suicide is selfish

when you are thinking rationally!

Depression comes and goes – one minute OK, then black-dog day, or a week. Some of the most outwardly strong and cheerful people harbour deep psychological scars.

Agreed, but I never saw him in a dark mood in 25 years.

I think the concealment the deep psycological scars of his childhood had a great deal to do with what happened however.

As one poster commented earlier on, the surviving loved one’s and family are left with many unanswered questions. Much angst!!!

[list]Depressed person

Partner: I’m having an affair, divorcing you and I want the house and everything
Person: Yeah that seems reasonable, I’m such a worthless POS anyway. Take the house, you deserve it more than I do. Glad you finally saw sense and went with someone else etc etc etc.

Thought provoking stuff and this has made me think I may have got my take on our situation slightly wrong.

Namely: not just depressed people kill themselves under such circumstances! What about people with very low self-esteem who were otherwise reasonably happy up until the bombshell was dropped? What about people who are dependent on their partner in many ways? E.G. They don’t earn a good enough wage to support themselves, or they’ve delegated the running of the household to their partner, or they are semi-literate, poorly qualified etc. All of a sudden they are faced with a nasty expensive protracted divorce and don’t have a clue how they will tackle this. Then there is the fear of how they will get on with life afterwards.

All that needs to happen is a relatively short of period of extreme anxiety to send someone over the edge. I regard depression as an illness which is an enduring condition – a slow burn of dark misery that sucks the energy out of you over a long period of time.

My brother in law was not depressed, he was a happy in his job and worked hard, both on his house and in work. He had a happy positive disposition, despite the ugly experiences when he was young. He was a fitness fanatic and was out on his bike at every opportunity and they do say exercise is a great way to lift your spirits. He’d just spent a couple of grand on a carbon framed road bike before this crisis kicked off. Depressed people don’t have so much energy and I don’t remember him ever loafing about, he was always doing something.

The thing which I think sent him over the edge was the humiliation and shock of discovering the deception, the sickening thoughts that some other guy was sharing intimacy and passion with the love of HIS life and the subsequent brutality of the was my sister treated him over the break up. The shock of finding out the woman he’d loved all his adult life had secretly found a passion and love for someone else. I can hardly bear to think my only surviving sibling would do what she did to that guy – he was a genuinely top bloke!

Of course, a chroncially depressed person suddenly experiencing an intense period of aniety like this would probably have done the same thing.

Get one of those galdiator padded helmets so he doesn’t do himself a nasty.

Some of you really need to work on your compassion/understanding

Hear hear.

+1!

What makes people so horrid?

I think a lot of people are terrified of mental illness. This seriously compounds the problems for those who aren’t well!

People are quick to judge those who are unwell, but basically, they don’t want anything to do with this illness because they feel vulnerable to becoming depressed themselves. We all have our own demons, so people don’t like going there!

There are plenty of people on disability benefits/off work due to being diagnosed with anxiety and depression who aren’t really that unwell, but see it a good way of getting some paid “me time”. Like those who used to have imaginary bad backs. Shame on that small minority because it tars those who are genuinely ill as skiving layabouts!

For those who are trully depressed it’s an isolated “slow burn” living hell and due to the fear people have of those who feel like this, these people are on their own. Even family members struggle to find the energy to care for those who are suffering.

In January this year, my brother-in-law hanged himself after my sister announced she was having an affair and was leaving him. He was a thoroughly decent hardworking guy who never put a foot wrong in our eyes in the 25 years we knew him.

We were pretty dismayed at my sister for even contemplating an affair, but what was especially alarming was the brutal manner in which she ended the relationship. I shan’t bore you with the details, but it was ugly!

The day before he died, he spent 3 hours with my wife and i, telling us where he thought he’d gone wrong. He was wrong on most of his concerns, but didn’t want to hear our take on things, he just wanted to tell us his piece.

