Hold on, you’re a bloke… That means it is _impossible_ to fart too much.

If people are getting bored of it, just learn how to fart in a more musical tone, or practice lighting them. That’s got to be good for a few laughs!

(tip: Always wear boxers or shorts or something when lighting farts. Never try it commando)

When was the last time you had the brake pads checked? Something similar happened to my Frontera a year or so ago when the nearside front caliper seized and wore all the pad material away.

It ended up being a recon caliper, but that was a lot cheaper that bearings, CV joints etc.

Walking? WTF?

I hope it’s for charity or something because otherwise you could have got the same effect by going to the shops a lot.

ck… Misinformation! What better way to promote scientology than to make a TV show that hinges on karma.

Think about it!!

Damn, these scientologists are clever

I might go to the stationary cupboard and get all the pens pointing the right way.

Oh, fetish? I thought you mean OCD.

Smiffy… Pure Claas?

You guys need to visit Bury St. Edmunds in Suffolk. There’s a Claas depot there with lots of shiny stuff. Mate of mine liked combines for some odd reason and was always loitering around it.

Because it’s American and therefore has to have that saccharine ending? Everything working out?

20 years? You get less than that for murder these days.

I hope the company recognised your loyalty with something better than a card…

What was that one with David Scwimmer in? I thought he was half decent in that.

You’re right though, Hot Fuzz was not a patch on Shaun of the Dead.

Technically, the Thom(p)son twins were unrelated, but looked identical. One was Thomson, the other Thompson. It was a bit of a joke or something.

I started running more. A nice crisp morning always makes me grin.

Checked my home speed last night. Plugged actuall Cat-5 cable into the router and started the test.

Got a _MASSIVE_ 128k/sec download speed. I am not about to complain to PlusNet.

Love:
1. The scenery. There are some beautiful places
2. The space. I’d love to own several hundred acres of Motana or Vermont
3. Cheap petrol
4. errrrrr
5. Hmmmmmm
6. Ability to own handguns
7. Decent steaks
8. You can turn right on a stop signal
9. Thier roads seem to have fewer potholes than ours
10. Some of them can be really nice people

Hate:
1. The cities
2. The time it takes to get anywhere
3. hugely inefficient cars. I mean, a 5.7 l V8 for going to the shops? for ****’s sake.
4. People that drive _verywhere_. Even between office blocks that are next to each other.
5. The huge number of really fat people
6. The fact that most peope own handguns because they feel too scared to live without one
7. No concept of healthy eating
8. monumentally shit cars that don’t steer, stop or accelerate. I’ve driven more responsive ox carts
9. roads have no bends in them
10. Most of them are ****

A canoe?

Bah! I still don’t have enough points to get into the lounge at T5. Remind me to get the company to send me over the the States a bit more.

I only get to go running at lunchtime twice a week right now. Three times if I am lucky. But, I have a dog and take him for a walk three times a day and do press-ups and sit-ups with extra weight every morning and evening without fail. Ok, not many (call it 75 pressups, 30 sit-ups a session), but it keeps some muscle tone in a body that is forced to sit in front of a computer for 8 hours a day.

In summer I cycle to work as well, but right now it’s just far too **** dangerous on that road.

We had a Duralit at work and it was bloody good. Imaging about 40 developers making toast through the day, day in, day out, for about 4 years and it only gave up the ghost late last year.

When the new kitchen turns up I’m going to go get one for home.

Bwahahahahahaa! Work is the daddy!

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Mind you, my home speed thing is shiiiite. On an "up to 8 meg" service, but last night was barely getting 150kb/sec. It’s toss as the exchange is almost visible from my house and only about 2500m away.

It seems to be a common thread that driving a crap car means you get pulled over more. My first car was a beige/green/grey/white/brown Fiat Panda 4×4 and I got pulled over three times in a couple of months by the same copper.

The first time was just leaving a 30 zone and for no reason I can see. The second time he was waiting just down the road from a pub just before kicking out time and pulled me further down the road. As the pool team’s Des for the night I was fine with the excuse that they were checking to see if I had been drinking.

