Years ago I decided that my ticket out of this hell-hole (i.e. slightly below averagely paid, perfectly comfortable existence) was to write a self-help bible, explaining exactly how readers could exchange their own mediocre-but-not-really-that-bad life for one of untold riches and comfort (and therefore happiness, obviously). All they’d have to do is write a best-selling self-help book.

Simple. (It’s kinda pyramid selling to the easily manipulated).

Of course I’ve done nothing about it, so I’m throwing it out there for someone with more get up and go than me (i.e. any) to run with. Only asking for 10% of sales.

This refinement of my original plan will form the basis of the follow-up book.

With the price of hay this year you’re missing a trick!

Scaled has it nailed. We used a 1-acre field for hay this year (was meant to be haylage, but it was way too dry by the time it was cut). Just wanted small bales for ease of handling / storage. Paid less than £200 to get it cut and baled, which landed us 207 small bales. Going rate at the moment round here is £5.00 per bale… you can do the maths.

Because of the long dry spell we only got one cut off it, but normally we’d expect at least 2. We’d also usually go for haylage as storage is less of a pain – costs a bit more to do, but also gets more if you sell it. The only problem is getting someone who’s willing to do small bales. They’re a right faff.

Fill your boots:

Parking like a tit in Cornwall Facebook group

ETA: Usually a bit busier in summer…

<div class=”bbp-reply-content”>

… I’m inclined to think he is a disgruntled ex-employee or that I had wee’d on his sofa…

Would be interested to see the Venn diagram for these groups of people, MOAB. And how many would we be talking about in total…..?

Beginning to see a whole other Matt here.

</div>

Another “recommend what you’ve got” reply, but:

Might be worth having a look at a Fabia estate. Yes, I know it’s a size down from the Focus according to whoever comes up with these things, but the boot is a little larger if that’s what matters. I’ve got the old-style (2009) version and it’s fine to take 3 average adults and their bikes inside – including two 29-ers.

Really economical, and mine has been faultless for reliability in 150,000 miles of forced labour. It gets an oil change each time it tells me to (about every 16,000 miles at the current rate) and that’s it.

As a bonus it helps you identify mouth-breathers stuck in the 20th Century by their witty comments (see above).

Having said all that, it isn’t a huge car, and you might notice the cabin space being a bit smaller than the Focus. When mine finally dies, a Civic estate will be on the list. Fantastically versatile and creative use of space…

Surely it’s got to be Lady in Red…?

But on a serious note, I don’t know if it’s going to sleep music but “Things the grandchildren should know” by Eels always gives me goose bumps.

Learnt to swim aged 15, but at 25 could still barely do 50m, all of it keeping-my-head-dry type breast stroke.

Never had any lessons once I’d learned not to drown, but one day a total stranger made a passing comment to me along the lines of “slow down, you’ll find it’s faster” and it really clicked.

I started by just getting the hang of breathing. Sounds daft I know, but being able to breath rhythmically, on either side, and with long out-breaths and quick in-breaths is fundamental… and that’s really difficult if you’re breathing hard!

So I’d say start by seeing how slowly you can swim front crawl. I found that a really languorous stroke rate (about 3 seconds per stroke with a pause between each one) and a breath every 4 worked for me. I also found that leg muscles seem to use a lot of oxygen, so I was only kicking enough to stop my legs from sinking, at this stage (or using pull buoys, as above). It slowed everything down and gave me time to get the feel of how the water moves over the body. Turbulence is drag and at that speed any turbulence is pretty apparent – and easier to address. As you get more relaxed you’ll find you have time to think about things like arm entry angle, exit position  and body rotation. If it feels smooth, it’s probably efficient – the mtb analogy would be flowing down a trail vs hammering down it.

You fairly quickly get to a point where breathing is entirely subconscious, just like it is out of the water (which is when I made a determined effort to nail breathing to the left, too). By now you’ve got more time to think about technique and can exercise more aerobically as you’ll automatically compensate for the demand for more oxygen without noticing.