He did not have a bad word to say about my sister throughout the two week bust up and defended her at every stage. He said he still loved her, that she was the only one for him and that he would “go” if she didn’t want to try and work with him to fix things. He wanted her to live alone in their house and he was going to move back to his mum’s while they tried to work things through. She declined.

He said he’d leave the house which they had worked so hard to buy and refurbish and everything else he had. We didn’t realise what he was saying by the word “go” until two days later when my sister found him hanging in their newly built garage.

He wrote several notes to various people and my sister had one read out at the funeral. From all of these, whilst he was clearly not in his right mind, he seemed to think he was doing everyone a favour. It seemed like his suicide was an unselfish act.

We learned after his death that he had self-confidence issues which began with some very unhappy things that happened to him when he was a small child. It was all centred around the break up of his parent’s marriage and basically, his mum totally rejected him for two years. His mother then had him back, but then he was used as a bargaining chip. The effects of this unjust treatment were to last him the rest of his life.

We just had no idea because he was such a decent happy go lucky sort of guy, so my advice to those who want to call suicide victims out as being selfish, is to go away and do some research.

We have suffered greatly since he died, but I don’t think he really understood how much impact his death would have on everyone. I’ve done the whole spectrum of emotions over it, but still believe he had lost all capacity to be rational.

My advice to anyone contemplating suicide is to hold off, things will get better. I believe it is the enduring nature of depression and the overiding desolation that pushes rational thought out the window. He just needed to escape and thought this would solve everyone’s problems.

We live in a hardass society and showing a little compassion to others goes a long way to making people feel a bit better about themselves. This even applies to those who don’t appear to be unhappy! You can’t see people’s inner turmoil as they wear a mask, or simple don’t display emotion. E.G. This week at work, when we were all going through a tough time, i was acused of being laid back and not bothered. The reality was that i was feeling very anxious. So my advice is never judge a book by it’s cover!

Random acts of kindness could save a life! At the very least you will brighten someone’s day.

i’ll put the kettle on but it’s stictlty cocoa, we’re losing an hours sleep you know.

But they got an extra hour’s pay for nowt!

ernie_lynch – Member

I think it’s marvellous how here in Britain at the first sign of trouble the police put the kettle on.

There’s nothing better than sorting out what’s what over a nice cup of tea.

C’mon ernie, i’m pandering to your left wing tendencies. Is this the best you can do?

Would it be harsh to say that all of the actors in the new BBC series: White Van Man?

In reality they are struggling actors who’ll take any work that comes their way, duff script or not!

In truth, the crass White Van Man script is a product of an extremely marrowminded discriminatory twunt who was considered by someone in the BBC to be a creative talent!

It really pisses me off to think we all pay good money for such banality!

WTF is a 1″ parallel threaded manifold valve?

1″ fittings that i’ve come across are compression fittings.

You’ll either need a short length of 1″ copper tubing (try ebay), or a set of 1″ to 22mm reducing rings.

Bosch built in – 14 years old almost.

Quiet and reliable.

I read about peak oil a while ago, but not sure if it factored in the burgeoning demand of the developing world.

It won’t be running out anytime soon, but we will get fleeced.

If you think about it, green taxes are just an additional tax for non-environmentally friendly causes.

A fine example of a worthy place of worship…..

A few things, but by no means everything:

Pros – lower taxes, able to claim a lot of expenses to further mitigate tax liability.

Cons – lots more paperwork, a monthly pay cheque is not a given – you make all your own income. No holiday pay or sick pay and going sick is never an option.

If it all goes tits up, you won’t be eligible for contributory jobseelers allowance.

+1 for Keen Newort, but they also do a flipflop style design, albeit rather expensive.

Superb fit – very comfortable.

Seeing as very few people actually make anything these days, suppliers are thin on the ground and it’s become quite difficult sourcing things like this.

War is big business for sure, but it’s governments who spend the money, your money. As the government ran out years ago and have been borrowing like mad, it’s your debt they are running up!

How is a war actually going to help our economy?

