off.
Also, economy mode on radio and lights.I know when I want the radio or lights on, not my vehicle!! When did it know what I want better than I do?
"Cyberdines sytems Berlingo became self aware……etc"

ABS…….Brakes stop wheels turning …….end of!
I dont want them to stutter so I can't tell wether it's breaking traction,skidding or trying to accelerate thank you very muchly!
We've managed quite well skidding our bikes along over the years with out ABS so I'm sure we can manage without it in our cars.

I have a Berlingo van,new type, and if you press the key fob, it unlocks the front doors,not much use if you want the rear doors open.Aha….but, there's a button for unlocking the rear doors only! Or you can press the front doors twice and they all unlock.
What's the point!!!!??????
It can't be for security because it opens both front doors, or alternatively the back doors and the rear sliding one!!! aaaaagh!

and what's with the screw in tow hook? Can't I just have a bit of metal hoop welded to the front and rear please? it's not for aesthetic reasons, it can't be,it's a van!It's just going to fall out of the tool pouch and be lost the first time I have to change a wheel.

and whatever you do, DON'T get a traffic master sat nav!
while they will get you to your destination quite well, if you veer of your route because you know the way it's taking you is not as good as your route, then it will re-route you,all well and good.However it will then proceed to tell you which roads you'll be travelling on for your entire journey and your ETA.
and it'll do this every time you veer slightly off route!
Great fun if like me you live in Bradford and don't agree with most of the ways it takes you to major routes out.

"You are no longer on the planned route.Sat nav is recalculating a new route to your destination.Your route of "X" miles will take you on the;
A whatever, the B blah,blah, the wxyz bloody motorway. Your estimated time of arrival is 5 something or other.
There are currently no major traffic problems on your route"

And while she's been telling you all that, you've gone a different way and she has to do it all again until you both agree that you're on the best route!!!!!!

and breathe……………. 😆

Double to what Scuttler said!! easy to pick up points and fines on way home!!

Plus what Bearback describes will probably get you black flagged anyway or at very least get you the two hands signal from the marshalls!

My top tips would be,wear knee pads if you have them, I always seem to bash my knees on the centre column, and a back protector if you have one, hard plastic seats remove skin from your spine!

Also, if someone crashes and the yellow lights come on,use this "no overtaking" time to pull up behind whoever is in front of you.Not directly behind mind you!Then keep an eye on the lights, as soon as they go out……gun it!!!! You'll catch half the field napping! Guaranteed.

If you're due to change drivers try to do it when yellow lights are on for a crash, it saves time.
Let your driver know from the pit wall how many laps they're going to do before they come in to change.Make sure your at the lane,helmet on,gloves on ready to drag them out and hop in!

oh yeah, all this talk about not sliding the back end out…….can be cobblers, it's a useful skill for making your cart wider on parts of the track where there's a sneaky chance of someone coming round outside on a tightish corner!

Here you go!

That can't be right can it?

I got my lisense in 1993 and I have D1 on it!
It just came as part of it all.
Also have C1 E which means I can pull a trailer with a van as well.

I know I'm one of only two people who hold a lisense that would let me drive the school minibus without taking an extra test( purely for driving, not for carrying children), due to the fact it has a double axle and they all passed their tests after it was altered.

shimano compatable, groupset, suitable for cross,(Roy Hunt's using it,plus others)You could get your chosen bike,sell the groupset and swap to this and not lose any money!!
Equivalent microshift groupsets are way cheaper than Shimano!

+3 for bike tart!

Lol at Snakebite!

I use nothing but rock pegs for my base camp tent especially in and around Coniston. They're the dddies!

what you don't want is that bloke in the town criers outfit and bad barnet coming round giving it……..

"you buy one, you get one free, I say, you buy one ,you get one free…….That's right, you buy one, you get one………"

Alright we get it and would have done at a much greatly diminished volume as well….now be a good chap and go fornicate with yourself!

Old-skool downhiller legend Crawford Carrick-Anderson now runs a sign business. Keep in with the bike brigade karma and give him a call:

My evil sense of humour switch was flicked on by this,
"Give him a call" just struck me as funny, seeing that Crawford is deaf!!

……and no, before someone jumps up and down on me and berates me for being an "…ist" I'm not poking fun at those who are hearing impaired or differently abled or whatever,,,,yadda,yadda…..

Chevin – Member
Live in Baildon and work in Otley. I would have no problems with living in Otley. Chevin Cycles in Otley has to be a top reason to come to Otley.