From there you can work on speed, HIT, endurance or whatever you’re after. I’ve never been a fast swimmer, but when I was 30 I did a 5k swimathon in 84 minutes, and each kilometre was faster than the previous one. I just kind of settle into the rhythm and build up slowly.

I’ve still never learnt to tumble-turn, but as most of swimming is now in the sea I don’t suppose I ever will.

TL:DR Slow down till you’re at resting breathing rate and work on technique first.

I was on an interview panel a while ago where the presentation topic was simply “an ecosystem of your choice”. We had “The taiga”, “Sub-tropical rain forests” and “A cow-pat” presented to us (not literally). Guess which one got the job?

Be memorable.

My favourite of our local Indian restaurants took over its premises when the artisan pizzeria folded. They kept the wood-fired pizza oven out front, and now do kick-ass pizza as well as great curries. Last weekend my niece and her boyfriend were staying, so we all have pizza with onion bhajis (with lime chilli sauce).

It’s the future I tell you!

There is only one cat. Though it can simultaneously be a dog.

I usually do the washing up at parties… better than having to talk to anyone and show up just how dull I am.

(I’m very happy with all of the above, by the way)

UPDATE….

Decided that the STW hive-mind had got it right (as always). So we’ve kept the Fabia, and have added a Suzuki SJ410 to the farm fleet. So far it seems hugely capable, it’s a soft top so we can just stack it as high as we need to, and it’s got a tow-bar anyway, in case we want to stick the bales on a wee trailer.

Thanks for all the advice, it really did help get my head round what the issues were going to be.

And Mrs PZ is happy that it’s not going to be towing anything horse-sized around. In fact, she loves it. Probably shouldn’t tell her that I’ve been eyeing this up…

<div class=”bbp-reply-author”>thestabiliser
<div class=”bbp-author-role”>
<div class=””>Member</div>
</div>
</div>
<div></div>
<div class=”bbp-reply-author”>
<div class=”bbp-author-role”>
<div></div>
<div class=””><span style=”font-family: ‘Helvetica Neue’, Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 0.8rem;”>Endlessly repeating lazy…..pick two</span></div>
</div>
</div>

OK – that’s not how it looked in preview.

Damn, and it was such a funny comment. No, really, it was….

<div class=”bbp-reply-content”>

I’ll have “Endlessly lazy” please, Bob.

</div>

I’d recommend the Telegraph Museum in Porthcurno, but then I’m biased (disclaimer – I work there). But seriously, if you’re even slightly into science, technology or how we got to the global connectivity we have today, it’s an eye opener. Traffic in Porthcurno can be a bit silly occasionally, but if you’re there by 10:00 you’ll be fine.

The beach / bay at Porthcurno is quite special too, though it’s hardly quirky (google search “Pedn Vounder” to see it at its best). You’d be crazy not to call in at the Minack if you’re in the village, even (especially?) if you don’t want to see a show. It’s an amazing place to look round when there isn’t a performance on, but in summer that’s only for a few hours each day… check their website carefully. But it’s a place like no other, and on lots of “must do” lists.

Elsewhere, try Geevor, St Michael’s Mount (it’d be rude not to if you’re in Marazion), or Tremenheere Sculpture Gardens. If there are any horsey people in your family you might want to look at horseback archery or horseback sea-swimming.

If you’re bringing your bike and want any pointers, PM me.

And if you’re taking Canopy’s advice – and you should – make sure you go through the hole in the right direction. Else you’ll get whatever the last person was cured of!

I had a 1990 2.3CD (non turbo). Plenty went wrong with it, but it didn’t seem to care. At one point I drove over 1,000 miles in a week without 1st gear, 2nd gear or any synchromesh… but with a failing head gasket. It just kept going! Even with quite major items it was ok to adopt a fix-it-when-you-can-afford-it approach.

Was the most comfortable car I’ve ever had, and with an unfeasibly large boot. I often hanker after another one, pre-(first)-facelift preferably, but they’re hard to come by.