I used to work for a major British military hardware manufacturer in the 80’s. The business was eventually sold to a German company and the factory I worked in closed, production was shifted to the Far East and the old site became a housing estate.

Another major British owned company and a massive regional employer was later sold off. The new owner, an American company, then broke it up. The old sites are now a retail and business parks. One or two bits remain under the new American company.

If a war means increased sales of military hardware, our economy won’t benefit a great deal, but our tax burden will certainly increase significantly!

While it seems inhumane to stand by and watch innocent civilians being maimed and killed by their own military, this is not our business. We didn’t butt in on numerous other genocides, so why this one? I’d say it’s got a lot to do with the west’s interest in oil, but not just Libya, all of the Middle East.

Libya does not produce a very large percentage of the Middle East’s oil, but i think the West sees Gadaffi as a legitimate target to make an example of because he’s a despot with a long track record. Getting rid of him would be a big plus and the American voters would love it. They haven’t forgotten Lockerbie!

The underlying issue is the West’s anxiety about the widespread burgeoning instability in the Middle East, so it feels it needs to assert it’s authority.

By kicking “seven bell’s” out of Gadaffi and Libya, it sends a message to the rest of the arab world about who’s boss. As Libyan oil is not significant in the grand scheme of things, this makes the new conflict not too much of a direct risk to the health Western economies while still achieving the objective!

I can fully understand why the action is taking place, but it’s not the innocent victims of the Gadaffi regime our western leaders are worried about, but I am sure that a few American military hardware suppliers will be rubbing their hands together.

Back in the 80’s when I was a single man with a great job up in the city, I was on my way back to our office. I was walking up the steps out of a tube station with a colleague. It was at the end of the working day and as we climbed the steps, all I could see were a really perfect pair of pins on a young woman. Gorgeous! As we neared the top of the steps we copped a full view of this stunner. She smiled at me and asked in her Anerican accent if there were any good places to go drinking nearby. Not realising the opportunity and being a bit shell shocked by her sheer beauty, I dutifully gave her a few tips and then she went on her way. I was then thinking what a twxt i’d been for not offering to go with her. Oh the naivety of youth! 😆

It’s a shame that reggae never went properly mainstream in the 70’s.

I think the big stations like R1 were a bit reluctant to put out this style of music. DOn’t know why, but I suppose they were not too sure that people would like it, but then these broadcasters have never been trail blazers in new/alternative music.

Tribute to The Martyrs – Steel Pulse

Barrington Levy – Best of… Broader Than Broadway

Forces of Victory – Linton Kwesi Johnson (Love the dub!!)

IOW Festival starting June 9th. 🙂

Child #2 will have less of an impact than child #2.

You will have forgotten the small baby routines, but when you find yourself doing all of this again, it will all slip into place and as you are experienced in small baby care, it won’t be a big big shock like the first time.

I’d say the first 5 years is the most demanding time, but as soon as they are at school, life gets easier.

Start saving hard for their universtity fees and to get them set up with a deposit for their first house.

He’s a lucky old perv!

It’s not often I find myself concurring with Tandem Jeremy (albeit for different reasons). 😆

We have no business interfering with this civil conflict!

I guess it might be something to do with BP’s oil deal that Blair and Brown instigated, or that the government are thinking about the potential for new arms sales (world conflicts are big business, peace doesn’t sell military hardware!).

We tax payers are getting caned by the revenue for all manner of the expensive inefficient schemes which successive governments have committed us to, wasting our money.

Considering the a massive and still burgeoning public debt, we should be butting the **** out of things like this!

The arab world resents our intrusion, we can add no stability to these regions as we don’t understand their medieval ways which are dictated to by an overbearing religion! Fairness, democracy and equality are incompatible with the core values of Islam!

Once again, the governmnents of the west are foisting their soft liberal idealism onto a culture that rejects political correctness and pretty much everything western culture stands for.

All that will result is a lot of innocent lives wasted, families’ lives torn apart, our reputation on the world stage further damaged and a huge amount of money wasted.

