Ooh … getting even more excited now!

So, on the must have list so far:
Work bench and stool with good overhead light
Bike hanging area (vertical or horizontal)
Lots of shelving and storage for widgets
Red shiny toolbox on wheels (could I get away with having one in pink???)
Space for oily rags etc (ie a dirty zone …)
Am liking the idea of a rubber floor (any other slightly pervy suggestions will have to wait til I’m seeking advice on fitting out the rooms upstairs :wink: )

Wine cooler with optional candles and cushions :)

mogrim – I was wondering whether horizontal would be better than vertical – but with 4/5 bikes I am a bit concerned about how much wall space would be needed?

Thanks for the suitably manly advice guys and girls, keep the suggestions coming … and yes it will probably smell of GT85 :)

LOL! Boys, I come on here for burly, rugged manly advice … and what do I get? Suggestions for cushions and candles … mind you, the wine cooler looks good :)

Girl cave is part of the house and already comes with heating, but will be a ‘blank canvas’ (in best Kirsty / Phil / Kevin speak), so will need to fit it out from scratch.

TSY – at anyone in particular? Or a new approach to a pillow fight :)

it’s turned gf a bit militant and we’re holding hands recklessly …

:lol: :lol:

Quote of the year so far for me – thanks Esmz!

(Has bizarre mental picture of reckless handholding techniques …)

crispo – I had this situation when I sold my property last year. No, the estate agent probably isn’t lying! Yes, both the seller and the estate agent will have the follwoing 2 criteria in their minds:

– what are the relative offers (obviously wanting to get the highest)

– who is in the best position to proceed (in a chain or not etc)

The seller will need to balance these two aspects, so you need to consider not just the value of your offer, but also the position you are in as a buyer?

When I sold my property, there were two propsective buyers making offers at the same time. Yes, it was a mini ‘bidding war’ in that both increased their offers, but both final offers were still below the asking price and ended up being exactly the same value. After that, I opted for the buyer who was in the best position to proceed as he didn’t have a property to sell.

If you can, take the emotion out of your decision making, think clearly and rationally, and act promptly.

8O

????

Edit … ah, now I see :)

Wow – fantastic suggestions guys and gals!

Will be cooking up as many versions as I can tonight :)

Thanks Cougar!

Any more budding Nigella’s / Jamie Oliver’s on the forum?

Suggestions for additions – chopped fruit or raisins? A dash of ginger, nutmeg or cinnamon?

erm … I was thinking more of homemade recipes!

Mods – any chance of having a direct link to the campaign and petition as a sticky? STW is such a popular forum, and it would be good to see it getting behind this campaign to try and make cycling safer.

IMHO, the politics of the paper concerned don’t matter. It’s finally put across the true impact of cycling casualties as a ‘human’ affair, and from that it will hopefully allow non-cyclists to have a bit more empathy.

Oh, and crazy-legs / CFH +1

Thanks guys!

and Crikey – LOL … :)

I’m not sure if this is a first for STW … but I listened to some of the advice on here 8O

Had a slight wobble – ie the “I’m not sure if this is what I want” panic mode text … But he was so nice about it, and happy to give me all the space and time I wanted, that I stopped and remembered some of the comments on here. So I finally WTFU, and now feel OK about us spending time together … actually more than OK … rather happy and smiling far too much for a Monday :)

Cheers guys, sometimes you speak words of wisdom …

Edukator – sorry, but that isn’t the case. You can’t ‘spot’ an homophobic bigot in advance, they tend to appear in all guises. Or just appear unexpectedly round the corner, or be unseen walking behind you. Which is why I tried to suggest that you to have a proper think about what you were saying, as to take your approach (which I also consider to be unjustifiable even if only ‘sometimes’), would mean as a gay person you could never have any public expression of affection. Which is utterly unacceptable.

Plus, the best way to overcome any bigotry is just to be open and normal (and no, that is not the same as some kind of ‘militant campaign’!)

emsz – that’s shit! Really glad you and Sara are OK, It’s a horrible thing to happen (a long time ago a similar thing happened to me and my girlfriend – got a load of abuse from a couple of very drunk guys. And it can be pretty scary – the phrase ‘best way to sort out a lesbian is to give her a good seeing to by a real man’ can be fairly frightening when it’s said to you and your girlfriend, even when of course they don’t actually go on to do anything).