If you get the chance, go for it. If nothing else, you’ll have some great stories!

You need to be very careful around Gross Vehicle Weight and towing capacities.

In the eyes of the law the weight you’re actually dragging around is irrelevant. It’s how much could you be towing. So, if your horse trailer has a gross weight of, say, 2700kg, then so must your tow-car. Even if the trailer is empty. (I know, and people say the law is an ass).

Unless you buy a 1-horse trailer, you’re unlikely to have a gross trailer weight that’s legal behind a Freelander.

Now a lot depends on how savvy the local BiBs are (or anyone else who might take an interest), but it’s worth knowing where you might stand should you be pulled over.

As for your choice of vehicle? I have no direct experience, but as a died-in-the-wool LR fanboy, I’d still say steer clear of the green oval. I live and work in a farming community and have yet to meet anyone who’s had a reliable Landrover. Even the loyal devotees admit they’re generally a heap of slurry and a massive money pit. Whenever I’m tempted to scratch that itch I just have a chat with my brother in law (Discovery, in his case). Brings me to my senses in no time.

Much though I hate to recommend such a source, the Horse and Hound forums are a good source of info/opinions on trailers & tow vehicles.

Thanks for the replies. Lots of food for thought.

I had thought about a quad + trailer before. Thing is, it’d mean one more thing cluttering up the yard (potentially getting nicked) and also eat into the money available to replace the Fabia, which cannot go on for much longer suffering the kind of abuse it has (currently used as the farm hack, as long as the ground is dry).

Same goes for an old SORN pick up, and I’d sooner get a quad for the lack of damage it’d do to the land.

A conventional vehicle would definitely need plenty of ground clearance which might rule out the XTrail and Forrester (and GV from my list), and yes, I was expecting to put proper mud tyres on whatever we got.

Will have a look at the Pathfinder, though I thought I’d read some internet horror stories (and we all know how accurate they can be). I’m good at the negatives, eh?

Can definitely see the appeal of the quad bike option, so I’ll have another look at prices. Now, any ideas how to break it to Mrs Pz that we won’t be towing a horse trailer anywhere?

ETA: Timba, interested by your comment about needing LA licence for tip runs. I’d assumed that something with 2 (or potentially 3) rows of seats and not a pick-up would count as a car. Do you know if it varies from one council to the next?

It really does look like Diane Abbott levels of ineptitude (now there’s a dream ticket). I’ve actually got to the stage where I’m almost finding it funny*. It’s like a cross between Yes Minister and a Carry On film. Do you think he’ll say he mis-spoke when taking the Oath, if he needs to?

Maybe that’s where some of the more articulate/intelligent Trump supporters have been at all along. They’ve been thinking “the guy’s pure parody – I can’t believe no-one else gets it”. Hence mocking – or being contrary with – everyone who’s late to the party.

Yeah, it’s a shame about the whole **** the planet bit, but he’s only got another 6 years in office, tops, and based on what he’s achieved so far, how many changes will he get through in that time? Of course he may not get re-elected (but you know, I fear he might) and more to the point he could try to change the system so presidents aren’t limited to 2 terms – but I have a weird faith that even GOP law makers might see the folly in that.

On the up-side, it turns out he never had bone-spurs at all…. his doctor mis-spoke.

*…or very,very scary. There’s this weird, untested equilibrium: on one side there’s DT’s ability to appear monumentally inept and un-voteable-for, and on the other side there’s the unswerving devotion of the American right.

Not 1 line, but:

“That new boyfriend of hers… what’s he like?”

“Massive knob.”

“Has he?”

<div class=”bbp-reply-author”>
<div class=”bbp-author-role”>
<div class=””>Nicko74</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class=”bbp-reply-content”>

<span style=”font-size: 0.8rem;”> “Stop rocking the caravan, Geoffrey!”</span>

</div>

Coupling was SO good!

At the risk of being terribly simplistic, for me it boils down to a simple question: Is it wrong to kill?

– If the answer is Yes, then no-one should do it, including the state (unless we’re happy for our legislators to live by the “do as I say, not as I do” maxim)

– If the answer is No, then what exactly will be capital crimes?

For that reason I would be against it, even if there was some magical guarantee that all convictions were sound.

My two penn’orth is that, physiologically speaking, we’ve got to the point where our ability to change our habits / habitat has massively outstripped our ability to change us. Our basic biology and psychology hasn’t caught up with the world we’ve created… our makeup is basically predisposed to mooching around trying to find enough food so we can hang around long enough to procreate. Or maybe that’s just me?

Basically, Stornaway have it right: We’re becoming Battery Humans

ETA – Well, it is a bike forum

Cornwall is a spread out, awfully varied place, and there are loads of options which hit a broad brief like “fairly active, bit of walking, some watersports”. I’m in the far west, so not best placed to comment on the North East (eg Newquay!), so apologies if this isn’t really what you were asking about…:

There are loads of good beaches out west if you want old-school watersports (i.e. swimming), and the surf school at Sennen is about as well placed for waves as it’s possible to get in southern Britain. I think you can SUP in St Ives and there’s kite surfing in Mount’s Bay (Long Rock), if that’s more your thing (http://www.oceanhigh.co.uk)

Don’t be put off by talk of the crowds if you’re coming in June. Yes, it can get busy, but it won’t be like the underground at rush hour. It’s not impossible to escape the crowds (even on a sunny afternoon in August) if you don’t follow the “must see” lists. For example, the Coast Path is great, but if you try it on a nice weekend in June it’ll be an awful lot busier than, say, the Tinner’s Way (west Penwith – near Towednack, Zennor, etc. as mentioned above). And for me the Penwith moors are as gorgeous as anywhere in Cornwall (they’re my go-to place when I want to just gently sink into the landscape, so please don’t all go there).

Oh, and my tip if you want to go to Land’s End is don’t. Porthcurno, for example, has a lot more to recommend it and is only a couple of miles away. If you do want coast path, I’d say walk north from Porthgwarra or anywhere between Sennen and St Ives.

The only downside to all of this is if you’re looking for nightlife too. West Cornwall really isn’t the place for it.

The Lizard is also great for some space and outdoorsiness, and is somehow very different from everywhere else in Cornwall. But although it’s a bit further east, it’s even more of a mission to get to than the far west. And again, you’ll meet more crowds somewhere well-known like Kynance than, say, walking over Goonhilly Downs.

Hope this helps, and have a great break wherever you go.

Of course dowsing works, although bent coat hangers are a little old school.

All I need is a couple of Golden Retrievers and I can persuade any naysayer to change their views…

I’m with Flashy. Ordered something which was allegedly in stock as a present for Mrs Pz. Turned out not to be in stock…. for the next 4 months. Appalling communication (and no option to cancel order online). Ended out giving at as a present the following year, and vowing to tell anyone who’d listen how bad they are.

I wouldn’t touch them with someone else’s bargepole.

I can relate to your quandary. I definitely rely far more on the bike for confidence than on any skills I might have. I loved my 2012 Orange 5 for just this reason, got me out of far more scrapes than it should have. Then I tried a (2014) Banshee Prime.

Oh my word! It just does everything the Orange did so much better. It’s not hugely chubby, but it’s certainly no lightweight. Even so it climbs pretty well – and that’s with a 150mm fork. Just gets traction everywhere and feels a lot lighter than it is, if that makes sense?

And it’s such an amazing confidence giver it’s awesome. So much so that I’ve started making return trips to the local bike park. I know anyone sane would point out that I am massively overbiked for most of my riding, but I see it as “skills compensation”. At least I know that if I tank it, it’s definitely my fault, not the bike’s!

Not sure how the range has developed since I got mine, but might be worth a look. (If you’re in the South West and want a test ride give me a shout).

