go on Tinder or Grinder

…….or Judge Rinder.

When your entire life goes tits up after following all the conflicting advice you got off t’internet and you’re looking to hold somebody to account

Here’s how i’m hearing this……

Sazter: I’ll just walk the earth.
STW: What’cha mean walk the earth?
Sazter: You know, walk the earth, meet people… get into adventures. Like Caine from “Kung Fu.”

Best of luck with that in Glesga. :-)

That’ll cure any buzzing noises.

Last years Voodoo Hoodoo? 26 wheels and ickle frame sizes?
Halfords were punting them for about £350 quid now that the 2015 model with 27.5 wheels is out.

I’ve got one and I love it….. and it’s red. Which is faster obvs.

Orbital Nuclear weapons platform with optional slat-hoofer.

The logic for me is quite different. I make a living and support my family by thinking about things with my brain and predominantly communicating those valuable thoughts by typing them into a computer with my hands.
In order to protect these valuable money spinning assets of mine whilst carrying out WHAT I PERCEIVE TO BE any activities that might be risky, I wear the appropriate protection.
I have spent the vast majority of my adult working life on building sites and am obliged to wear a helmet and gloves and boots and glasses and hi viz clothing although my personal exposure to risk is statistically miniscule.
When i’m working in the garden, i’ll wear boots / gloves as appropriate.
When I drive I wear a seatbelt, have traction control / airbags switched on.

Given my averse attitude to personal risk it is significant, TO ME, that of all the potentially hazardous activities that I carry out, tho only time i’ve sustained any injuries was when I went OTB 4 weeks ago and broke two ribs because a dog ran in front of me.

You do what you like. Every time I ride my bike I’m wearing a helmet…. and gloves.

St Ives Bay Holiday park in Hayle, Cornwall.
Hayle towans is an awesome beach.

A terrific Driver, but, sadly, not cordless.

Walk to Mordor and cast it into the Cracks of Doom?

Nah! Scrub that. One does not simply walk into Mordor…….

It’s a fit up.
Someones been using your trousers to leave incriminating a**e prints on the wings of other peoples cars.

Surely it depends on which breed of dog? Also, the dog will be tracking backward and forwards and ranging either side of the route so will be covering vastly greater distances than you.

Weimaraner is bred for hunting so multiple short bursts of frenetic activity with rest periods in between would probably suit better.

What you want is a Dalmatian, They were bred as carriage dogs and can run at a fair pace all day. Mad as a box of frogs though.

Greyhound for the sprint. Labrador for a sprint to the fridge.

Zooooom!

Flounced off…

Hulk never flounces. Ever.

But good on you. Your priorities begin and end with your immediate family i.e wife and kids. Do what’s best for them.

PUNY INLAWS!

Nuke it in the slats? ……possibly from orbit?….. whilst on the hoof?
I’m not sure, but that may be the only way to be sure.

(Scottish people only – surely this should’ve been in the bike forum?? :?)

Stunning pootle in on the foldie past the docks

Deep joy!

Professor Stanley Unwin – sadly missed.

That I’ve never had to go a single day of my life without anything that I genuinely need.

That my kids haven’t had to go a single day of theirs without anything that they genuinely want.

Been there , done that, fixed it.

Don’t lie awake in bed. If you’re not sleepy, get up, go downstairs and do something else until you are. Rinse and repeat. Even if you go to bed six times a night or stay up all night.

You need to constantly reinforce the association of bed = sleep or sex. Nothing else. Eventually your brain will get the message and your body will comply.

Bed does not equal TV, Music, iPad, eating crisps or anything else that is not traditionally associated with being in bed.

Lying awake in bed forms a new association of bed = insomnia and every minute you lie there stressing about exactly how little sleep you could get before you need to get up for work only reinforces this association and creates a vicious cycle of sleeplessness.

Eating food in the street.

except ice cream obvs….. and kebabs.

Pencils

It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead…….. Or it’ll fine you thirty quid. Whatever.

House of Pain – Jump Around.
Stone Roses – Fools Gold
Black Box – Ride on Time
Soul 2 Soul – Back to Life
Beats International – Dub Be Good to Me
S-Express
MARRS – Pump up the Volume
Technotronic – Pump up the Jam

Flash…………….AaaaaaaaaAAAAAaaaaaaaghhh! Saviour of the Universe.

I use it for cleaning the outside of my Static caravan every spring to shift all the accumulated green stuff. If it works on Aluminium cladding it might work on aluminium roof bars?
Also , use a nail brush.

Kids bikes are bonkers prices if you don’t want one made out of old scaffold pipes

……and kids are also bonkers. And my three kids , like all of their mates, don’t give a monkey’s hump about their bikes and will wilfully crash them into stuff, chuck them down hills, throw them down onto concrete / tarmac and knowingly abandon them in places where it is entirely likely that their stoopid ol’ Da’ may well reverse over them in the car.

