My legs are in a right state from years of skating, so thats out.

Did think about a pipe, but don't think they are obnoxious enough.

I work in a hospital and I've heard about the CF barbs, not sure if I can dig out stats but I'll have a look.

Mostly from fishing poles in this country.

Pocket rocket.

People wil laugh at you when you produce the jetboil.

Probably.

Coke can stove?

Still prob go pocket rocket myself.

Is this you?

http://www.outdoorsmagic.com/news/article/mps/uan/6181

good luck, good cause.