Yep she’s reading it, so is her boyfriend, I played the long game and caught her.

She is cheating on me, using my problem as an excuse to get out and I have the proof.

Mods please feel free to lock this now.

Nah she knows I’m not happy this morning, I’m trying to calm down by the time I see her, but there are a couple of questions that need to be answered, people are getting involved in this that really shouldn’t and I don’t understand why.

But that really isn’t the root of my angst, I need to calm down.

Damn, lots of work stress and angst this morning as a direct result of some piss poor planning on Friday thanks to the bombshell that was dropped on me, I really all pent up with frustration, all of a sudden I feel there are loads of unanswered questions I want to shout at my wife, this is probably not a good state of mind as I will se her on work related issues today.

Oh and just so you all know, she is reading the thread.

Thanks Druid a little far from me though, it’s either MTFU or fall to pieces I guess.

Well I have nothing of note to add, but in all the years of STW, and GoFar before it, I have never seen such unity & a culmination of good will toward the OP,

It is quite overwhelming, thanks to all for your support it has been fantastic, I still have a long road to travel though.

Well something happened tonight re the suspicion of her having an affair, I won’t go into details as it doesn’t put either of us in a good light, nothing to worry about though.

Roses lime juice and soda tonight, sober night number 3.

Still eating crap though.

She is aware of that, the only legal issue is the property, we will work out access etc between us.

where you can be there for your kid at certain times and not be called out with work (who would mind her if you were called out in the middle of the night?)

I don’t get called out as such, it’s all telephone based I can do it from the comfort of my bed!

Well I left the office to go and see my daughter as I new she would be with my wife at home and she was, which was lovely I had a chat with my wife and we spoke about the email, I suddenly realised that I was starting to badger her again so backed off, she is still bringing so much up form the past and adding it to our current problems and insisted she is never coming back, so there and then I let her go, although I said there was still a glimmer we could get back together inside me, but if she insists it’s over then for the sake of my Daughter I have to go with her decision.

The papers are being drawn up and I believe her, she isn’t saber rattling, in all honesty I don’t think me being sober will even change her mind, if it does then great, but most importantly I’m going to be sober for my daughter anyway and my wife has promised me that as long as I sober up then access within reason will be unlimited.

We have now talked about the equity in the house etc, so it’s moving on not in the direction I wanted but it’s got to move on for everyone’s sanity, I actually started to feel quite upbeat maybe it has clicked in my head that it’s over, maybe deep down all I was mourning was the loss of my child and full time fatherhood, while this is true as long as I don’t drop off the wagon, I will still see a lot of her, maybe, just maybe I don’t love my wife as much as I thought I did, it’s all very confusing.

I expect my mood to come crashing down again soon, I will add there is a lot more to the circumstances with my wife that I can’t divulge as it will give away who I am, needless to say it is far from straightforward but could work out for the best.

God I feel drained after typing all that.

Starting to struggle a bit now, I thought being at work would be a distraction, I feel a bit like I’m in a goldfish bowl and i really don’t feel like speaking to anyone.

I can’t get my wife and daughter out of my thoughts.

I agree. I think it was Bwaaaaaaarp who said that stopping the drinking was addessing the symptoms but not the cause (or something like that). Stopping the drinking was essential and hopefully it will give you the space to take a considered look at what you do, why you do it and why you do it in the way that you do it.

I’m hoping the counseling (should it be prescribed) will help with that.

What is it you do that means you have such demanding clients?

I’d rather not say, anonymity and all that, work is manageable I just need to manage myself, a road ride is on the cards tonight whether it will happen is another thing, I must sort some decent food out for myself as well.

Can I also say that you should be very careful about accusing her of having a fling.

Yes I know now, I was being irrational.

Well, I’m back at at work behind may desk where 72 hours ago it all happened, two full nights off the booze now, I feel crap (tired and still emotional) but but look great no dark circles and bloodshot eyes first thing so that’s a good start.

I sent her an email early this morning, I know I should leave her alone, but I was compelled to put my thoughts down for her to read, something which face to face is difficult as it becomes a standoff.

I’ve had a complaint form a client already about the way I handled a situation yesterday, I calmly aplologised but explained that I have had a serious family problem over the weekend but did not wish to give the details, the immediately backed down and accepted this.

The stress is still there whilst handling it without the booze is not necessarily easier, I can think clearly and that is an important when it comes to dealing with work and personal problems.

Here’s to another sober evening.

Unfortunately work isn’t great at the moment, struggling a bit and the clients I have are very demanding, a clear mind should help with that hopefully.

