Anyway, REAL men don’t have parcel shelves …. They have tonneau covers.

If you partook in the boinging with the young lady

I’d take them boots off first though.

Does anything say ‘I am a ****’ quite like…

….declaring that someone, who they don’t know anything about, is a ***** based on their choice of headgear.

I wear this when it’s cold. Real rabbit fur. How many ***’s do I get.

What type of pedals are you using with these??

The Cocoa Bean Company – Twynholm

MMMmmm – Chocolate[/url]

Every second word out of your mouth no longer needs to be “UP”

……Wake up , sit up , tidy up, eat up ,wash up, shut up, up to bed.

If it wasn’t for UP, I’d be a functional mute.

OOOoooWWWWwww!

OMG I eat too much and don’t move about enough!…..

Why didn’t I see this before?

The ability to put children on Pause, Mute or Standby. Just like the telly.

Avoid this bloody thing at all costs – The Scillonian III otherwise known as the “Great White Stomach Pump”

Never have I seen so many nauseous people concentrated in a single space. Stinks of puke / disinfectant.

If you ever go to the Isles of Scilly, go on the plane.

Don’t be tempted to confuse what you WANT with what you NEED.

You want….. Justice, revenge and a validation of your righteous indignation at being treated so shabbily….. and you are right to want all of these things but the reality is that getting them won’t provide you with what you actually NEED.

You need…… to maximise your chances of getting a new job in the same industry. Which means a reference and an honest assessment of why you didn’t “fit”.

You DON’T NEED…… Prospective employers hearing about how you threw a strop (no matter how well deserved) from your previous boss who is in the same industry and WILL eventually talk to each other.

You Dont need… new employers to remember you as “that guy from the paper who got sacked by text / and subsequently faked his own death / punched his boss / shat in a donut box etc”. Not Cool

You don’t need.. to have to explain in an interview why you’d prefer that they didn’t contact your previous workplace for a reference. No interviewer wants to hear that.

From this point on it should be about the new job. The old one is gone, just make sure that you get what you NEED on the way out.

Just call him and ask if the text is correct, if it is ask him to send you a letter so at least you’ve something in writing for when you sign on the following Monday. Also I’d check that he’s ok to do you a ‘so and so worked here’ type reference if/when needed.

This is the best advice thus far. Be the bigger man. You ain’t gonna keep you’re job, or get a better exit package.
Your best outcome will be achieved being uber-reasonable and getting honest feedback and the best written reference that you can on the way out the door. If you play it right you’ll be able to go back and work there in the future if you need to .(not that you’d want to)

this…

Horse rustling – Wishy style

This dude’s all about the Clubbin’

More importantly perchypanther, which boots?

because red is ALWAYS better….and so is snakeskin… and they were on sale in Decathlon for 9 actual quids.

Odd buying a pair now for something you don’t really like

Don’t like football much. Do however like my two sons. Quite a lot. Was standing like a dick watching them train and play. Might as well do something useful whilst i’m there anyway.

paying to get a proper job done

Kinda made your own point there :wink:

Is there an easy way to shift a copper pipe across a bit…like putting a slight kink/curve in one?

Not without making the pipe shorter.

If there are no issues with leaks / pressure drops I would leave well alone. Otherwise…. get an actual plumber.

Then the very next day they sent me home to get changed out of my Batman outfit. Can’t bloody win.

Still less embarrassing than dressing as a Top Gear presenter.
Brown cords and a flowery shirt. Indeed!

I know who you are. I know what you want. If you’re looking for an employee, I can tell you I don’t have a job… but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very short career at Uni. Skills that make me a dream for people like you.

When I worked a bar at T In The Park it was “juice”

So that’s what these crazy kids are calling ginger these days? Isn’t the constant evolution of language a delight? :lol:

Talking about humans like they’re insects is pretty shit.

….unless you’re Ant-Man. or Joe Bones, the Human Fly!

Can I have his membership? I’ve always wanted to be Scotlandish

Ye’ll need to pass a test first.

