The same way these two muppets did it….

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Million_Pound_Property_Experiment

Swallow a spider to catch the fly.

I don’t know why you’d swallow a fly.

Perhaps you’ll die?

Give me a tubby chef with a pony tail kicking ass on a US Navy ship anyday

“….I also cook!”. Classic 8)

Do Nandos accept PayPal?

The Telegraph Museum, Porthcurno – the most surprising attraction in Cornwall. Sounds dull as ditchwater, is absolutely fascinating. Brilliant for kids and adults alike, and it’s indoors (also just down the road from the Minack).

+1 for this. It’s been pissing down every time i’ve been.

Often wondered, kids and the poor aside, why people buy really cheap smartphones?

Because they fundamentally do the same stuff as really expensive ones? But cheaper?
I’ve had a Samsung Galaxy Ace 2 for nearly 3 years.
Phone calls. Yep.
Texts. Yep
Camera. Yep
Internet. Yep
Email. Yep
Music. Yep
Candy Crush. Yep.
Useful apps. Yep

What else would be worth me spending £600 to replace it with a new iphone?

Carbis bay.

went to the doc, got told he would like to send me for a colonoscopy

Oooooh! Picolax 8O

Probably belongs to a Graphic Designer.

with a beard.

I’m a Graphic Designer! Beardy, well travelled, dopey bird nickin’, flat ownin’, car drivin’, story tellin’, sex machine

FTFY – If only you’d been a personal trainer! 8)

hang overs last days

Hangovers are also considerably worsened when you get repeatedly poked in the ribs at 6:30 am on a Sunday morning by a six year old who wants to watch Spongebob Squarepants and demands breakfast. Avoid

Don’t mind actually. I’ve been forty (in my head) since I turned 18.

Now that my body is 43 it’s caught up with my cautious old man attitude to life.

I think that your forties is when you start to feel the massive pressure of insecurity lift from you a bit when you’ve had a chance to achieve some major milestones.

From the age of 13 through to about 40 life is an intense competition to pass exams, secure a place at university, find a job, get a relationship, build a career, buy a house, have kids.

Once these things have all come to pass you can take stock of yourself and sort of feel more confident in your own skin.

On the downside I haven’t been outdoors in the UK without a jacket since 1989.

You’ve got no chance mate.

All the graphic designers are down the pub stroking their beards and telling cool travel stories in order to hoover up all the fine young ladies. :wink:

Honesty is the worst policy

All of the the things that you say you want, need and desire are transitory.
Money gets spent, the first lustful rush of sexual desire wanes, possessions get lost, broken or worn out, good looks fade over time, beards get shaved, cars get scrapped….. the list goes on.

My advice to the OP is this…

Learn to cook…..and how to engage another human being in meaningful conversation. These two basic skills will vastly enhance your relationship credentials in a way that graphic design and self absorbed tales of beardy travel never could.

Then look for a lady who can cook and who is also able to hold up her end of a conversation.

Dinner is eternal. You’ll need to eat pretty much every day for the rest of your life. That’s something you have in common with everyone on the planet.
So why not do it to the best of your ability and in the company of someone who shares the same common interest and with whom you can share your thoughts.

You never know, you might get pudding.

I am partial to a nice soup, though – is there a site where you can get illicit Cullen Skink???

A brothel?

That’s an expansion joint to stop any movement of the building cracking the system.

I really don’t get it myself, as I don’t see how you can be married, probably with kids, and have..

a) the time
b) the energy
c) the inclination

Agree. If some lady off of the internet offered me super sex…..I’d have the soup. :oops:

Suppose there is a bit of damage, is it easily fixed by any competent builder

Yes, assuming they use the same materials

If there is a crack and water gets in, where does it go, does it damage the insulation

The grey foam insulation is probably EPS – expanded polystyrene – the same stuff they make cups out of. intrinsically water resistant. If it’s mineral fibre insulation (rockwool) its usually bound with resin which makes it water resistant.

Lastly, can you paint onto it?

If you use the right paint – depends on the individual system.
Shouldn’t need painting for at least ten years or so, although some systems can be susceptible to algae growing on the system – especially if the finish is white.

Pros:
Your house will be toasty warm in the winter and cooler in the rare hot days of summer.
Your energy bills will be substantially lower with the increased thermal resistance of the walls.
If done to a decent standard it will make your house look shiny and new.

