Tough one. I let my dog run up to other dogs if they’re not on leads because he always swerves about three metres in front of them to see if they’re going to be friendly. He knows not to run up to dogs on leads.

The OP has said he didn’t see the lead, made an assumption and the other guy’s frankly crap warning came too late.

Anyway, mine learnt by being bitten (once!) and has got wise. Hope yours does too. And he still loves most other dogs.

Oh, if we’re also allowed success stories… I was at Xscape in Castleford one day and the local Puma store were selling really naff knee / elbow pads for 10p a packet in a huge bargain bin. I bought as many as I could be arsed stuffing in the car (about £20 worth) and sold each one for about a fiver plus postage.

Good job I lived 30 seconds away from the local post office. They hated me in there.

So, so many. But the most annoying was selling about 40 antique wax cylinder records for a fair price and finding I had a Belgium buyer, despite selecting UK only and making it clear in the description.

He persuaded me he’d pay for the courier and seemed like a decent old chap so I chucked in a pile of extra, empty cylinder boxes, packaged the whole lot as if they were Faberge eggs and foolishly posted them off.

They arrived with five smashed and this guy went absolutely radge. He also insisted the empty boxes I’d sent should have had records in them.

PayPal account frozen, money sucked out of my bank account, courier company insurance refusing to answer the phone.

Expensive, time-sucking error that one.

I know a few guys who have one, but they’re not the kind of people who’d be nice enough to lend it to me. So the answer to the OP is, “Not very easily”.

Coke and rent boys. It’s the (female) stw way.

old 1l polo

There’s your problem. I suffer the pain of driving around in an old Megane estate (shoot me someone) which needs its fuel pump massaged almost daily in order to start. It makes me feel dirty and I miss my Volvo.

You still have whisky in your flask from last Christmas?! This story had better be a topper.

Just drink whatever it was that you wanted to put in the flask. Before boarding. I’m confused as to why you’d want to pack a full hip flask – perhaps it’s a present?

I genuinely appreciated this musical styling:

Stoner, was that you in a lav cubicle at 09:57 in an office near Waterloo today

But the poor guy in the cubicle next to me in the local who said, “Please, please” through his clenched teeth takes the biscuit imho.

Weird how pretty much everyone agrees that guns are horrible things, but there are still arguments. Even for this place that’s surprising.

Edit: I quite like guns but am glad our laws won’t let me have one, because then other, possibly more mad people would be allowed one too.

I must admit, I’m a bit confused by this trend. Gears are a good thing. They were invented to stop your legs getting sore.

If you bang your head, you don’t care. You’re probably knocked out.

If you take a nasty elbow scrape, then, “ooyah”.

Burp.

I don’t think you should be giving a baby whiskey

Whisky.

I’ve got sixteen year old Shimano shifters, what is your major malfunction?

You, my friend, are on a very sticky wicket.

What’s better than chucking babies off a cliff?

Catching them with a pitchfork.

I’m not allowed to post on joke threads :-(

I only have one joke and it gets me banned every time. Inbox me for details ;-)

lovely tits/ass

Well. It certainly helps. I didn’t marry a hot young thing. I married the lady I wanted to be the mother of my children.

[/quote]There are literally…no words

One, two, three, four, five. Five words.

Crumbs, that was easy. Thanks STW and mattbee in particular.

Really? Nae bother for a skinny wee chap like myself.

Agreed (edit with GS) Were I that child in the video, I hope I’d conduct myself with similar aplomb. And not call her a mad ****.

One incident from my bin man / ski slope attendant worker stays with me though. After a 10 hour day, encouraging kids to ski / snowboard / skate, I witnessed a chap throwing a paper bag away – he was on a BSO with two wee boys.

He was a big lad but he totally got my goat and my goat was gotten. I forcefully asked him if he thought that was a good example to set to his kids, he replied with his fists.

Poked him in the face with my litter picker, got sacked.

Side effects; horrific dhiorrea, slight dislocation from reality, not much else.

Mine were prescribed after overcoming a drink problem. If your brain is chemically imbalanced, the drugs may do you a power of good. I’d suggest starting with your soul though.

It’s a product called “Divorce”. Very effective.

Obviously, it’s about education. The more of us who instill in our children the idea that taking your rubbish home, the better our immediate environs will be.

Sadly, there are still lots of adults my age (42 if you must know) who think it’s fine to dump inconvenient stuff out the window / over the shoulder.

When I was at school, we had short telly programmes reminding us why we shouldn’t chuck our litter around. Followed by a boy getting fried whilst trying to retrieve a frisbee from a pylon. Bring back the good old days.

There are means and ways. This isn’t one.

When all the available options are used up, when you’ve fruitlessly petitioned the council, perhaps you’ve tried soft conversation with the perpetrators at the park, then go radge. Just unload on the wee blighters.

Obviously not the best course of action but I genuinely feel her frustration.

WTactualF does the fact that she’s a woman have to do with this?

Someone’s finally lost their rag due to the mess of their environment. I don’t blame her. This isn’t about gender, it’s about a massive lack of respect (and a wee bit of nimbyism).

What’s her sex/gender got to do with anything though?

Absolutely nothing apart from the fact that had it been a six foot, bearded man, the video would have been three seconds long and the kids would have scattered.

When I was a scabby student, I had a job with the local council, picking up rubbish (amongst other duties). It was eye opening and I lost my rag badly with people sometimes.

Yes, it’s my job to pick it up, no it’s not my job to stand by and listen to you telling your kid that it’s my job whilst you chuck your Maccy D wrappers on the ground, you oaf.

Got sacked.

This bottom left…

This setup cleared my dad’s house of house mice within a week. Whole buckets full of mice every morning.

Que?

The kid narrating actually comes across quite well. I used to work at a site with a free skate park and one of our many joyful tasks was to go down and clean it up every day.

Filthy little feckers. Bins everywhere, never used. Rubbish blowing over the entire site, dog’s abuse off the kids because one of their mates had smashed a Lambrini bottle in one of the bowls.

Occasionally, one of the less ill – mannered ones would come and demand a brush to sweep the bowls out. That stopped after the 12th non-returned brush, later found snapped, hanging from a tree.

I’m pretty skinny and have muscles like knots in a bit of string :-(

Hire a rent a cop for a couple of weekends on minimum wage.

Well, if the 3rd cottage (op) accesses his garden through 1 and 2, surely 2 accesses his garden through 1?

Necks don’t get any redder. Ignore.

Sing ’em a made up song about an adventure you had when you were their age. Perhaps something about a fairy who granted you wishes, or a climb up a mountain. Kids love drama.

Odd question. D Lock him to the bride and have them both look sad, like you might see in a local paper under the headline, “Thugs Shot my Cat with an Airgun”.

Dat’s all I got. Sorry.