A more Japanese perspective….(TV channel in English)
http://www3.nhk.or.jp/nhkworld/r/movie/tp:/

Yeah, coz they have been doing quite a bit of urban cruising in Japan lately!

You might well have been in a squall which is actually very common!

Or perhaps you were in a valley where airflow is easily disturbed under certain weather conditions.

Squalls occur on a passing cold front where cumulonimbus clouds form. The cold air moving downwards inside these clouds can travel at speeds of up to 200mph. Rain, sleet, or hail stones are likely and thunder and lightning is possible in warmer months (caused by the friction of warm air rising quickly against the cold air descending). The wind direction will be highly variable and completely unpredictable.

(as per my notes given this week by my RYA instructor who has some 40 years experience)

Tell them they will have to rectify their mistakes if they want to be paid at all.

Get them to do the work, then pay them the sum as on the original estimate and enclose a letter saying that this is all you are going to pay.

If they call to contest it, tell them you will see them in court.

I bet they won’t bother as you will have paid what they quited you.

For future reference, when selecting tradesmen for a job, get the winning bidder to provide you with a pro forma that is to the same value as the estimate.

Alternatively, save yourself a shed load of hassle and money and do it yourself!

To me, putting the dog down without giving the situation due diligence is pretty shocking!

Dog ownership is a big responsibility and this action seems like a cop out to me!

I would always put humans way above animals in terms of value of life etc, but if a dog behaved like this, i would have first got a muzzle, then seen a vet.

I guess it’s not crystal clear what has hapened here because the OP omitted vital detail at the outset. This is just a web forum and I can’t believe anyone would take too notice of what is written here. For all we know the OP could have been trolling!

If it’s not a wind up, the OP should not consider owning another dog!

I’d look at the motorized valve for the central heating if you say you’re getting hot water on demand, but no heating.

The motors inside the valves eventually burn out as they are designed to jam when the valve is open. The motor drives against a spring which will automatically close the valve when the motor is de-energized. Not a very sophisticated solution, but it works! These motors cost about £7-10 and are easily changed if you have a bit of heatshrink sleeving, solder and an iron.

There are different ways central heating is configured and wired up and the set up I have is called an “S-Plan”. With a combi, circulators and valves are often built into the boiler casing. Your boiler manual and Google will enlighten you as to what you have got. If you haven’t got the manual, see if you can get it from the manufacturer’s website.

What happens in many systems is the programmer switches on the hot circuit and all this does is energize the motor in the valve.

When the valve is open, a micro switch inside the valve casing is made, closing a circuit that runs back to the controller circuit board in the boiler. This in turn starts the circulator (central heating pump) and it also “calls” the boiler into action. Soon after your rads should get warm.

If you locate the valve body, there will be a small overide lever which you can actuate. The lever may be a little stiff, but when drawn across to the open position, this should enable the central heating to kick in. It will stay on permanently until you release it, thus rendering the programmer redundant.

So that’s where i’d start. Good luck and let us know what the actual problem is/was.

Will the back-up be in the same room as the good copy. Seems a bit pointless ? You are covered for failure of the box OR drives (not both), but what about fire, flood etc ?

The point is that you are creating a backup of files from PC’s which will also have RAID protection on the NAS drive. Data loss is therefore mitigated, but you also have the convenience of sharing data to streaming devces with no overhead to any of your PC’s and this is the only storage device that needs to be left switched on. I use mine for music storage and streaming. Works a treat!

If you want resilience to fire and flood, One solution would be to get two bare Netgear ReadyNas Duo chassis and put one disc in each. They can then be configured to mirror copy data over the LAN.

To get round the fire/flood issues, i guess one unit would have to be in an outbuilding away from the house and elevated above flood height.

None of this is actually necessary because the Netgear has a USB port and auto backup facility. In practice, you would regularly plug in your backup external drive (of the same capacity as the one in your NAS and hit the backup button. When finished, you take this external drive and store it somewhere safe from fire and flood.

