“As somebody who used to be a teenage girl, who was very bright but didn’t like being called on in class – handling this by letting her avoid the problem might not be the best thing. Perhaps the teacher is testing if she has changed, giving her the chance to prove that she can handle the attention, the sky won’t fall in etc. She won’t gain confidence in herself, and that is what she needs, by hiding.”
Unfortunately this is precisely the wrong approach, no matter how well meaning it is. Before I had first hand experience and three years of a very sharp learning curve involving doctors, therapists and ASD specialists – not to mention doing a lot of my own research it was exactly how I thought. It is in fact the best way to break a young person suffering from these disorders, especially a girl as they are far better at masking the symptoms until its too late to avoid a crisis. Boys with ASD are much more vocal, normally cause trouble earlier in the school program and are therefore identified quicker but girls get left as they ‘are so good in class but so quiet’ ‘a delight to teach but so shy’ ‘so polite and lovely but she needs to speak up more in class’ No No No she doesn’t need to speak up more in class, or rather she does but it will take a lot more than the teacher calling on her to make it happen. This lot more will probably include a diagnosis, therapy and almost certainly medication. Three things I was well against at the start of my daughters journey but I’ve seen her go from a normal high achieving child on the outside to the brink of insanity and now thanks to diagnosis, therapy and medication she is hopefully back to a semblance of happiness and at University. We are still taking it one day at a time though.
A diagnosis is the number one most important part of the solution as it unlocks all the other pieces of the jigsaw. Unfortunately you simply cannot get this on the NHS in time for it to be of benefit. Privately it will cost between £1500 and £4000 and for a proper clinic diagnosis you need to be referred by a GP
Its the best money we ever spent and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
Once you have this you can get an Education, Health and Care Plan EHCP This is an amazing document that sets out the educational and health special needs that will allow your daughter to begin to function normally. It varies from child to child but essentially its a legal document that means schools and universities take things very seriously. My daughter had access to a quiet space at all times, was allowed to leave lessons and return unasked, was allowed to take exams in a smaller room etc Now she’s at Exeter Uni they are being amazing and have so much support. All this is laid out in the ECHP. Its pretty much the only reason she can go there.
The other reasons she has made huge progress are therapy and medication but that’s more private so I wouldn’t talk about it on an open forum.
But it all starts with a diagnosis. Without that you’ll always end up with people saying what the well meaning person said above which is vary versions of just pull yourself together and you’re fine and the HYO thinking he can just get her to snap out of it…….THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN
