There seems to be some sort of neanderthal mentality that ingratiates itself into roadie group rides. Met about 20 of them one sunny day while I circulated a roundabout. I had intended to take the third turning off, but as the f****s streamed into the roundabout without even slowing, I had to a quick rethink and do another full circuit, as the alternative would have had lycra all over my bonnet.

We are not even talking about a big old roundabout, just a small 20m across unit with no vegetation on it.

Collective intelligence drops to an IQ that can be plotted in single digits. Surprising, considering the amount of cash these boys throw at their bikes, they are, I am pretty sure, reasonable, intelligent and gregarious away from the “pack”. So if you are “one of them” – stop it!!!

47 years old, don’t smoke, hardly drink (never enough time), cycle to work, hill-walk when I can, physical part time job (student!) – right that’s the background.

Blood pressure is spot on, heart rate is about 44 (resting), weight is spot on at 70kg and bloods just came back today, – No diabetes and no cholesterol.

So that’s it for the MOT, its all good. But I would never have checked without this thread, and its nice to know that my saintly lifestyle is paying off, cheers my man!

Muriel was good, but Sorley Maclean!, well if you have any Gaelic blood in you at all the man was a genius. His accent and translations were a reminder of summer holidays on North Harris staying at my grandparents

I spent £1000 on a hardtail. Paid it up in 12 months, and now I have “options”
I can hand it back (you are joking)
I can pay £70 hold onto it for three years with nothing else to pay
I can start another scheme right away

Now for me cycle scheme is fine if you want the latest and greatest with a bit of cash off. But if you go to your LBS, they will almost certainly be able to sort you out with a cracking last years model, for a third off and on a 0% finance as well. That way you miss out on all the cycle scheme crap, which is really not suitable for purpose any more.
In my humble(very) opinion.

I run a cheapo single-speed conversion for commuting, and have done for the last four years. Changed the rings and chain two and half years ago, and other than clean it weekly in the winter, I never touch it. Must have at least 2500km’s on it with plenty life left.
However, I use mudguards which helps keep the worst of the winter crap off, and it almost never rains during my short blasts to work, and the bike is under cover all the time at work. All that stuff must reduce wear as well

Went from Inverness to Bristol for a Fiat Doblo. £1000 cheaper than waaaay up north, and better quality. Cost of bus (Inverness to Edinburgh) and plane ticket (from Edinburgh to Bristol)was £60, and fuel on the way up cost me £65. Been burnt too often to rely on warranties, cos frankly they are not worth the paper they are expensively written on.
I make a VERY thorough checklist, read all the bad stuff that happens to your prospective car and then hunt for it. Take your time, road test the car and you should be fine.

Take the pedals off, and let him push the bike around on a path/road whatever. I’ve seen kids with no cycling ability at all pick it up pretty quickly this way.

I am pretty sure I can read, and am fairly adept at reading “complicated” instructions. I think you missed my point entirely though.

Which was this – Buy your bike over one year at £xxx, then its yours.

Novel idea I know, but if you trot along to your local LBS, their 0% deals do the same thing for diddly hassle and without a long winded explanation on “terms”

Golspie the other day with a mate who hadn’t ridden it before. Chucked it down for most of the day, but we had a great laff. Big sticky rubber meant the old girl never got out of hand, and I nearly cleaned lactic ladder (one dab). Got some air, watched my mate do the funky chicken off the second to last tabletop – knew it was going to happen before he did. In fact I thought if I shouted he was going in too fast he will eat dirt, so left it to him and the recovery was very stylish.
Great wee coffee shop at the bottom too – £4.95 for an all day breakfast, whats not to like.

I still work for the largest food retailer as a warehouseman. Got sick of the job as manager and went back to Uni, and am about to graduate in Environmental science. Have a job lined up as an environmental consultant with a firm I did 6 weeks of “internship” for. 5 mins from home, and great guys to work for – whats not to like.
You are right about the restructuring too, with the team leads getting the boot, I’m guessing that they are going to target line managers next. So thank ***** I’m getting out.

