Jeezus, we must have been lucky with our three kids! My heart reaches out to the OP – I can’t imagine not being able to engage with my bunch of daft but loveable twerps.
The eldest was never a problem – always motivated and driven, has been all over the world by age of 25 (currently in Africa), has a MSc and is applying for funding for a PhD.
The middle one was a bit of a problem – bad friend choices, disasterous attempt at A levels, alcohol and (probable) substance abuse which we managed to catch before things got really out of hand. Sat her down (forcibly on a few occasions) and got her to discuss, frankly, what she thought she was doing, what she really wanted to do and where she saw herself in ten years time. We ended up letting her drop out of school for a year and make her part time, supermarket job into a, virtually, full time one, all the while looking for an area/subject that she was really interested in. Finished up doing voluntary work in a theatre and a BTec in technical theatre studies – she loved it! Due to the recession theatre jobs are few and far between so she went into fashion retail (OK, clothes shop assistant) and is now an assistant manager at a quality, national clothing store.
The youngest……………hmm, yes. Lovely lad but as daft as a brush – didn’t think he’d get through GCSE’s let alone anything else BUT! – between me and his eldest sister we got him through Science, Maths and English and he did his own thing with Art and Design Technology. There was no way on this Earth he was going to do A levels/stay on at school, so, once again we sat him down and asked what he really, really was interested in. He ended up doing a BTec in Graphic Design with the idea that he’d then look for employment because he didn’t want to go to university……….er, he’s, currently at Uni(2nd year) and is predicted a first!
What I think I’m trying to say is that the OP must, must, must try and find a way to engage with his son…………even if it means breaking down in tears in front of him – it’s because you do care – worked with my middle one, she was so shocked that her Dad did actually love her so much. Once he can see and accept that love the rest might be just that bit easier.
*crosses fingers*