The stress can’t stay at work, work comes with me wherever I go.

Thanks, I feel so incredibly tired at the moment 4 hours sleep last night and probably suffering for the lack of sugar that the wine gave me.

Monday tomorrow and ironically I have work to take my mind off it (kind of), driving off tomorrow morning without my wife and little girl waving and blowing a kiss at the window is going to be horrible.

It’s for me as well, trying to rectify this utter **** up of mine is for everyone involved.

I’m not getting any physical effects from giving up alcohol, if the doctor insists medication is the way to go I will consider it, but I know my wife wouldn’t like the idea and at the moment I’m trying to prove I can do this pretty much solo (counseling aside), I’m an alcoholic quitting alcohol at the most stressful event of his life, to her and her family this should hopefully count for a lot.

Without blowing my own trumpet, I’m surprised how I’m getting through this, I know its only day 2, but I walked down the booze isle today and I didn’t even consider picking up a bottle, the till girls are used to me buying wine in there, I convinced she looked at me as to say ‘Where’s the wine?’.

ignore.

Lovely day with my daughter, went for a trundle with her this afternoon in her pushchair to the supermarket, word of warning never go to Lidl when you head is imploding I’ve no idea what this rice dish is I bought.

However on a not so good note when I got back my wife was there to pick my daughter up, I lost it, I just couldn’t stop sobbing, I was like a big baby, I tried to contain myself and asked her how she could do this etc etc (not helpful I know), earlier today I had said that why didn’t she give me the ultimatum, stop drinking or I leave with our daughter, she replied ‘I assumed you would be aware that would happen’, I bought that up again and said how can you let anyone assume that? Especially an alcoholic, in fact I didn’t think she would leave as we had a daughter, foolish and complacent I know.

I did ask her to have a good think about what she has done and she agreed, I should add I asked what her (Step) Father thought of it all, one of the things he said was that a Leopard never changes its spots, this is a man that 2 years ago was about 22+ stone and drank 3 bottles of wine a night, in fact we used to get bladdered together, he’s now given up drinking and lost weight, kind of makes that remark baseless, he also said that once you leave it’s over, more bollocks.

On a good note, sparkling mineral water and Roses lime juice tonight.

Thanks for listening all of you.

EDIT: My wife offered to come and clean the house tomorrow which was nice.

Also, are you drinking to deal with the stress at work, or getting stressed at work to justify the drinking ?? I knew somebody like that. Just a thought.

Yes I have drawn the conclusion that I am using stress to have an excuse to drink, that’s not to say I look for the stress but I have definitely used it to justify the drinking.

However a Psychiatrist may draw a different conclusion.

Been out in the garden playing with my Daughter, Christ we have barely been here a year and she loves the garden her paddling pool, it was our dream house, more pain, must stay in control but it’s hard.

to less than once a fortnight.

This

And whilst I’m rambling, over the past couple of months or so there has been a change in her behavior I realised this way before Friday, I haven’t mentioned this so far as I’m not sure I am addding it up correctly.

1.She spends a lot of time texting on her phone, this isn’t necessarily a new thing but it has increased.

2. She has been late a lot recently, this is unusual

3. Whilst I’ve been out riding she has been out a couple of times that I know of and has been out for far too long (always dressed nicely) for instance last week she spent over two hours buying wellies for our daughter!

I know from experience that this is classic indications someone is up to something, what do you think?

I have asked her directly if she is having an affair and she has said no, but this morning when she came back from the Gym she said that she has to go and do some errands for her Father, but she grabbed what looked like a change of clothes, and she admitted she was getting knickers, thing is she took a load of stuff yesterday, this looks to me that she is getting changed somewhere else other than her parents.

I should add that if her parents found out she was having an affair, their support would decrease considerably.

One thing she did say this morning and I’m not sure how to read into it, I did say to her that I presumed that she thought I would turn into an alcoholic mess over the weeknd, she replied well it would have given me more ammuntion, ammuntion? I’ve taked both barrells in the vital organs what more could she want?

Perhaps it would justfiy her actions further? and if she needs further justification perhaps there is still a glimmer in there that isn’t sure.

Sorry I’m rambling.

Maybe best not to think of that at the moment.

Looking at the broader picture, we will have to sell the house if the worse does happen, which is fine there is a fair chunk of equity in it, not enough for me to buy a house and in my mid 40’s what am I going to do, guess I’d have to rent and invest the money.

+1 for the bike ride idea, you must be mentally exhausted from dealing with this,

Yes I am to a degree, but mentally I’m struggling with the idea of a riding at the moment, I may go for a walk later when my daughter has gone, seemed to work well yesterday.

