You need to be aware of a few things if you want to be an Expert:

1: Know your tyres. At least five different sets of tyres for the wildly different conditions present in the UK. Using the wrong tyres can be fatal.

2: Lube. You must know about lube. GT85 is not lube, WD40 is not lube. There are specific lubes for specific weather conditions, heaven help you if you use the wrong lube. It doesn’t matter that your chain will get covered in crap within 5 minutes; you must use the right lube.

3a: However much travel you have on your bike is the most travel anyone could ever need, even if it is a hardtail / rigid.

3b: Laugh in the face of physics. There’s no way anyone could want or need more than 160/160 brakes. Steve Peat rides 140/140, conversation over.

4: The wise and prudent man fashions a mudguard for his £3000 bike out of an old coke bottle or innertube.

5: You are only allowed to have a strong opinion about Orange bikes if you’ve never owned one.

6: Learn and understand these terms: Power Ranger (anyone who wears more armour than you) , Skills Compensator (any bike with more suspension or generally better components than your bike), Ego Chariot (owned exclusively by middle aged IT consultants to show how much money they have)

7: Make sure you overtake other riders at all costs, then come to the forum and boast about how you “dropped a Power Ranger on a Skills Compensator” (see above). Do this even though they probably didn’t know they were racing you; a win is a win, and you are a winner.

8: Brake jack totally exists and you totally understand it; everyone needs next year’s 20-link VPP DW exo-link multi-point super pivot technology. It really makes a difference when you’re bumbling along the canal or trail, really it really does, honestly.

9: Never forget that biking is a very serious business.

10: At least it’s not BikeRadar though

oh come on there’s nothing better than hunting down power rangers

5-10 impacts don’t bother with anything else.

I’m never going to have kids as my brain stops me from fancying women (it’s a condition 🙂 ) but for what it’s worth, I would take the opportunity if you can. Almost unanimously, friends tell me that having children is the most rewarding experience they can imagine. Also, what could be better than a mini-you? It’s your shot at immortality!

Just bought a set of 2012 floats with the gold stuff and posh cartridges and they are miles better than my old 2008 floats.

Dark grey suit, white shirt, red tie, black shoes. Follow this mantra and you’ll never be inappropriately dressed in the office. Buy as good as you can afford, if possible get everything custom fitted. Buy a good watch but avoid something massively flashy (steel Rolex or Omega are fine, avoid gold Gaytonas, massive Breitlings etc)

I played the City game for the best part of 15 years, it’s sad but your appearance really does make a difference.

If you really want some good advice read and digest THIS thread at SA.

From the desk of Keith, sitting in his pants.

1: Go and work for the national
2: Steal some customers
3: ????
4: Profit

I’m a shameless brand snob, only dualit and SMEG in my kitchen (that I don’t even use) darling 🙂

Yeah they are great I have dualit toaster, kettle, coffee machine and all that and they are all really well built. Buy cheap buy twice (or more)

Elfinsafety – Member

Can’t say the same for Teej, but I’ve never lost a debate.

You don’t debate, you just spout seemingly endless reams of crap, change your story, and rely on incredibly contrived semantics until the other side gets bored, then you claim “victory”. Hint: We’re not laughing with you.

Edit: I should make it clear that I don’t think it’s a bad thing, some of the Elfin threads are great reading and certainly add some colour to the forum 🙂
xxx love Keith

hunting down power rangers

I love this, this is the new “owning with bombers”

CCleaner – although I would physically destroy the drive if you’re getting rid of it.

Top Tip: avoid smelling your fingers after dipping into said spicy bikers

Orange 6

Which did you prefer? get that one

Oranges everywhere in south wales

GT85 or WD40 christ it’s a cycle chain

Pretty maybe, but she only got a 2:1, what a thicko

Aren’t man-purses wallets a bit, well, gay?. And that’s coming from a total gayer.