Good on you for reporting it to the police (that in itself is a courageous thing to do), and carry on holding hands whenever you want to – it normal behaviour FFS!

As for those that say that Emsz (or anyone other gay couple) should not hold hands in public as it is against ‘social norms’ – have a proper think about the implications of what you are saying. How can anything change in society if it is always hidden away? Plus, it effectively means that emsz (or any other gay couple) can NEVER hold hands or express any affection in public, because you can never tell if the person near you might be some homophobic twunk. Last time I checked, homosexuality was not considered to only be acceptable ‘behind closed doors’ in the UK in the current day, it is (and should be) a normal relationship that’s no different from any straight couple.

Some wise (and funny!) words above.

Time to have a think – I guess either I accept that (like everyone) I take a chance of getting hurt and go with it, or I decide to never risk it and stay single. And I think with him I like the first option best :)

As for if I want to spend time with him? Well, yes, and when I do I seem to forget about everything else and am happy. It’s just when I’m not with him, that all these other concerns come creeping in.

And at the moment, it’s in those somewhat hedonistic early days, when there’s lots of enthusiasm and I think that’s what’s prompting him to want to see me lots, and me to get scared!

rightplacerighttime – no, not looking for husband / father material! Nor in the ‘young, free, single, looking for no ties fun’ bracket either. Early 40’s, spent most of my adult life in a long term, mainly positive relationship which ended 2 years ago. Separation was as amicable as these things can be, but hurt me dreadfully and left me feeling that I had lost everything. Two years on and I have a good, happy, fulfilling life, but now feel like I’m falling for someone again, and am wary of giving up too much of my current life in case it doesn’t work out, and can’t face ever being so hurt again.

dan1980 – don’t know if I’m in the right place for a relationship? Is he the right person – well, I think about him a lot and it always makes me smile (plus I get that funny butterfly feeling :) )

Binners – LOL! Think more 2nd class train travel and a bog standard business hotel! Unfortunately no champagne, wild parties, or dancing girls :)

johnners – you’ve just made me feel slightly queasy …

Thanks for the comments – I guess you’re right, you can’t have a relationship if you’re not prepared to give it chance to develop. wwaswas – managing an evening (or occassionally two) a week is probably where I’m at, but my days are usually pretty full with plans to go biking or climbing with friends. I’m also trying to see it from his perspective, and to think about how I’d feel if the situation was reversed and he was frequently saying to me that he didn’t have time to see me. Hmmm?

But I’m a bit like a tortoise when it comes to my feelings – I’ll stick my head out a bit, but am likely to dissappear back within my protective shell far to quickly. Best way to not get hurt is to not get involved in the first place, but it might now be too late for that!

wors – no comment :D

Friendly? yes :)

I genuinely like most people, and even if we’re different that’s usually leads to an interesting chat so is no bad thing.

Really enjoy meeting new people, and happy to have a laugh and general blether with anyone and everyone. Although, as I’m now learning, friendliness can be occassionally be misinterpreted 8O

Wow, thanks for all the suggestions – will check them out in more detail later.

Re somewhere for lunch – needs to be very close to waverley as I don’t have much time before heading for a meeting

Dinner – well I’m a veggie / fish eater, so a steak house wouldn’t be great! Probably more a decent pub with food rather than anything more fancy.

TJ (and Mrs TJ) / DGOAB – I’m free next Thursday (26th) evening if you’re around? (No bike I’m afraid as I’m up for work)

TJ – sounds good! STW pub crawl :)

DGOAB – +1

From my perspective the fundamentals of any relationship (whether that’s friends, committed partners, no strings etc) is respect, honesty, consideration, and having an awareness of, and sensitivity towards, the feelings of someone else.

So if you think this woman might want more than ‘no strings’, then maybe the considerate thing would be for you to refuse. Not so much to prevent you from getting any future hassle, but to ensure that she doesn’t get hurt in the future.

Other than that, if you think she genuinely is happy with a no strings situation, and you are as well, then as long as you are both truthful and considerate, and treat each other with respect, then there isn’t any reason why not. Things like work or ‘girls don’t do no strings’ etc are generalisations, and although for some that wouldn’t be right, for others it is.

