I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. I'm hughely impressed with your attitude to it all. It reminds me of Dylan Thomas – Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And I think poetry is gay 🙂
I really want you to beat this one which means screwing everyone else and being seriously selfish.
Oh and do the lottery on Saturday.. karma monkeys owe you big time!