I want my kids bikes to be made of old scaffold pipes and cost less than £100.

Not many primary school kids care about Strava segments or carbon fibre.
As long as I keep checking the bikes for safety purposes every night before I put them away, a few extra grams (or kilograms) on the bike just isn’t a problem.

Living in an 1890s Victorian house, I can report that the heating cost is bloody astronomical. I’m paying more than twice that just for gas (hot water, GCH and a gas fire, cooker is electric). Pretty sure that one of the first things my fictional children will rip out is the boiler.

Or, in my case, Boilers. 2 of them. One for upstairs. One for downstairs.
You REALLY wouldn’t want my gas bill in a Scottish winter. :(

It’s a minor inconvenience though compared to the upside of living in an 1890’s Victorian house. :D

By the time our kids are grown up they’ll have seen sense and will be fighting each other to buy proper, traditionally built houses with decent sized rooms and gardens and walls that you can hang a picture on

…..instead of these new build timber kit / plasterboard monstrosities which are packed so tightly onto the plots that there’s exactly room for a wheely bin between each house and the front gardens and streets are packed tight with parked cars because the “garage” is designed for all the stuff that doesn’t fit in the house due to the lack of storage space.

Almost all of the cost / time risk is in the ground.
Unforeseen ground conditions and connections to water / electricity / telecoms / drains etc are where the process usually goes ” breasts ascending”.
Getting services to where they need to be can be a nightmare as statutory authorities are notoriously uncooperative and officious.

Once you have the services infrastructure in place and a foundation upon which to construct your house, then, barring design / specification changes ( which should be entirely within your control) or exceptional weather conditions ( lap of the gods…) you should be able to predict the cost accurately if your design is detailed enough.

Get a builder to contract on a fixed price based on a detailed design and agreed programme . Then they take the risk of the weather.

Make sure that the design is what you want before you strike a blow and then DON’T be tempted to change your mind about stuff as you go. This is where the uninitiated always lose big bucks. Variations to building contracts are where the profit is for builders in many cases as so many clients think they can design a project on the fly.

The Emberverse series by S.M. Stirling.

I had a Visonic wireless alarm fitted to the house 10 years ago and, other than changing the occasional battery in the sensors / smoke alarms it’s been mega reliable and trouble free ever since. The main control panel and external sounder unit are hard wired but everything else is wireless with surprisingly no communication issues due to the solid construction of my 130 year old house. Wish the wi – fi worked as well….

Not a phrase I thought i’d be using today but…. Tranquiliser Sausages? :?

Ride off a 1000ft cliff on your bike and then jump off your bike 1ft off the ground. See if you survive as you weren’t moving after all were you and you only fell 1ft.

Perfectly valid strategy for your Road Runner. Coyotes? Not so much. :D

what type of wood do I have?

Morning?

Flambards for kids – I assume that’s still going? I think I last went about 25 yrs ago

Yep still going strong. ….and once you’ve paid for yer tickets you can go back for another day in the next week. Bargain ! Just ordered tickets for Flambards using tesco clubcard points.

RNAS Culdrose air day at the end of July is good.

Isles of Scilly are beautiful but the 3 hr boat trip on the “great white stomach pump” is perhaps not for everyone.

For the truly authentic Cornish holiday experience make sure that you get mugged by a seagull for fish & chips / pasty / ice cream.

It’s best if you let them swoop down behind you, let them land gently on your shoulder to allow them grab the food out of your hand just before you put it into your mouth and promptly bugger off with your snack.
Don’t forget to wave your fist in impotent rage at the culprit and swear profusely before stalking away along the harbour in a cloud of mortal embarrassment.

………or take surf lessons. That’s awesome too.

As someone who spent every childhood summer holiday camping in the west Coast / Highlands i’ll offer the following advice:

Bring a jacket! :D

…and Midge repellant….. and proper Scottish money….. and midge repellant…. and wellies…… and Avon SkinSoSoft…and some midge repellant.

Also, shave the dog.

It makes it easier to apply the midge repellant

A bit of extreme dadvice from the BBC website. Worth a read.

A lesson from Dad

” If the police ever knock my door and mention your name, it had better be to tell me that you’re dead……..otherwise you will be”

A) riding their bike?

Tried that last night. Broke 2 ribs and discovered supernatural tendencies in youngest child. Giving it a miss tonight to be honest.

weather not looking too good at the moment though

If you don’t like the weather in Scotland…….. just wait 20 minutes :wink:

Well done for keeping a sense of humour.

Sense of humour is now firmly chained to the garage wall along with bike. Laughing hurts too much. :(