Just becasue a snapshop survey indicates that there are different views in society (often fed by a culture of soundbite media), that doesn’t mean that it can be used to say that represnts ‘democracy’ and should therefore override equality.

We have a raft of legislation that increasing makes it illegal to discriminate against a person on the grounds of gender, sexuality etc, and therefore ‘marriage’ should be freely and equally available to all that want it.

Oh, and Emsz, can I be invited to your wedding too :wink:
(BTW – glad things between you and your gf are better)

Smile … cry … dance … remember people, places, events from particular points in time

Oh, and fenred +1 :oops:

Cycling has increased, swimming going well, as are long mountain hikes and scrambles.

Unfortunately food intake has increased due to (a) biking with girl friends so cafe stops are essential; (b) meeting a rather nice chap who insists on supplying me with chocolates (well, it would be rude to refuse, wouldn’t it …)

So if the energy input continues to increase, then the energy output needs to increase too – unfortunately my legs are somewhat knackered!

Hob Nob – sorry to hear that, it’s a hard way to start the year. Good luck and fingers crossed for the interview tomorrow. Sounds as though you’ve already made a good start.

Think my smile’s just got a bit wider after getting a rather lovely message from someone :)

Virtual hugs to all of you who are having a tough time or feeling down.

Binners – chin is up, life is good :)

tobyToby – Happy Birthday! An especially happy Monday for you (as long as you don’t sick up colin the caterpillar …)

johnners – I did say ‘apparently’! And no ranting on here please :wink:

emsz – that’s tough :( Really sorry to hear that things are difficult. If you want to talk off the forum, let me know. But remember that your gf might be confused about any number of things – trying to balance work / study with a relationship; challenges related to sexuality in a predominantly straight world etc, rather than being confused about you. I know it’s probably impossible, but maybe try and just give her some space and take some time for yourself. Take care, and keep posting if you want to let some of the stress or emotion out x

CaptJon – my nose, hands and feet went blue yesterday (before they went totally numb!) – but it didn’t stop me smiling :)

Lovely ride today. Took out two girl friends who are new to cycling for an ‘easy’ road spin, which turned into a 4 hour epic over some icy mountain roads. Beautiful sunny day, stunning views, great mid-ride coffee and soup, and two very knackered but happy friends!

Plus a date this evening with a chap who I, well, kinda like … quite a lot … I have the feeling that he might think the same :) (I think this counts as a happy biking tale as he a mountainbiker / road cyclist too …)

Thanks CFH!

Oh, and last weekend I also went out with the road racing whippets on my cx bike with pannier rack … and kept up with the middle of the pack :)

Frankly, if it’s got two wheels and pedals, and you’re having fun, who cares how ‘appropriate’ your bike is?

Will do! You too hugor :)

I have a rather bling full-sus … and I ride smoother rather than rocky trails … so maybe it’s someone like me that you’re dissing?

Or maybe you’d like to re-think and consider some of your assumptions?

I got my full-sus 6 years ago, when I rode the rocky trails of Snowdonia and Scotland, went downhilling in the alps, and round the best that Colorado has to offer. But 3 years ago I injured my knee in a fell running race … since then I’ve had extensive treatment, and still see the physio at the hospital once a month. So I can’t ride rocky technical trails anymore, so should I have to sell my beloved bike to avoid offending the more judgemental of you?

Oh, and I still ride more than most folks I know … and I don’t care if I’m on a smooth flowing trail on an over-spec’d bike … I just ride ‘cos Iove it :)

Shoes for flats – any goretex lined approach / trail shoes. I use my salomon trail shoes, and the goretex liner means that I always have warm dry feet.

Other kit for women – when I was starting out, the thought of “padded undershorts” was really off-putting – felt akin to wearing a Lycra nappy. So suggest handling that one with care, and don’t mention chamois cream to her at this point – it’ll probably put her off for good 8O

As mentioned, being warm and dry can make a big difference. If she’s ambivalent about looking too ‘sporty’ or ‘bike-y”, then there are a lot of functional jackets and trainers that will be breathable and waterproof, but look more ‘normal’. Might be an idea to take her to a good high street outdoor sportswear store, and let her browse to see what she prefers.