Matthew

Not that you're biased or anything Mat!! 😀

Maybe he was just "sniffing" around….if you know what I mean.(nudge,nudge,wink,wink,say no more eh,mum's the word)

I have the new berlingo van with the crew cab seating arrangement.
I can get 5 DH bikes in and all the kit with wheels on and 8 Dh bikes in with front wheels off.
My road bike fits in without even turning the wheel at all.]
The xc bike fits in no trouble and I reckon four bikes comfortably in the back without taking out wheels or saddles or anything.

It's a decent motorway van,loads of torque too,drop the revs below 1000 and it'll pull upto about 20mph under it's own steam.great in snow with decent tyres on.I've had vans all my driving life and I have to say that this is the best so far.Though the Kangoo was more fun on twisty country roads, it was like a go cart!

translate these then!
1. Intitot=my that is extremely warm

2. Guizit= please give me it here good fellow.

3. Summatsupeer=one is thinking something is amiss.

4. Gerritetten=please eat it

5. Gerartnit=oh do please go away

6. Supwidee= (I'm assuming this is spelt wrong)=what seems to be the matter dear chap

7. Smarrerweeim=what appears to be the trouble with yonder chap

8. Iampgorrit=I'm afraid I don't have it dear fellow

9. Azeegeniter=Did that fellow give it to her

10. Geeit mester=give it the kind gent

11. Eez gooinooam=the chap is making his way to his abode

12. Astha gorrit reight=are you sure that you are correct dear fellow

13. Isthemum=It is your mother

14. Ast gorrit withy=do you have it about you person dear fellow

15. Purrimineer=put him in here

16. Ayampt eared nowt=I'm afraid I have not heard anything

17. Thalafta gerra newun=I'm afraid you'll have to replace it

18. Eeesezazitintis – burraberritiz=he denies it is his property but I am thinking to the contrary

19. Lerrus gerrus andswesht=one would like to immerse ones hands in water

20. Sumonemz gorragerroff=a select few chaps will have to alight/leave

21. Weev gorra gerrus imbux=we church going few need our pages of hymnal lyrics

22. Thamus gerrit lernt=one must be able to know it off by heart

23. Shutthigob=do please be quiet and stop speaking

24. Owzeeno=how does that chap have the knowledge

25. Aberritinterz=I am assuming that it does not belong to that dear lady

26. Eez nobutta babbi=he is an infant

27. Asta seenim ont tellihave you viewed the chap on the television

28. Nardendee wotardoooin=what is one upto

29. Corforus apostate itmornin=I would like you to call upon my person at half past the hour of eight in the morn

30. Lerrus gurrat pizchers=we shall make our way to the cinema

31. Astagorratenna=do you have ten pounds sterling about your person

32. Eeenose nowt abartit=the chap has no knowledge

33. Eez gunna gerra lotta lolli forrit=it is worth quite a sum of money

34. Lerra gerontbus=let her take public transport

35. Eedursnt purrizead undert watta=he never washes his head

36. Eesezeantaddit=he denies ever having it

37. Oowurreewee – wuree weeizsen=who was with the chap or was he alone

38. Ateldim burreewunt lissen=I informed the fellow of my opinion, which he chose to ignore it

39. Lerim purrizaton=let the fellow put on his head wear

40. Astle clowt thi if that dunt gioer=If you persist I will have to administer a sound thrashing

41. Tintintin=it would appear not to be in the metallic receptacle

42. Gerarry tergithi and weeit=(dubious spelling)=avoid giving it to you

43. Eez gorriz attooam=He has his at his abode

44. Thawansta wesh thi eeroils aht=one needs to pay more attention to what one is saying

45. Middadz gorrajag=my father drives a jaguar motor vehicle

46. Thakkan ifthawannts=It is entirely at your discretion dear fellow

47. Tantad nowt dunnatit as I nose on_ I am unaware of any tampering

48. Cantha kumtowerowse tunneet=Could one visit my abode this evening

49. Weerz gaffa =Where would your boss be at this moment

It might be worth watching just to see vinnie and that cross dressing cage fighter bloke have a ruck.
If Vinnie still has the psycho side that I saw him display at a David Battys' wedding when he played for Leeds they should all watch out.
Anyone who can relentlessly headbutt their way through a toilet door should not be incarcerated with a bunch of no marks for televisual pleasure!

Cad and the Dandy are relatively new players in the market I'd be interested to see what they do.
For quality I'd recommend Smith and Co Woollens (dufours place-Londinium)
Diege and Skinner or Anderson Shepherd on the row.
Do you have a Gieves and Hawke near you?
I'd recommend M and S for an off the peg suit.
They're currently running a range made from cloths from Alfred Browns at Bramley in Leeds.The cut may not be Saville row but the cloth is!! at a fraction of the price.