The last time was just after a stretch of dual carriage way. I’d left a friend’s house and was well inside the speed limit when a car burned up the road and followed me right up my arse the whole length of the section. I was blinded by their bloody headlights for about a mile and thought that some scummy chav was trying to get me to speed up.

At the next roundabout (heading into a national speed limit) I put my foot down and they pulled me over about 400m later. No reason. The bloke got me to come out and clean my number plate ("it’s nearly illegible" – i.e. still legible) and the second I stepped out of the car breathalised me. No joy there for him. He then mentioned that my driving could have been dangerous (i.e. going round the roundabout at speed) to which I replied that I thought that, given their closeness behind my car and the full beams they had on, I thought that someone was trying to run me off the road and thought I had better put some distance between us when the speed limit went up.

He was a bit quiet after that.

Interestingly, when I bought a loud Golf GTi I never got pulled over once. Same with the ex-police Omega MV6.

A life of crime is deffo the way forward. Think about how low the detection and arrest rates are for burglary and other crimes of that ilk.

If you had the moral fortitude to be scum, you could probably make a fortune from a career as a burgler. For extra style points, be a cat burgler and steal lots of expensive jewelry. They might make a film about your life then…

Working
Working
Sleeping
Some running (getting sorted out for a 10k soon and am tempted by the London Marathon next year…)
A fair bit of shooting.
Working
Swearing at my car

If you have a webmail account (like Yahoo), then you will need to see if Yahoo supports POP3 downloading of your cusrrent mailbox offline. I know Gmail does.

If it does, then you can use your ISP’s SMTP server to send out and all will be sweetness and light.

Bjork

She could solve the whole thing with music

If he has, it’s probably a Traser or something else from Silvermans. All those fit into the £500 price bracket and they are pretty hard wearing too.

Mind you, I have a Casio G-Shock I got for about £7 in 1989 from Gatwick Duty free. Still works, still keeps good time.

Was that jump up to the top of a **** BUILDING???

And then OFF the **** BUILDING?

nutter

epicyclo.

never, NEVER, EVVVVERRRR go out with anyone that owns a horse. Ever.

The horse will always come first in the relationship (not that way you sickos) and you will probably be forced to get up at some ungodly time to muck out, feed and put the bloody thing in a field. Usually when it is pissing wet, sleeting or howling a gale.

Yes, I used to be married to someone that owned a horse. Phrase to remember: “I will go before the horse does!”.

She went.

Just leave plenty of room and be super-cautious about other drivers. Ok, I drive a 4×4, but I learnt very early on (back when we actually used to get snow over christmas in the UK) that you can drive as slowly and as carefully as you need to to get to your destination. You get points for arriving, not trying.

I agree about the skills of most people in the snow though. Got back from Calgary end of last month and was amazed at how normal things were to the locals, even though there was snow all over the place. The coach drivers were just unbelievable. You’d never see National Express coping with that depth of snow and ice.

Do you like regular tea breaks?

If the interview is at 9:30, ask loudly if you can stop at 10 for tea and biscuists (unless they already have stopped).

Unfortunately I am reading the CISSP Prep Guide, something I would not recommend unless you have terminal insomnia or need an infosec qualification.

When I can truly read no more, I turn to “Gust Front” by John Ringo.

’tis not the dre3ad man flu Spanky… I had that before I went to Canada in December. Really floored me too, despite having the flu jab just the day before.

Suspicious? Yes.

That’s just mental.

Edward. Then you can call him Ted and talk to him about the drainage in the lower field.

Or Ralph. Both are good names.

Mmmmmmm. Shiny bike.

Who’s that Nikki woman and what does she do?

I would like to object to the photo of Anna Rawson. There is no way she should be allowed to go on the green in those shoes. It’s encouraging vandalism of golf facilities

Yup, been in all this week apart from yesterday. Very quiet, but I could get a lot of the build-up from before Christmas squared away in those days.

It would appear that my “stnad in” hasn’t done an especially good job of things…