Work for free – why not. One of the best bits was being able to get to know the locals a bit better, rather than fly through the “sights”, get some nice pics and go home. We live in a global community, why not contribute to it in a different manner.
OK, so you have to approach it with a different mindset than you would sitting on the beach/riding/drinking beer or whatever, but its not all about getting a sweat up and busting your wotsits for however long.
Plus your skills may be just what a local group need to get off the ground successfully, or expand them into areas they have never even thought of.
I’m no ti-dyed, long haired tree hugger type (nothing wrong with that BTW, before the anti-troll brigade kick in). I was however just lucky enough to have some really nice hols in some pretty exotic places, until we decided that they were pretty unfulfilled experiences, and gave volunteering a go. We have never looked back.

Not for everyone though, some of the stuff you get involved with is pretty horrendous, so you need to do your research before you go.

Volunteer with an agency in South Africa. You’ll have a great time as a family mon-fri, and it will be hugely rewarding. Sat-sun, take your pick, go to game reserves, climb in the Drakensberg mountains, (try the amphitheatre back packers for great value family accommodation) scuba diving and some of the best cycle (long distance) racing in the world.
Look at the iMfolozi MTB Challenge, http://www.wildseries.co.za/imfolozi-mtb-challenge/, just for starters.
You can rent quads from Underberg and drive up Sani pass into Lesotho, or go via Landy if thats your thing.
Bit steeper to get there, but cheap as chips at the mo once you get there.

Art and Bush the Prez – Hmmmmm.
Its still not April 1st is it.

Not quite the same, but had the desired effect you might like to try next time.
Driver turns up with a delivery (we both work for the same company) and decides he is not going to help me reload the lorry with goods for return as that is not his job. My reply was – So hey dude, I’m afraid to tell you we both work for the same boss and you WILL get your lazy fat a***e of that *****g lorry and do what you are supposed to do.
Needless to say a shouty match ensued (I got my way) and he moaned about me back at distribution to anyone who would listen (apparently).
Now the guy was a **** (he knows this cos I told him so – and his colleges also concur btw), but the best bit was it drove him nuts for days afterwards – haven’t seen the big bairn since – result!!!!
Dont get mad or frustrated – get even I say

Show him yer muscles/six pack. That’ll scare the crap out of him (its always a him)

Off to ride Golspie tomoro- just going to pretend the world is a great place to live and no problems. 2.4 up front and the fattest tyre I can get in the rear of me hardtail. The only thing I’m worried about is not pinch flatting.
Global warming – pah, I’m gonna add to it by puffing my way to the top like a 40 a day man.

Sod the books. Get a years worth of OS mapping for £17.95 at http://www.getamap.ordnancesurveyleisure.co.uk/

Hunt down all the nifty routes on singletrackworld, and sort out your own maps

Cant afford a dropper, so I stop, drop and take in the view. Cheaper, allows me to adjust my full face and body armour for the knarly descent and being nearly 50, I need to get my breath back having burned off the whippersnappers on the way up.
Seat up, with the hills we have up our way is just plain daft anyway.

47 years old, and no health issues at all. I cycle, walk and have a job that keeps me on the go physically. No history in our family, but off to the docs next week anyway.
Just too many of my age group copping it, so fingers crossed its all good. Cheers, for the thread.

Takes a bit of cojones to start this thread in this day and age of PC everything. Frankly religious schools should all get the boot, and stop indoctrinating kids with the preferred brand of zealotry.
While we like to moan about Islamic fundamentalism (much of it funded by our dear friends the Saudis through the cult of Wahhabism), the good old USA do a pretty good job at their own brand of extremist christian idolatry.
We need to get a grip on what is acceptable – the Germans don’t allow nazi ideology in any form and it is ruthlessly dealt with – so why do we put up with the human rights of basically Islamic fascists.