I just bought a whole new set up with windows seven and it worked great…until…….I installed Spybot!:-O

Then it kept locking up and that blue circle just kept spinning.Also ctrl alt delete and task manager popped up and you couldn't access its functions either.So uninstalled to see how it goes now.
Is anyone aware of compatability issues with win 7 and spybot?

Restless Natives!! Great soundtrack too courtesy of Big Country.

I think the guy's lucky he wasn't in the states!He'd probably have a lump of lead in him instead of brain damage!

But surely you'd already paid the photographer anyway?
Back in't day that would get you an album full of pics.
Any rellies that wanted copies would flick through your album and order what they wanted.
Isn't that the same here? You're showing the pics to your friends,rellies and whathave you via facebook and if they want a decent print then it's off to contact the photographer?

Lets face it, you could order quality prints from a photographer then use a good scanner to copy the lot.Surely they'd be good enough to hang in the average house in a frame.
The only difference in this case is that the photographer concerned has seen them!

My advice…….

I actually wanted one to send to my brother!
Who would not be offended in the slightest.
Now I can't just because some fat ugly ginner bint ( am I ok saying that?) in York was slightly offended after pondering on it for a while( see last nights Calendar news!)
I was ginger at birth but quickly realised the error of my ways and changed my hair colour.I was blonde by the time I was two!

How do you stand legally if you've copyrighted your own image? surely then if a photographer uses it they're in the brown sticky stuff?
I can't believe a photographer can whine about one of his subjects displaying a picture of themselves.Surely the disputed image wouldn't have happened without either party?
If they're using it for financial gain or self promotion then that's another matter, but whining about having it on facebook as a profile pic or part of an album……..petty in the extreme!

If there was only one empty seat on a bus and it was next to the guy with the 'tache fom top gear last night…..I'd stand! 😆

Surely it's this?
(crap picture…….sorry!)

I love threads like this! You might as well ask what's your favourite band?

There are some albums on there that the world would have been better off without (imo).

Best album ever would have to be one so ground breaking or popular that it had untouchable iconic status.

Is "best" measured by being most popular?
If so Jacko wins!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_best-selling_albums_worldwide

Or is best the most critically aclaimed?
http://www.acclaimedmusic.net/

I think we need to know what exctly the question is here people!

That's it Meeee!Thanks.

Proof if it were needed that Singletrackworld is the font of all knowledge!

And sorry Sidney, I don't read the Guardian, Daily sport maybe, Guardian definitely not!

Oh dear…..turn on "show hidden files and folders" in your folder settings.
Your ipod will then appear as just a harddrive and music can be dragged from it and placed thereupon!
The music dragged from it will be named in some weird ipod read only format and not the proper song names.
there is some free ware out there to rename your tracks though, just google for it.

Who the hell crossed out Bruce Dickinson and put Paul Dianno?! 😯
No comparrison! Bruce is far more gifted, Dianno should stick to punk,though he has got better with age I'll give you that!

I'd nominate, (in no particular order) Marty Robbins(Pete Townsend is a big fan apparently),Jim Reeves (voice like ovaltine), Nat King Cole, Pavarotti? John Denver.

I like a lot of metal too but I reckon most would be classed as distinctive and not "good".

I know a bird in york….I could give you her number?! 😆

At a rough guess I would say the bushing in the shock eye is worn and needs replacing.Might be worth replacing the shuttle that it sits on too.
It's most likely to be the bushing at the end between the linkage plates.
Test to see if it's this by undoing the bottom of your shock from the bike frame so you can get to the eyelet then put a small sliver of insulation tape into the eye and remount it all.If the knocking stops then you know this is the cause of your problems.
SIMPLES!!!

2.36 for me.
First time I've done it.I was told to save myself for the last climb which I was doing, then realised I was actually on the last climb and could/should have burried myself and improved by at least 5 places.Damn!
Definitely need a hardtail for next year,the hills were a real drag on my full suss trail centre type bike.
Good organisation though and top tea and cakeage afterwards too.

Kailzie gardens

My major jake was awesome! Just sold it this week. Have done trail centres on it(Grizedale,Gisburn etc) Skiddaw, Coniston and the three peaks a couple of times.It's pretty light and never let me down.

Looking at your pic SFB I can understand why you think there's no god!
If god created man in his own image……….well…………why would you bother replicating something that looks that bad?! 😆 😉

You don't have to wear a purple cloak and take a chicken to slaughter every week.
(satanism's a religion too you know!)

Although if you are an aethiest,when you die is it a case of "All dressed up with no place to go?"
And should you be on a terminally malfunctioning plane heading into Manchester…..vertically,at warp speed, what do you do whilst everyone else is kissing their arse goodbye and praying?