The Doka broke down halfway from Bury to Bolton, matey had a 300Tdi 110 Land rover that i knew was man enough to tow it. At the time i was up Smithils about 100m down from the Winter Hill mast and about a quarter of a mile from Yan the Landy Man’s place – all this will become pertinent to those with local knowledge- So im on the Bolton side of Belmont Rd.
Matey lives on a farm in Darwen just off the A666, so the aforementioned local knowledge base will be working out the quickest route being up past the old Belmont Bleach works.
We now know the tree lined lanes leading this way to be a local dogging hotspot.
We had our suspicions before, but trust me, now it’s a dead cert!
Anyway the trusty Landy dragged the ailing Merc along Crompton way, which was backfiring like a machine gun all the way as i ran the engine to get servo assist on the brakes, so all the locals at a reet Tut n Shive called The Bolton Castle were out expecting some drug deal gone wrong, but this ancient old nato green massive defunct shitbox came trundling past dragged on a substantial rope.
So we get to Coal Pit rd somewhat noisily but in one piece , and matey heads home in all innocence, via the shortest path…
Where he happens upon a “broken down Fiesta” being “pushed” by 2 blokes
So being the gentleman he is, he winds down the window (300Tdi’s are posh like that, no lowly sliding windows for them) and is about to say “do you need a lift lads”
But all that escapes from his mouth is a sound like Dr Bunsen Honeydew’s best mate.
In his own words ” They were butt naked and i know one of them was ginger and i never saw his head”
As he rolled up the window, that’s when he noticed the 3rd bloke with the camera…
So if you’re on Pornhub or whatever and happen upon a film with two blokes going hammer and tongs over the back of a fiesta, and a white Land Rover rolls up and a big bald bloke leans out and says “Meeep” before scorching off in a cloud of diesel smoke
Don’t blame me!