The news barely covers it all. Read an IPCC report on climate change and that might start you thinking, rather than sticking your head in the sand and moaning about the crap coverage out there.
Mankind is it seems hell bent on destruction, and a look into history will show you societal collapse in every corner of the world. Now we have the means to achieve it globally – what a result.
Options are out there, such as carbon emission reduction (use you car less and your bike more), source local foods, not Tesco sprouts from Easter island and buy singletrack mag as an E-edition and not the paper kind. There you go! climate change sorted.

I have been riding for 25 years, and have yet to meet a biker who didn’t make a fool of himself at some stage. Car drivers are absolutely no different either. Now I’m not defending him, as his riding clearly left a fair bit to be desired, but I’m also pretty sure I saw a young lad who was smart enough to know he had royally messed up, and was attempting to warn others away from the same mistake.
Unfortunately, I now don’t ride with other bikers, unless I know they are not going to ride like a ****. Highland roads are virtually empty which usually encourages somewhat excessive speeds, and like similar areas the death toll rockets here in the summer.
Im guessing that the police aren’t investigating this video, more a case of yes we know about it, he has been “dealt with” and next!!!

Single speeds – riders are a little bit “different”. They will have beards, tattoos, perhaps even have some facial jewellery. They wear baggy loose clothing and will be seen at post-event village halls smoking “doobies” and drinking niche beers such as Aldermans old fart.

Cross- country racers – skinny, lycra wearing (quite often Rapha or Colnago outfits) clean shaven and wear mitts instaed of proper cycling gloves. Bikes will deffo have bar ends. Like to eat a lot of pasta, and swear a lot when you slow them down as they aim to take 10th place.
Oh aye! – they dont drink beer, smoke doobies or fart in public – and never approach before a race, as thay can be quite intense

Does that help?

Scotland – well at least the lumpy bits anyway

Certainly did get me moneys worth, the trails at Drumlanrig were fantastic and now and again I dont mind pay per ride. But if you guide a carload of bikers through the main gate and charge me to ride the swings as well you are taking the p**s.
I didn’t go to look at Hostas, Escallonia and Tulips, so why charge me(us) for the privilege.
Just a thought – how much to park in your local town centre – bet there would be uproar from traders if the council stuck us for a £24 charge daily

£20 is cheap. TWO summers ago it cost us £24 to cycle at Drumlanrig castle in the borders. 4 blokes in one car @ £6 each is taking the p**s. Why not a tenner for the carload? – wont be going back – ever!
Torridon – free
Skye – free!
Circuit of Beinn Sgritheall – free

So thanks to the Dukedom of Buccleuch I wilnae be goin back.

I have a frame and lefty hanging i the shed (inc wheels and stems – definitively not standard bits). She is a med and fits me fine at 5’10’. They are a great trail bike and have a really rather nice suspension action.
However there are some caveats. I have the 140 lefty which I love, but is ONLY a summer fork as they all leak like a sieve and fill up with crap in the winter. The upside is that it is easy to service once you know how, and I can now strip and rebuild mine in a couple of hrs.
The shock is a manitou and is now really hard if not impossible to get serviced. The fox shock (some bikes come with these)on the other hand is infinitely repairable which is why even second hand ones go for silly money.
In summary, a great bike, very weird and a bit marmite (I love mine).
If you get one, make sure it has the fox shock tho, otherwise, walk away.

Used to wear a FF all the time cos I smashed my face in a few times after taking “liberties” with my somewhat limited skill set. So now I just ride slower, smoother (arguably) and don’t have to worry about turning up to work and explaining to the boss that I have NOT been in a scrap.
And to all the poor sods sitting there with busted wot-sits, don’t worry it’ll heal (I know this cos I done it), and the bonus is that you are now a legend and the story will live forever.