Loads of good riding in Cornwall, but as above, not all of it is easy to find. It’s worth hooking up with someone who knows what’s where. This lot are a friendly bunch and have loads of local knowledge. I’m near Penzance so drop me an email (in profile) if you want any pointers out west.

As for pasties, as you’ve probably noticed everyone has their own favourite. It’s a very personal and subjective thing. A few years back we were looking at changing our pasty suppliers at work so we got loads in to do blind tastings. Every single person involved had a different favourite.

Having said that, the best pasty I’ve ever had was from St Keverne bakery, so I’m with downshift on that one. Same it’s convenient for absolutely nowhere!

Or how about this?

My best mate has family just outside Mansle, so we’ve been out a couple of times house-sitting for them. As above, it’s pretty quiet (or completely dead, depending on your perspective), and it’s definitely not got much elevation for mountain biking. Mostly rolling farmland (acres and acres of sunflowers as I recall).

The first time we went we alternated between walking from the house (quite roads / farm tracks) to churches, villages, etc, every other day with a trip further afield in the car in between. A week was plenty. Next time we took gravel bikes so could go further afield on non-car days.

Angouleme is worth a day trip, as is Cognac (decide who’s going to be driving BEFORE going on any distillery tours!), and we also went to Saintes for a day where there’s an impressive Roman amphitheatre you could just wander round.

We’re pretty happy to do nothing in the evenings but sit round and read, play board games, that sort of thing, but even so… I think more than a week at a time would have been too much. There really is very little to do.

Both times we went in late September so it might be busier in summer. I think you can hire canoes on the Charente for example.

Oh, and bring back some pineau for me, would you?

An Orange Five is a hard bike to replace, but in the spirit of recommend what you’ve got, it might be worth trying a Banshee Prime if you get a chance.

I had a 2012 Five which I loved, I couldn’t see me ever replacing it. It did everything I wanted, just how I wanted it to. Then I had a go on a Prime and loved it. Rides surprising similar (especially considering it’s a 29er), but it just seems to want to go faster everywhere. Much faster, usually.

I kept the Orange thinking I’d enjoy the occasional blast for a change, but it never left the shed again! Eventually I stripped it back for parts to build Mrs Pz’s new bike. The frame’s still kicking around somewhere…

The drive back from Passportes du Soleil a few years back, me and my nephew did the trip on 4 stale baguettes and half a kilo of Nutella between us. 1,004 miles, 20 hours driving, no ill effects.

Haven’t touched the stuff since, mind.

Out the front it’s lovely: very unkept garden and soon-to-be-chainsawn Leylandii hedge, then less than a mile to the beach, St Michael’s Mount and Marazion, with Cudden Point and the Lizard beyond. Best from upstairs as the brambles are half way up the downstairs windows (did I mention the garden was unkempt?).

Out the back, not so much: The yard with bins, a mountain of purlins off the old roof, a dozen decaying rubble bags full of crap, some well rotted pallets, old shower tray, newish toilet (in a nice sunny spot to be fair, good place for a tea break), stacks of old slates and ivy rampaging over / through the outbuildings. And randomly at the moment, two trays of kale and some anemone rejects.

As a Prime owner and serial upgrader (in everything, not just bikes), I keep asking myself this, and I keep coming up with the same answer: Nothing.

Before I got the Banshee I’d never go more than a few months before getting it into my head that the latest This, That or TheOther would be better than what I’d got. Now, coming up for 4 years down the line I still struggle to find anything I’d want to change.

But don’t take my (or anyone else’s word for it). The other thing I learnt with all the bike swapping is that 100 reviews is no match for a single demo ride and everyone ‘clicks’ with different bikes.

But the Prime really is ace…!

wilburt – Member
Prefer putting kids on the roof bikes or no bikes.

FTFY

Oh man, this is taking me back….

– Voice of the beehive? Check.
– Eight legged groove machine? Check.

It was just me and one (similar age) colleague in work between Christmas and New Year, and we ended out taking it in turns playing tracks from our youth. I’d forgotten just how much I like some of that stuff.