And +1 for minxgirl :)

Weekend started this morning, didn’t it?

Friday – 55 mile road ride round Snowdonia. Perfect carfree roads, with blue skies and sunshine, stunning mountain views, and a great mid-ride cafe (Dave, was on Sharon’s old Tricross – it’s getting a fair bit of use!)

Saturday – hiking up in the wilds of the Arenig mountains (sorry, not biking)

Sunday – mountain biking all day round the Clwyds

Now wondering if I could blagg Monday morning off to sneak in another ride …

Have just opened this back thread up again, and am really touched by your all your support …

Spent this evening on the beach watching the sunset and saying my own personal goodbye to my friend. A time to cry, and remember not just him, but all those who I have cared for and loved who are no longer here.

Beautiful evening that made me think not just of loss, but also of the priveledge of being alive and able to still experience all that life has to offer. So have booked tomorrow off work, the sun will be out all weekned, and I will spend it biking and hiking with friends in the mountains of Snowdonia.

Many thanks to all of you – most of you don’t know me, but have still taken the time to offer sympathy or help. It has been said before, but it is one of the great things about this forum.

Bullheart – you mentioned cake … I’m so there! Let me know when you’re heading up this way (and don’t tell that Elfinsafety chap ‘cos he’s just trying to get his hands on my Titus …)

nickf – many thanks. Will e-mail you tonight.

Cheers all

philc – I don’t really know anything about the south Wales trail centres, but up the North wales one would all have at least one trail that would be rideable for beginners.

However, from the point of view of which would be more suitable for those that are newer to it, I’d suggest them in the following order:

Llandegla
Penmachno (but only one loop!)
Marin
Coed y Brenin

But there’s also some lovely ‘non trail centre’ riding that would let you really appreciate the scenery, landsscape and wildlife of Wales. Newborough Forest on Anglesey is great for beginners (and I suspect you might find it too easy), it’s flat, with fun bits of singeltrack, and you get to go to the beach :) Or up on Conwy mountain / across the flatter parts of the eastern Carneddi – stunning scenery and wild ponies!

have fun wherever you go!

tails / nickf: you’re right, the situation with my mother and brother is something that I can try to act on, rather than just be affected by.

In part, it has reached this ‘reality’ point, as we have finally persuaded my mother to acknowledge that she / my bother needs greater support. My mother is in her 70’s and my bother is 40, and she has been his 24 / 7 carer all his life. So in effect, being my brother’s carer IS my mother’s life, and crucially is central to her identity and sense of value.

She had a meeting yesterday with social services, who were very good, and recommended a number of options for support. This included suggesting that my brother spends one day a week at a supportive living community about 40 miles away, with the opportunity to gradually extend this. Many disabled people live there full time, and I have had a look and what they offer appears very good.

However, for my mother, this means she is now facing up to acknowledging that she won’t be caring full time for my brother forever, and this is made harder as it involves also facing up to her own mortality in the future. The trouble is, she really doesn’t want to let my brother go, and does not have anything else in her life apart from him (and feels she is too old now to start trying to find some interests of her own).

So I am very worried that she will not let my brother gradually move on, and will try to continue without any support which will be very detrimental (and high risk) to both her and my brother. But it is so sensitive, and so difficult to intervene without upsetting her. I love them both, but it is very hard to continue to let my mother ignore the situation as I also need to look out for my brother’s well-being, which is now being negatively affected as my mother gets to elderly to care for him properly.

Any advice from anyone who has gone through anything similar?

(Sorry, for the very long post …)

Thanks folks. I really appreciate your kind words and support … and it does make a difference.

Ready to face another day today, and accept that some things we have to just go through and ride with the emotions for a while. I need to be there for those for whom it is hardest – the families who have lost someone, and my mum and my brother as they both face a massive change in life with a lot of fear and emotion attached.

As for work – I’m going to go and kick a*se :)

emsz – really sorry to hear that, hope you’re feeling a bit better this morning (nothing worse than feeling down in the wee small hours). My e-mail isn’t in my profile, but if you want to get in touch you can get hold of me through people like cinnamon_girl; TJ or Elfin.