What a tough situation OP and I hope things get easier for you and your mum. Thanks to all the others who have shared their experiences too.
I’m about to embark on a similar thing and the next year is going to be a big one I’m sure.
My dad is 80 and has been declining mentally for a few years. About 9 months ago he had to stop driving, which had a massive impact on his health and mental state. We managed to organise some home care which has helped a lot, just 1 hour a day, and I’m sending him shopping every week.
Dementia was first suspected probably 2 years ago but he never consented to any tests or treatment, he just wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening. Finally because of the driving debacle he was put on a waiting list for a memory assessment, which finally happened a couple of weeks ago.
They diagnosed him with mixed Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. Before that he also had a mental capacity assessment which concluded that he already lacked capacity.
We have no LPA in place (I know…) so we are currently in limbo, and will apply for deputyship but it’s very involved and will only give us control of financial decisions, not care/health.
He is living on his own, far from me but close to my sister, however they have a fractious relationship and she regularly needs to take a break and not see him for a while. So the plan is to move him to Bristol closer to me so he can see his grandkids as often as possible before he declines further.
We are attempting to get him into an independent living retirement village, which he is totally on board with. There is a dementia unit adjacent to it. But the clock is ticking and we need to move before he declines further and his care needs change. At that point the only options will be to go straight to a care home or stay where he is and wait for the inevitable crisis point.
So much going on and at the moment I don’t have the headspace, so I’m mentally moving all this to “after Christmas”…..