Perfect, thanks all

I can’t view any messages other than the last One I received.

Mine was great when he was that age, and my 3 yo has been fantastic on the holidays this year.

Pls excuse me, I’ve had a quite alot to drink, but the only time I’ve had a problem is when I have parented poorly.

Maybe your expectations are too great, and you’re creating stress when a more chilled reaction would engender better behaviour.

I expect City to win the league.

But am more interested in the outcome of their case against the prem lge, and the 115 charges against them.

2 years old

@shermer75 none of that, just a bruise at the site of the pain this morning.

Alas it seems that @shrinktofit is correct ?

It’s still bloody sore tho.

Not dead, woohoo!!!

@crossed, @frogstomp thanks

Vito was the most uncomfortable van i have ever used.

The offset driving position was extraordinarily bad for my back

How do they compare to the singletrack tee’s?

A note: I know that describing 1 parent as “Shouty short-tempered” is very disrespectful, however they were very unkind last night, and this parent is jolly annoyed with shouty short-tempered parent.

@poly
Screens are often the cause of the poor reactions, for instance he was given 160 minutes on a Switch yesterday morning playing Mario and Fortnite (against my wishes), and when he was asked to get off it, his behaviour deteriorated dramatically. The same happens when his tablet or phone (again supplied against my wishes) is taken away from him.
As others said you do need a united front parenting – that doesn’t mean you actually both need to deal with everything exactly the same way, and doesn’t mean your partner necessarily needs to level up to your standard. The bits in brackets in the quote above and the coded way you wrote the OP tell a lot. That doesn’t mean your partner is in the wrong – but you clearly think they are – and that’s the first thing to sort out. Now why does your partner believe giving the Switch/Tablet/Phone to the child is a solution? I suspect its because it shuts them up, keeps them busy, gets them out of the way. Now why is that? Is it that your partner is being left to run the household, or try and earn a living at the same time as being responsible for the child? Are you pulling your weight with everything else or thinking that being strict parent is a job in itself? In this house, we probably operate to different standards – I’m the tolerant one, but also an escalation point; when the kids get told off by me they really know they’ve gone too far BUT if they talk back argue, are rude etc to either of us thats never tolerated or ignored.

One parent is on a couch watching TV suffering with anxiety. It’s worth pointing out that this is almost every saturday afternoon after they have been to an art class, and consumes most of their sunday’s too. It is also the way that most evenings are spent.

Excessive gaming has long been an issue for parents. Gaming with friends online makes that worse – if you restrict the times you restrict time with friends. Covid made that worse because we forced kids to only interact on line then expect them to understand its now different.

Someone said boys are worse – perhaps more likely to use certain types of game but IME girls are just as likely to spend too long using Social Media, and being nasty amongst themselves. In fact it may be the kids are on Switch because mum and dad are on Insta and STW!

The sports/activities thing is not just good advice because of the exercise and disciplines aspect but because they will spend time with others face to face. It could be a chess club, a drama group, scouts etc. As well as all those benefits its usually an hour or two where they function without a phone!

Oh and a final thought – does the kid’s personality traits seem like either of yours? the things I’ll tolerate most are my own weaknesses and those are also the things that infuriate my other half the most about the kids.

He is very much like the non shouty short-tempered parent was at that age, but is without question a better kid. My 10yo therefore gets significant empathy from the non shouty short-tempered parent.

@Cougar
Parents have got to be a united front.
Totally agree

Whenever he does something bad enough to warrant punishment, its the games console or tablet that gets removed and his behaviour is immaculate for the duration. As soon as it comes back, his behaviour descends again.
Make of it what you will!
What I make of that is “removal of things they like.” Could equally have been a football. If you’re going to arbitrarily go “right, fun time is over, time to stare at a wall for an hour” then of course they’re going to kick off. You’re removing the console, what are you replacing it with?

I also totally get this and alternatives are always suggested, again for the reason above, shouty short-tempered parent is not engaging with any alternatives and the other parent is very often doing housework. I’m pleased to say that the consistent msg in lots of these responses has started shouty short-tempered parent thinking, I think they may be realising that “Off the switch/tablet/phone.” with nothing other than TV as an alternative is a huge part of the problem.

Kids are only kids for a finite amount of time. Let them be kids.

I Am Not A Parent.

he was given 160 minutes on a Switch yesterday morning playing Mario and Fortnite
Did you have a stopwatch?

The Switch app allows me to see the playtime

(against my wishes)
Why?

Because as mentioned above on the subject of rewards, he collects 10p for every chore, he can exchange this for 5 minutes of screen time, on the day in question he had 35 minutes to use, but was given 160 “because his mates were online.”