So you park your $50 million supership in Monaco, hop onto the pier with you bicycle and ride into the sunset. Wot crap. My chauffeur would deliver my Lambo to the gangplank and I would screech away in a cloud of Pirelli P7’s.
Pretty ugly as well, I thought they were electric cycles

Clarkson is clearly not a cyclist. Saddle too low, and foot position all wrong.
May on the other hand is covering the brakes nicely on the right as he is a motorbicylist, however his left hand is obviously suffering from seventies clutch fever where you need both hands to wind the d**mn thing in.
Hammond I cant comment on, because as usual he is hidden behind the two fat blokes.
None appear to be giving any indications to other road users of intended position, and have poor road awareness due to no visible “lifesavers” in evidence.
Clarkson also forgot to remove the tags which could cause a distraction and danger of death (hopefully).
All in all, a very poor showing, I would fail the lot of them during a bikeability test for 12 year olds

Loved the wee front end tap of the rock about half way through. Very slick

Both are crap. I’ve tried everything, and after a winter of rain and wind and more rain the finish lasts about three months and then thats it. Solutions – dont put in decking (although mine has been in for about 10 years and is still standing). I paint it every year though, so it must help.
Dont put in decking though – did I say that already?

Start small and work your way up to the big stuff. Bikes can (and will) kill you in a heartbeat. Ive been riding for nearly 30 years and had two accidents that were utterly my fault, and the first was within the first month of biking.
If you like the thrill of danger, look elsewhere, as you will discover that most car drivers are myopic and that desire to go fast will be curtailed soon enough by some 85 year old posh bird pulling out in front of you in her VW golf.
If you do go for it, and I highly recommend biking as a way of making you a far more responsible adult (I think!) and definitely a more accomplished driver – and considerate.
Just remember, there are old bikers and there are bold bikers, but there are no, old, bold bikers.
Read MCN this week, there is a great article on a lad from the sixties and seventies who raised hell on and off the road – ask yourself this once you have read the article – why is HE still alive!

Topgear!, Fraid thats it for me – off to the skyplus void you go – ta ta!!

Estimations for total costs are around 5 billion

Alexei Navalny’s new website claims Russia spent £30bn to deliver the Sochi Olympics,making them the most expensive Olympics ever. I have even seen quotes up to £60 billion, but whatever the cost, who cares – the winter Olympics just does nothing for me, and apparently it seems the media dont really care either. Try finding a reference to events in the tabloids, with even the broadsheets not making much more of an effort.

My folks took in a lodger when I was but a youngster in the late 70’s. The chap in question was a lovely bloke, but drank to excess it has to be said. Why? – well the poor old boy was part of the 113th Light Anti-Aircraft Regiment, The Royal Artillery – this is what they wrote in Bergen-Belsen..
10,000 UNBURIED DEAD WERE FOUND HERE.
ANOTHER 13,000 HAVE SINCE DIED.
ALL OF THEM VICTIMS OF THE
GERMAN NEW ORDER IN EUROPE.
AND AN EXAMPLE OF NAZI KULTUR.”

Now he never spoke of it, and would walk out of the room if there was a war film on. I never got to grips with it until I saw a dramatised documentary a couple of years ago. I did know how bad things were for the Jews, having read fairly extensively about it, but knowing what the old chap had seen is a different matter – truly horrific.

she put the word pussy into her search criteria

Reminds me of the time I watched “dawn to dusk”. Me mother in law is deaf, so when the subtitles came up “black pussy,red pussy etc” she goes – “pussy,pussy,pussy” whats he on about then? – Nearly choked in my tea when the wife explained it wasn’t the four legged kind.

Did you manage to fix it?
Just used BluTac on ours – works a treat.

Nope, its hanging there waiting for me to be bothered to do something about it.
Blutack you say eh!!!

Pretty boring really, wheres all the words. Poor roads, bad weather, endless hills, nowhere to get a shower or a cup of coffee, and worst of all no malls.
I mean whats a man to do. Really everyone, dont go there you’ll hate it.

I think I must be a bit weird then. The motorcycle I have is a GSXF 750 FW in bright yellow and black (the 600 colours). Picked this for the same reason I picked the car. Cheap to service, comfy, underrated and no-one wants them.
Thing is though, it will still do 150 (allegedly), is lighter than some behemoth BMW and takes two in comfort (relatively) to France and back.