It’s all about weighing up the risks and the value of your data. For most, a twin spindle NAS drive in one location is more than adequate data protection. A “belts and braces” approach is to have total resilience, so you might consider cloud storage hosts. I’m a bit nervous about the security of cloud storage though.

Whatever you buy, get a NAS which can quiesce the hard drives when the system is inactive and whcih has a quiet fan. The ReadyNas Duo can, but also has the ability to be shut down and powered up at user specific times. Remote powerdown is also an option. Mine has worked a treat from new (3 yrs old now).

interesting
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/jun/13/history-of-the-british-beer-glass

Really?

Pah! Wretched Guardian readers ranting again! Tsk Tsk.. 😆

I supposes some tree hugging Guardian reader is going to come along and disagree. They will probably blame Margaret Thatcher – their default scapegoat! 😆

There should be no loss of your no claims discount as the liability for the pothole rests with the council.

However, I hear some councils are trying to wriggle out of their responsibility if they were unaware of the problem pothole prior to the accident, but I think that’s a bit of a cop out. Big holes don’t appear overnight and the onus for frequently surveying the roads rests with them, not the general public.

We have craters which have grown to as big as 3 ft long and ten inches deep here. It doesn’t take long for these to open up, but it would be whole lot cheaper and safer if they filled them in sooner!

The imposition of a fly zone over amother country means you are seeking to control that country. A subtle way of saying you are going to invade.

Should we be getting involved with Libya?

The Middle East is going to be an even more brutal place to live in the coming years.

Culturally, they tell us we don’t understand them, but there’s 20% unemployment and half the 50 million population of Lybia is under 18. One could argue that the culture is the problem!

In the West, the overwhelming majority don’t replicate so frequently. We simply can’t afford too many children. Western population is in decline.

Pan over to developing countries, due to fears of high mortality rates in youngsters and the cultural behavior of having as many babies as you can to secure your wellbeing in old age, in Libya you end up with most of the 10 million unemployed rioting on the streets.

Dictatorship regimes rule in the Middle East. How many of the 21 coutries have democracy? Name one Arab country other than Egypt? Gadaffi is a tyrant who is happy to kncok people off if he feels they are dissenting in any way. People are intimidated by him, but deep down want him gone.
Western democracy is far from perfect, but at least the leaders have a little bit of accountability to the people.

Religion is a big issue there too and this is a whole subject in itself.

Personally, I think we should butt out and not get involved in anymore conflicts in the Middle East. All Britain is doing is wasting money it doesn’t have and storing up trouble for us normal people further down the line. With people like Tony Blair being involved, we no longer have any moral credibility in these regions (if we ever did have any).

It’s the oil that is the problem and dictators like Gadaffi aren’t known for sharing the wealth. Even though Libya only produce a small percentage of total output, the western world’s dependency on oil gives us a strong motivation to remain involved

With all that black gold spilling out of the ground, imagine what the Arab World would be like if they had a more modern outlook on how to build an economy.

Those old Vitesses are lovely. 2L straight 6 wasn’t it?

The Herald was a lovely car. Can’t remember if they all came with removable hard top.

Nice wooden dash and the mechanicals made purposeful noises as you drove along.

My personal favourite was the early MG Midget.

Lotus Elan’s were great, but too expensive. Most ended up in Japan where they had/have a cult following amongst the rich Japanese car buffs. There was a firm near Snetterton that used to rebuild Elan’s to concours condition, using a tubular chassis and numerous other upgrades. The cars came out of there better than new!

Before you start your business and spend time and money, talk to your local environmental health officer to see what you need to do to become compliant with current hygiene regulations. You don’t want to get caught out for some breach of their rules and get fined. Worse still, you don’t want to poison anyone!

Conduct a few surveys on a cross section of your target customers to find out what they want and how much they would be prepared to pay. There are so many startups that fail because individulas indulge their passion, not their potential customers’!

Business plan?