Q1. What is the correct generic term for Fizzy carbonated soft drinks of any flavour ?

a. “fizzy pop”
b. “you know, like lemonade and coke and that?”
c. “ginger”

Q2. What do you call the empty glass bottle which can be returned to the retailer for the return of a 20p cash deposit?

a. “a Gingie”
b. ” a Hector”
c. ” a Gless Cheque”
d. ” a Rammy”

Q3. What is the correct term to use when requesting a small sample of your friends beverage?

“C’moan mate, Gie’s a …..

a. Swally
b. Spilly
c. Slug

Q4. World’s best Ginger ?

a. Irn-Bru
b. Ba-Bru
c. Boatle a’ Bru

If you answered anything but c. for Q1 you’re bombed out.
All answers to Q2 ,Q3 and Q4 are acceptable…….’Mon in

The world’s greatest hangover cure. Directly from a chilled glass bottle.
Accept no substitutes.

Got a patriotic tear of nostalgia in my eye just thinkin’ aboot it….(sniff)

Afghanistan.
Azerbaijan.

Pi r squared?

Don’t think so…..

Pi r round! steak bake r squared.

IGMC

There is one football team in Britain (maybe the whole world)whose name is mentioned in the bible

I’ve always though Charlton Heston was quite athletic. Do I win Five pounds?

It’s not even a real transformer.

Isn’t it a tin of green undercoat?

Norwegian Elkhounds can smell game from over a mile away.

Handy if you need to trade in your xbox in Norway.

I’ll just wait for the repeats on Dave.

Anyone speak Chinese?

Go to China. There are millions and millions of folk there who’ll give it a go :D

Went through bouts of skin eruptions when each of my kids were babies and ickle toddlers.
Everytime i picked up a small child they would grab at my face with their grubby little baby hands (which they’ve been using as a substitute for feet amongst other things) and this extra dirt / bacteria payload combined with the whole tired / run down element of being a new parent overwhelmed my natural defences / face washing regime.

In retrospect I should have grown a beard as a defensive mechanism.

The single most volatile and explosive substance known to man is called Picolax 8O

perchy – you’re banned. That is an interesting fact. I looked it up.

Everything’s interesting to someone. Personally it bored the tits off me.

Our two year old is the spawn of the devil and does not like sleep

You are the Devil and I claim my five pounds.

Blackpool tower is built on foundations of cotton wool

The fabric ones look significantly less aero, can anyone confirm this? I often see them flapping like hell down the motorway which seems as if it would be noisy.

Only if you’re dumbass enough to leave them half empty.
Fill the Aldi dry bags = fill the box = MOAR AERO! = more room in the car.

I can absolutely confirm that, despite it’s advancing years, my soft box has never flapped as I always ensure that it’s adequately stuffed. :wink:

Another +1 for the Thule Ranger 90. Had mine for 5 years for the annual trek to Cornwall and it’s been brilliant.

Storing a large plastic box for 50 weeks of the year is a PITA and when you’re on your holibobs you also need to either keep it on the car or find somewhere secure to store it when you’re there.
With the folding soft box this is not a problem.

In conjunction i’d also recommend Crane dry bags from Aldi at ten quid apiece. 4 of these fill a ranger 90 (almost) exactly. Makes loading and unloading the box a piece of piss.

Philps pasties in Hayle for a bone fide cornish variety

100% agree about the pasties…… Driving down overnight tonight to get some. Only 600 miles. Might stay for a couple of weeks and squeeze in a bit of a holiday while i’m there anyway. :D

Greggs / supermarket yum-yums are disgusting. It shows how low the once great bakeries of this green and pleasant land have come that a yum-yum should be considered good.

FTFY. We’re talking about actual bakers, right? :?

Yum Yums. Never has a baked good been more aptly named.

resulting in me hoovering up kids leftovers

This is what has piled the beef on for me. That and an overactive chippy gland.

I’ve got three kids who are like anorexic racing snakes coz’ they never finish their meals and I can’t bear to see food go to waste.

He see’s me coming in on his bike this morning, then proceeds to tell me he once had a ‘top of the range MTB’ with ’21 gears and everything’ and he was on the local dual carriageway doing 52mph

What speed were you doing on HIS bike?

People with their sat-nav in THE MIDDLE OF THE WINDSCREEN…….GET IN THE SEA!