Oh I still have hope, but the legal proceedings are in place already, I don’t think I have much time.

Well we had a calm conversation, but it was a two way rather than me telling her what I was doing and her listening, she still maintains that this is it and it’s over, I didn’t entice her to say this again but I have told her that I’m not giving up with us yet as I need this as part of my recovery she warned me not to badger her about it otherwise she will back away.

The sad thing is I’m starting to realise that I think she has gone for good, everyday is going to be a very long day.

I currently have my daughter with me, we’ve been to the park on the swings so I’ve had some fresh air, she is at that age where she is asking questions of everything ‘what’s that noise?’ etc at every little sound and thing she sees, it was lovely having a conversion with her without my head being clouded by a night on the booze.

My wife has gone to the local gym for an hour and has agreed to come back and listen to what I have to say, the temptation is to get carried away and say look at me I’m better come back to me, but I know this would be a bloody daft thing to do as I still have a journey in front of me and some demons to fight before anyone will believe me, I think she may also stay for lunch, which will be great anyway it’s a bit stupid using petrol driving between her parents and here all day.

Thanks for all your supportive words they have been great, please keep them coming even the tough love ones!

BTW I’m not sure if I’ve said in on here so far (turning into a bit of a long thread), But hello I’m rubbish, I’m an alcoholic.

Does anyone know what the procedure will be with the Doctor? I don’t think I need medical assistance to kick the drink I’m not having any physical problems, but will he refer me to an Psychiatrist? What else will happen? What question can I expect?

Heh, a full English would be hard to eat at the best of times! I’ve had a couple of digestives and 3 cups of tea so far today, about all I can manage at the moment.

Go for a ride today – its a lovely day no matter what else you have going on.

Part of me wants to, part of me doesn’t also I have hardly eaten since Friday so I don’t think I will have the energy, I’m also likely to be massively dehydrated.

Managed to get off to sleep at about 3am although I think I was drowsing before hand darkness was difficult when I shut my eyes all I could think about / see were my wife and daughter, woke up at 6.30am, a moment of crushing reality hit and I felt a very strong feeling of panic, realising that after this morning I won’t see my daughter for over a week, I will see my wife a couple of times through work related issues.

However one good thing I have is clarity, no hangover although desperate inside I’m thinking quite clearly, I’ve even had work calls this morning whilst I moaned at the phone ringing but I felt on top of the problem I had to deal with solved it, did the washing up and made a cup of tea, even dusted some furniture as I don’t want my wife to think I’m going to let the house go to ruin.

Psychological help is the way forward here, as above I think I have a self esteem problem maybe even self destructive, I need to find out why.

I want to sit down with my wife and tell her all this when she arrives this morning but I don’t want to feel I’m trying to badger her, she already knows I was sober last night as did my mum who burst into tears when I told her I had poured the last bottle of wine down the sink.

Re the time off work, sadly that just can’t happen for now.

Here’s to another day, sorry for off loading on here but it really is helping.

Thanks for your honesty cheekyboy.

I reckon if you sort yourself out and prove yourself to be a good father your wife might wonder what she’s done. And if she doesn’t – move on – but keep your little girl your lifes priority and prove yourself to all involved mate.

Yep, I’m trying to be positive as I said above she is determined its over so we shall see.

Nice to have clear head, bit strange but it seems to be helping with the positive thoughts.

The wife has picked our daughter up, I was calm and polite no snide remarks, I think I may have smiled but I’m not sure, I asked her was it just the drinking or had she gone off me, she said the drinking and a couple of broken promises I had made, but she didn’t say she had gone off me, although yesterday she was saying I don’t love you in the right way anymore, but yesterday we both said a lot of things.

I told her that I wanted to prove to her that I can be sober but didn’t make any mention of trying to get back with her, as per the above advice I’m going to play the long game, she’s coming back in the morning so I can have my daughter for half the day, hopefully I may find it in me to have a ride in the afternoon.

Anyway pizza ready to go in the oven and a bottle of bitter lemon chilling in the fridge, here’s to the first night of sobriety for a while.

I’m not looking forward to going to bed though.

Its all very strange, I’m going from positive to negative and back again, pacing round and around the room.

The anger is subsiding, being with my daughter all afternoon has helped.

Well she’s asked to take our daughter back to her parents tonight, given the advice above I’ve agreed without much fuss, I guess it’s a start.

She still is very determined it’s over, the brick wall approach in richpenneys post makes a lot of sense.