Ton, 12 months ago I was in the depths of despair. I’d had a “bi polar episode” (manic depression), gone completely nuts, left my wife and everything I’d spent years building and “come round” to find this trail of destruction. In the space of a week I was told about the bi-polar, the wife moved to Australia (we’re now divorced) and my dad was hospitalised in a pretty serious condition. It was horrendous. I couldn’t take much more.
The only advice I can give you is to go talk to someone who doesn’t know you from Adam. It helped me loads. And try and find something to throw yourself into. I hadn’t been on a MTB for 17 years and I dropped £3k on a Yeti without even a testride. Why? Well if I’d spent that much I would ride the thing in wind, rain and hail, and I have.
Dunno if that helps, but if you want to chat let me know. More than happy to help. Oh and smile, you’ll feel much better :-)