Loving work would be a stretch….

My bloods came back normal, so that was a relief.

Hoping I can get out on the bike a lot this weekend, that always does wonders in the short term for me.

CBT didn’t work for me, it went against my usual train of thought It was very difficult to stay focused on it. I guess that was the aim of it, but it was early stages for me then and I was in a great deal of denial.

I asked my wife to smuggle some coke through airport security last week by shoving it up her arse. I didn’t realise I could buy another tin in the departure lounge.

cupra, if you want any advice, get in touch if you like.

I think that is a very general summary, which in fairness is correct. For me, my core problem is how I treat myself. How I view myself to myself, in the eyes of others, and the expectations I have of myself. The comparison of my day to day life are always compared to this, thus leading to the low mood, low self asteem etc etc. It’s learning to manage and deal with that, that is the goal for me. So, I have become depressed because of this.

I’m going through an odd patch with my meds at the minute. Been on Fluoxitine 40mg since last June. Getting some unbarable sweats in the night, terrible headaches and an almost constant feeling of sickness/fullness in my stomach over the last few weeks. Now on 4 tablets a day, and had my blood and urine taken yesterday. I’m in my 6th year of meds, some have been terrible. Also finished my second bout of counselling, so I’m on my own at the minute.

Superstar hubs? I’ve been running a Switch EVO rear for a month now and no issues so far…

dmorts, It’s a 2009 Vanilla RL fork, 140mm travel. I’m running a 60mm RaceFace respond stem and 700mm 1″ riser bars.

On the medication side, I still think it’s largely placebo. I have found that being proactive with myself helps much more. Hard to explain, but going for a ride, or doing something you know you enjoy, gives instant results. However, this wasn’t always the case. I’d go for a ride, enjoy it at the time and then on the drive home have a massive downer. I’d analyse everything about the ride and be really hard on myself about it and literally fall into a massive rut of self hatred. I’m getting better at coping now, and part of that process was to not compete this year and concentrate more on just riding for the fun of it.

Currently about to end my second spell of counselling. Was ‘diagnosed’ about 6 years ago. I don’ talk about it much outside my close family and one or two friends. I still believe most people think it’s an excuse for being lazy and not bothered about making an effort.

However, I can’t begin to describe some of the emotions/feelings that I’ve gone through. There is a lot of help available, however finding what works for you is difficult. You really need to want to help yourself before you can be helped.

Not sure if this will help, possibly. I have been close to being that person wanting to end things. All I can say is this – talk. Talk some more. When I’m out of my lows it really does help to talk and grab a bit of perspective. Force yourself outside on the bike, go for a walk, emmerse yourself in normal things. It’s not your fault, not one bit. You did your very best for him and that’s all a friend would ever want.

Take care.

Just thought I would update this, as I’m not relly sure how else to talk about it.

Definitely not racing this year, for financial and personal reasons. I don’t think it would be good for me in this particular state of mind.

My bike has also been giving me trouble, and it’s a struggle to keep it maintained. Another headset shot, and the frame bearings are creaking pretty badly. There’s no play in them, so maybe I’m good for another while yet.

Have Miss Walsh delivered to my bedroom immediately for post band break up sex.

I understand not a single word that has been typed on this thread. I’d love to understand what the **** is actually going on and what all your jargon means.

On a mountain bike related one, I took some water from Joe Barnes at the 2nd round of the Irish Gravity Enduro last year. Nice fella.

Not sure how to link directly from PB….

http://www.pinkbike.com/photo/8493518/

Started life as a 2009 Meta 553, now the only thing that remains is the seat post! Frame replaced under warranty 2 years ago, and everything else has been changed/upgraded. Love how it rides, creaks, and generally handles much more than I can.

How do you make your living?: Technical sales engineer – automation products. In my 12th year now.

Are you happy doing it?: About 25% of the time at the moment.

Would you consider a change of career?: Yes

Does it pay enough for you to MTB comfortably?: Just about. I can race, keep up the maintenance, and get the odd weekend trip in.

About a year old. Storing nuts for winter.

Use wise, 2-3 week on average through-out the year at an average of about 10 miles per cycle.

Thanks for the advice.

Chris Harris on cars.

You might be the source of this problem! Hope you’re keeping well…

What a guy :D

Thanks for the extra responses. Maybe I shouldn’t race this year, but I know for sure I will think I’m missing an opportunity. And with all the Irish Enduro rounds being at least 120 miles away, it’ll be expensive this year too.

I also have this huge problem with being recognised. I feel like I need to be doing well so people can recognise me. However I’m modest and almost cringe at the thought of people praising me or mentioning me in any positive light. I just don’t understand it.

Thought I would typ some stuff down here. My self loathe has taken a huge dive over the last week. To the point where I am beginning to question if I should compete at all this year. I’m stuck in two minds about it. On one hand, I am thinking about doing better and being recognised for it, and on the other I am worried that I wont improve at all. Went out on Saturday afternoon for a spin on the road and burned out after 15 miles – though I partly blame not fuelling myself properly beforehand and during.

Belfast

As a note, my 9-speed XT chain has 9-speed powerlinks, though my HG50 8-speed chain is too wide for the 8-speed powerlinks.

I still have confidence issues with my body when I’m out on the bike; having seriously skinny pale white legs being the main issue. Get the odd joke, usually from the guys I ride with as part of the normal banter :D Just get out there and enjoy it.

Oakley Ten X’s with prescription transition lenses. Odd sensation at first, kind of fish bowl effect, but got used to them very quickly. Nice and secure on my head, brilliant in all levels of light. Only issue as with any pair of glasses/goggles, keeping them fog free.

Exactly, the people of Northern Ireland have no identity!

See what you’ve started Junkyard ;)

I currently live about 1.5 miles from the trouble, and the whole thing just does not surprise me. Once again it’s the minority, and I can see that most of the people rioting would struggle to tell me what colours are on the union flag. It’s an embarrassment.

Clapping?

Er, 1….

Have skipped most of the replies. I’m with my partner Louise for 18 months now, met through POF. Had been on a few random dates before, there are definitely a few nut jobs out there :lol:

All going well, living together, active together, she even bought an MTB last year!

Thanks Dickyboy. Checked with the LBS, said 100mm should be fine.

4.5 miles each way, generally flat, geared MTB with semi-slicks. Everyday, no matter what the weather.

Ireland Gravity Enduro series
Local spring MTB series
Ulster XC series in between the Gravity Enduro
A few sportives during the summer

Anymore videos or photos of that 757 crashing into the Pentagon?

Hi all,

Just thought I’d update this, more as a means to get a few things out of my head and onto paper/screen. It hasn’t been such a great week or so, not much cycling has been done, just to and from work. It’s not making my situation any better. I think I will inquire about some CBT training at least, they way i think about riding just isn’t right. I put myself going out on rides incase I have a bad ride, or don’t make some improvements. I am hoping to do some solo riding over the Christmas break in the hope I can get some of the simple joy of just riding my bike, back.

Cheers for reading

Col

Just logged in and it’s great to see the replies still coming through.

Well things have progressed well in the last week. Had a great ride out with friends yesterday, managing a couple of decent drops I’d not have looked at before and generally rode well. Fitness held too, I still had some left in the tank after the 3-4 hour ride. Still picked holes in my riding though and had an hour or two afterwards were I was down in the dumps. I need to work harder on what happens after my rides.

I hope this thread is also becoming useful for other users.