This sounds like a ‘you’ problem. Screens aren’t the cause of bad behaviour, removal of screens for little reason beyond “because I said so” is the cause of bad behaviour. Again: what are you replacing it with? Are you dragging him off the Switch to take him to the park? Have you got a Lego set to build together? Or are you just being nowty because Screens?

As mentioned above, 2 things can’t be done at once, and if the housework isn’t done, shouty short-tempered parent gets shouty at the other parent too.

@namastebuzz

Are you & her separated? You haven’t said as much but it sounds like it due to the lack of consistency and differing viewpoints. If so, you need to sit down with her & work out a consistent approach.

No but I agree consistency is 1 issue, the parent who over-reacts rapidly has recognised that their behaviour is unhelpful, and has committed to improving this. Although this is not the 1st time that said commitment has been made and broken.

It’s not the behaviour\reactions that are the issue – we need to invest in the connections within the family and in whatever activities he enjoys that can foster those connections.

I completely get this, but being honest, shouty short-tempered parent has an anxiety issue. This means that when both parents are in the house, they will only prepare meals and then sit in front of the TV (they have no active hobbies of any kind) with both children and don’t help with any housework or chores. Obviously this puts pressure on the other parent, who then has no time to be active with the children, or to play MarioKart, or guitar, or read.

He needs a timetable for what he’s doing on a daily\weekly basis and clear time limits for device use and probably a countdown for when he has to come off. (He shouldn’t really be on Fortnite at 10 but you could try playing Mariokart with him for example).

This is in place, but when shouty, short-tempered parent is experiencing an anxiety storm, it is sometimes not enforced, as on this occassion.

A planner is doubly important if you’re living in separate houses.

OTs would suggest that the brain is working so fast when you’re playing games that, when you come off, afterwards everything seems slow & boring by comparison. He needs to do something physical after gaming – trampolining, pillow fight, football etc. That will help regulate his emotions and reset the brain before moving on to another activity.

Does he read or draw or listen to audio books?

He does both.

You could try a marble jar. Each time he does something right (like coming off a game on time or tidying his room etc) you put a marble in the jar. Once it’s full he earns whatever treat or day out you’ve agreed on in advance. Don’t ever take marbles out for bad behaviour. Just don’t add one.

This is also already in place.

@a11y ignore me, sorry

And on the subject of Blackline, a dryrobe for 27 quid https://www.chainreactioncycles.com/p/nukeproof-blackline-robe

Screens are often the cause of the poor reactions, for instance he was given 160 minutes on a Switch yesterday morning playing Mario and Fortnite (against my wishes), and when he was asked to get off it, his behaviour deteriorated dramatically. The same happens when his tablet or phone (again supplied against my wishes) is taken away from him.

He does TaeKwon-Do but little else physically.

@pisco Andy is a top bloke too, I used to love going in to see him.

Will do, ta

Rats, bought the moon light and it won’t fit because of the stupid battery on my axs dropper!

So further complication, is there a saddle mount light that works with an axs dropper?

Moon nebula light looks sensible money and loadsalumens

There’s the rub, my light goes around my seatpost.

@bens The winter shoes have an internal lining so sizing up is recommended. Speak to Richard at Salt Dog Cycling, he is very knowledgeable.

I’m shipping it, although I could deliver it as it’s not too far.

@PJay – Saw that but I think only medium’s, it’s the small 130mm that I used to have.

@didnthurt – Are you saying I’m old and a bit fat!!!!!

@sirromj They pity the fool!

Apparently Mr T was caught by the Police, but was never tried and has no record.

I got my 9yo a Santa Cruz for 80 quid or so in 8″ flavour, general consensus from skater mates, and 2 or 3 shops was that the size was fine for when they are starting out

I’ll be taking him to Old Trafford for Green Day and to Wembley for Foo Fighters, wouldn’t want there to be a problem on the door.

Thanks @flyingpotatoes, it didn’t work for me sadly but I got 2 this morning in the spotify presale

Anyone?

Thank you, the problem is with Sage, it is sending no data, there are only speech marks with nothign between them

Pretend I know virtually zero about Excel for a minute

My wife wears Coco Madamoiselle, used to think it very pleasant, post Covid it smells like burnt paper.

Other things also smell of burnt paper from time to time, this has happened maybe 8 times in the last 3 years. I believe that every time I have experienced this flare-up, I have had Covid.

The out front mount

Scotroutes – I have and it’s still £130 and thered’s household is not flush with cash atm

Standard mount but it’s always the way with these slow speed spils, they do more damage than would be expected, my hip is killing me!

Rubber_buccaneer, you’re a genius

My Transit custom was slow, noisy and handled poorly, however it was reliable and build quality was decent.

My current Vito is quicker, quieter, handles better, however the build quality is poor and for a 55k mile, less than 4yr old van, it has many mechanical and electrical faults.