Icicle Works, anyone? Jesus and Mary Chain? Or how about the Immaculate Fools?

maccruiskeen – Member
Quitting cheese is the hardest for me tbh.

Its the hardest thing to decide to do – but its really easy once you’ve done it. After a few weeks off dairy you’re pretty ambivalent about it if you try it again. After a few months its something you genuinely don’t like – you really don’t miss it.

Not for me.

It’s funny, I really loved meat and thought I would struggle with that side when I went vegan (without going through the veggie halfway-house), but I’ve never really missed it. Not even bacon. But cheese? Oh dear lord, every single time when I open the fridge and my wife’s topped up the cheese shelf, I waver.

Cougar – Moderator
…. Quorn / TVP / soy etc is just an alternative source of protein, and burgers and sausages are a convenient way of packaging said protein. Chicken isn’t fake beef.

Completely agree – if the reason you eat meat is because it’s a convenient way of packaging protein. But if you eat it because you enjoy the tastes, textures and smells of that meat then – speaking for myself – I find the labelling of it as “vegetarian beef”, for example, sets up expectations which aren’t met. Like if chicken were sold as “beef-y meat”.

But you’re right, it’s a really personal thing. No rights, no wrongs, just about finding out what works for you (or going back to meat if that’s what you like). There are far too many dietary zealots in the world. Sorry if that’s how I came across, too.

Malvern Rider – Member
Start easy – (re-l)earning to cook veg properly and replacing the ‘meat’ with Linda McCartney 1/4 lb burgers which I find to be very good (oven cooked). Cauldron sausages are good too. Otherwise continue as per before while gathering recipes…….

Now you see, as a meat loving vegan I’d say don’t try to replace the meat like-for-like, cos it’ll taste worse than what you’re used to, you’ll feel short-changed, and sticking with it will just become more of a challenge. Fake meat is just that… fake. I’d always steer clear from the “vegetarian beef bourguignon” type recipes as they’ll only be a let-down.

The internet is your friend for recipes, and a good starting point would be dishes / “cuisines” which are traditionally meat free. Indian is a great place to start, with loads and loads of great dishes which were never designed to have meat in, in the first place.

Give it a go, don’t beat yourself up if you falter or it’s not for you, and reassure yourself that giving up meat is a million times easier than giving up cheese!

jonnyboi – Member
Nothing like a bit of mint sauce to go with that crispy lamb fat.

You do all eat the fat I trust….

x 100

(But the mint sauce should be made with lemon juice, not vinegar).

Not sure what kind of accommodation you’re after, but I’d recommend this place. Again, not cheap, but fantastic location, specially for kids. Hard to imagine anything more traffic free.

I’ve never “glamped” in my life, but I’ve been in these and I’ve seen less substantial houses! It’s on the farm next to us (no commission on recommendations, sadly), and trust me, it’s quite a view!

From the other side of the table…

Years ago I worked in the Personnel (aka HR) office of a leading arts college, and amongst other things I was responsible for arranging all interviews, and sitting in on them as scribe and to ensure due process, etc.

We had one interview for a part time lecturer; the panel was the Course Leader – a scruffy, somewhat obsequious and slightly creepy bloke in his fifties – and the Dean of School, who was a very good looking, raffish, friendly, and roguish charmer, similar age. The (only) candidate was a very pretty and shy-seeming woman in her early twenties, looking for her first job.

The Dean spent the whole interview rocking back in his chair, inadvertently flashing a few inches of lower torso as the bottom 2 buttons of his shirt had come undone. I was trying to work out how to draw his attention to this (but not hers) when we got to the part were go through the candidate’s portfolio. To get a proper look (behave) the Dean moved round to sit beside her, and the Course Leader came round and looked over her other shoulder…. at which point I realised his flies were undone!!

As far as I could tell, I was the only person in the room who was aware of the full horror. It felt like the longest interview I’ve ever been in, though on the bright side, she got the job! I also never sat on a single-gender panel again.