MTFU and just drink Mutzig in Robinson’s, who needs food? 🙂

I used to buy 5 quid bolle safety glasses and they’re great, but I then bought a set of oakley flak jackets and they are fantastic, the mud and water clears really quickly and they hardly fog at all, and haven’t scratched yet.

extendable stems

I build a small amount extra into my invoicing and offer a 10% discount for paying within 28 days – hardly ever have any late payers.

Plant them in the garden, in a week or so you will have some chickens, the chickens will lay you new eggs. I’m sure that’s how it works.

If you’d done proper DH instead of your nan’s garden path ^^^^ you would have punctured 🙂

Even the US won’t allow their citizens to avoid tax through exile

Now now, it’s not exile, it’s taking full advantage of perfectly legal (if morally reprehensible) non-domicile and monaco-based-image-rights-company rules 🙂

Junkyard that’s a well thought out post, nice one. I agree with you on your points. I would like to see a much higher taxable threshold with a much stricter discount / benefits regime, so people on lower incomes can survive without needing handouts. I would then stick a flat rate (30%?) tax on all income above the threshold and close the loopholes that allow the super rich to pay almost no tax at all (I’m looking at you Elton John, F1 drivers, Premiership footballers, etc)

But they do pay more tax in real actual terms. Actually thinking about it, in percentage terms too – I’m paying 20% on my first 35k (minus initial allowance if that still exists), 40% on my next 115k and 50% on everything else, which could be seen as pretty unfair.

It’s great as Cougar said, just make sure you create the recovery CD and store it somewhere safe, in case you forget the decryption passphrase!

I’m happy that some of you gleefully avoid paying it. It’d be interesting to cross-reference those with the people who whine about uninsured drivers and increased premiums, see how much cross-over there is.

Yes, uninsured drivers and people not paying tv tax are exactly the same thing 🙄

I don’t think I’ve ever had a TV license. I’ve had the occasional letter over the years but I just bin them. PS there is no such thing as a “detector van”.

*fap* *fap* *fap*

Of course most STWs are fatties, it comes with being middle aged and middle class. (Actually have you noticed? With wealthy people the husband is usually fat and the wife skinny, with poor people the man is usually a beanpole and the woman is a fatty?)

I once owned a CSL and according to BMW they wouldn’t warranty any claims against steering and suspension failure arising from any incorrect tyre fitment, and that my insurance may have been invalid if I had changed to different tyres due to it being a non-BMW approved modification. I’m sure it was balls though.

Go dual ply and use thick tubes or you’ll be puncturing a lot, (assuming you’re only riding DH and not mincing like a big fairy) 🙂

I used to take swampies and minions/high rollers but this yeah just used a set of conti barons, they were great – super grippy in the wet and the dry.

God no, how pretentious

I can’t work out whether TJ is a brilliant, intricately developed troll, or the most naive, least aware person ever to grace an internet forum. Either explains the phenomenon, but which one is it? Nothing personal TJ 🙂

@ ‘no one is oppressed in this country’ you are so so so wrong. one of the notable things about here is that kids, not ones that are smashing things up, but just kids, were excited to find they can just ‘be’ out on the street last night as if they were free.as if where they lived actually belonged, in part, to them, that the stigma of immediate and prejudiced criminalisation was violently shaken off. There is a papable sense that a very real and direct oppression was temporarily lifted, a sense of freedom. i can’t imagine my childhood without feeling free to go out and play. people get harrassed, have nothing to get their teeth into, nothing to express themselves with, no one they trust pointing the way towards things they might want to do. some of you people are so clueless, and the police will end up really hurting people tonight to protect your self appointed right to cluelessness.

I always essentially trusted the adults around me growing up, this is so not true for the people in my area, they are suspicious, scared and angry. You are so so so wrong.

Well it isn’t my fault. Is it your fault?

Nobody in this country is oppressed. Everyone has access to free education and healthcare, everyone is subjected to the same laws and social structure. The disenfranchised need to get over it and take some personal responsibility for their actions.