My Dad died in suddenly 1984 aged 68. He held my daughter once! That is the greatest sorrow that the kids didn’t know him. Mum is now 88 and very good for her age. Physically and mentally active. She is really active in her small Devon village, but she is 5 hours away and I’m the only one.
We gave her an iPad a couple of years ago and she really has taken to Facetiming, not only to make it more interactive with the kids, but because her hearing is going and we can see when she has missed something. (and if she is lying to us about her health) It has also meant she plays long distance scrabble etc. The kids (30 and 27) have often suggested that she move here (MK) but the main reason she is so good is that she has such a vigorous social circle. Coming here would limit her. They are good at driving down to see her, and she comes up on the train independently.
She has become noticeably frailer in the last couple of years and we have had a couple of scares with falls and infections. I’m lucky in that I can pop down because of the nature of my work, but its not nice being this far away. The rest of the village are great generally. Wish we could find a regular lawn cutter though.
We’re sorted with power of attorney etc, but she has discussed things and is very clear that she doesn’t want a messy end. I don’t encourage her to talk in this manner she she is strongly vocal about being past her sell by date. Having had a good life she doesn’t want to bother with pain and being a burden. She has already signed the living will forms (do not resuscitate forms etc)
I wouldn’t be surprised to get a call one day to hear that she has been found on the garden bench in the sunshine with an empty bottle of pills next to her. That may sound odd but its not about depression, but about having had a life worth celebrating and being remembered for that.
I am lucky that she is positive, scared that she will become dependant and will miss her beyond imagination. But generally I think we are as prepared as we could be. And she is the one who has done the preparing. I’m so grateful to her.