Cons:

Thin coat acrylic insulated render systems can be susceptible to mechanical impact damage when kids kick footballs, hitting them with bins, propping ladders against the wall, etc. If it gets damaged and needs to be patched it will always be visible unless you recoat an entire elevation. Some systems can be reinforced at ground level to reduce this.

Given that you’re increasing the thickness of the external wall by more than 100mm then this will likely require alterations to the roofline. Fascia and soffits and guttering / downpipes may need altering.

The aluminium or PVC overcills can sound like the drummers at the Edinburgh tattoo when it rains if they are not fitted with sound deadening tape.

There is a load of disruption when the works are taking place. Scaffold / mess in the garden / inconvenience.

I’ve been directly involved in (literally) about a million square metres of this over the past 10 years including most of the high rise tower blocks in Glasgow.

Would I pay to have it done on my house? Yes. (but unfortunately the construction of my house precludes it.)

edit: For clarity, I’m not currently involved in installing this anywhere, so not trying to make a sale :-)

Then you’ll have another one and you’ll look back and laugh at how easy it was with just one..
And then another, and all of a sudden you just stop caring

….until the day you come home and the youngest one gleefully informs you that he’s finally lost his wobbly front tooth……..by embedding it in his older brothers scalp during a successful attempt to inflict a head wound.

Trust me, You WILL look back at those first days when they were tiny babies with a new-found appreciation of how easy it all turned out to be in the end. There is light at the end of the tunnel ……although, in the case of my 6 year old, that light is likely to be blue. and flashing.

#beardlove #yersistersjeans

“Rat onna stick! Sausage inna bun! Two for a penny but i’m cuttin’ me own throat.”

Shiteing a hedgehog.

Wife came home the other night and I was sitting in front of the fire, crying my eyes out.

“What’s wrong?” she said.

I replied, “I’m burning….”

5thElifant has it

Blue bits for me, the Red bits I wouldn’t live in.

You want to get a more up to date map. All the good red bits and the best orange bits are now yellow.

As a Scot, my nomination is – Scotlands midlands – Hamilton/wishaw/motherwell area. Grim.

As a Scot, anywhere else except here.

It might be a grim shitehole, but it’s my grim shitehole. Mon’ the Shire!

(edit) Most especially Prestwick. Elvis wouldny even get aff the plane FFS! :lol:

What sort of noise was it making?

I believe it was heard to remark, “I tawt I taw a puddy tat!” or some such.

Like this??….[/url]

3D Drogna?

Gronda Gronda Rangdo! Doogy rev.

So, does this mean that if a sitting MP from any other party chose to cross the floor and join the Labour benches that they would now also be automatically refused entry to the party? :?

Tweety pie?

Saw 2.

Saw 5…… but the sequels are never really as good as the originals. :lol:

Had same problem. Solved it with a Mk2 Galaxy, then this :

Now have an SMax.

Was literally in tears when I had to let my Pathfinder go after 7 years. Only car i’ve ever formed an emotional attachment to….despite the £500 tax bill every year and 24 MPG. Made me feel special every time I drove it.

“Deploy the tranquiliser sausage”

It’s going to take about six weeks. You can tax the new car straight away but you need to send both v5s to DVLA and they then send you a retention cert for the cherished number and a new v5 with the new number for the donor car and a new v5 in your name for the new car. You then need to send these back to the DVLA to transfer the number to the new car and they,’ll then provide you with a new v5 for the new car with the cherished number.
Used to take 20 mins at the local DVLA office now six bloody weeks. That’s progress in the 21st century.

Can you not limit the impact of the scoffers and looky-loo’s by going somewhere that other people go to exercise? Surely the context of where you bounce is important?
If I bounced out of my front door wearing those bad boys and bounded down the Main Street and round past Tesco and up the hiil past the Job Centre and Cash Convertors and various pubs and chemists, I’d expect to arrive back home with my dignity and clothing in shreds.
However, if I jumped in the car and drove twenty minutes to the local Country Park and boinged the 4 miles round the loch in the company of runners, dog walkers, roller bladers and bimbling cyclists then I suspect that the results would be substantially different and more supportive than abusive.

or, alternatively, get yersel one of these and ye’ll be grand :

….it’s the only way to be sure.

Also… No pudding for the Cat.

Dress Code Black????