Stunning brunette in a slinky red summer dress and long tanned legs

Was it this guy? Frank’s stunned a few fellas in his time 8O

I need a torch if I go at work. The toilets have a motion sensor activated light in a room with no windows.

Crucially, the sensors don’t work in the cubicles.

Which means that if you’re enjoying a leisurely “china cruise” and no one else comes in then, after about 5 minutes, all the bloody lights go out.

Praise Jebus for Candy Crush……..

Every evening I drive home from work, open the door at 5:45 , hang up my jacket, walk into the dining room and sit down at the head of table, surrounded by the adoring faces of my waiting children, at which point my wife appears from the kitchen and sits my dinner on the table in front of me.

Sounds idyllic doesn’t it?

Before anyone blows a gasket about how this sort of mysoginistic chauvinism should not be tolerated in the modern world let me explain………

If I DON’T arrive from work at exactly the right time and immediately bolt down my dinner, then whichever of the kids is due to be at football / music lessons / swimming / Boys Brigade / Girls Brigade will be late and, crucially, it will be ALL MY FAULT! Domestic bollocking ensues.

The carefully timed routine of kids activities / baths / stories / brushing teeth etc. MUST NOT be disrupted.

I’m a victim of the system, yer honner!

Spent yesterday at Kirroughtree with a helmet rubbing on the bites.

At least you don’t have bites rubbing on yer helmet. :oops:

bored at work

Here goes the rest of Friday…..

You’re welcome.

BMW Drivers!!!!

Apparently it’s the passengers who are the interesting ones..

It’s a Flugelbinder and I claim my five pounds.

rope trick still played around here sometimes – have passed kids going through the motions a few times..

I hope that you screeched the car to a halt, wound down the window and shook your fist angrily……the little bleeders have gone to the effort, it’d be wrong not to play your part. :D

For that amount, no. I would be very certain of what I want though before seeking estimates. It’s changes of mind that cost money…

Absolutely this. If your going to spend your hard earned cash to buy some professional expertise for this kind of project then it’ll be much better spent on drawings and spec rather than QS fees.
I am a QS and the reality is that unless your drawings / specifications are detailed then the QS will be using a series of tools and techniques to guess at the value of the works.
If you get decent info to give to contractors for quotes, you’ll have a much better chance of getting accurate / like for like quotes to allow you get best value from the market place.
As a contractors QS there is nothing worse than getting a job to price with no info. The general response to this is to price a load of design risk or bang in a load of qualifications to the price.
In summary – Get the best info you can up front and market forces will price the job for you. Then stick to what you’ve agreed. Variations are how contractors make money.

sleeping pills in meat over the fence??

Deploy the Tranquilliser Sausage!

When I was at high school, any unfortunate teenage lad who had the misfortune to be afflicted by an unexpected and inappropriate erection in the showers during P.E was forever labelled with the shameful moniker of “Ping”.
There were several Pings at my school including some older lad called Neil who is still , to this day, called Nelly Ping.

Look out for the lidl and aldi offerings, they are around the £3 mark.

+1 for aldi. £6 for the wireless one. Gnargain.

My six year old son , Alastair, is called “Bongo”.

My fault.

I’ve occasionally called him Ali Bongo since he was a baby and his mates have heard it and its stuck.

Anybody I meet who is “rockin'” the hipster style beard automatically assumes the nickname “Chewie”

Can I vote for The Stone Roses

No. You can’t. How very dare you. :?

If he had brakes on his bike, he might not need a helmet so much.

Clearly, he’s riding a Strika…..with a coaster brake. 8)

One of my favourites was to get a mate, stand on the pavement on opposite sides of the road and pretend to take the strain on an invisible rope stretched across the road between us. The challenge was to see who would bolt first when a car stopped.

or…. get an old purse of your mum’s , tie some fishing line to it and leave it on the pavement at the bus stop whilst concealed behind a hedge. When someone bends down to pick it up, you yank it away. 70’s entertainment at its finest.

The thing is, I think going away and studying music and getting competent / proficient was what ruined them.

Unlike these Dudes……STATION!

I’m with Dennis……..

Just a thought on those that don’t like Pink Floyd, were you listening in the right frame of mind, if you get what I mean?

…like “Dave Gilmour looks like he needs a new Ferrari…” sort of thing? :roll:

AC/DC – True about Brian except that Back in Black and Thunderstruck are two of the best rock tracks ever.

…imagine how much better they would be if they were sung rather than bawled.

To conceal the shame of Premature Kojakulation. 8O

I worked with a guy called Donny who had the worst mouthful of teeth you’ve ever seen.

He was known as “Donny Summer”.

Summer white, summer black, summer crooked, summer broken ….

It’s not unknown north of the border for blokes with the surname Ritchie to be lumbered with the nickname “Mabozza”.

So stoked this morning ,I totally owned my commute .

With bombers?

Pink Floyd – I’ve tried to like them. I really have. They just leave me cold. I always come away with the impression that the only people who really like Pink Floyd are Pink Floyd and their accountants.Everyone else must be faking it.

AC/DC – Are the worlds most awesome rock band……..right up until the point where Brian Johnson opens his mouth. I can’t abide shouty singers.

The Smiths – self indulgent moany toss.

Bombers.

Owning : for the purpose of.

Don’t know about dapper men but I’m wearing these – the sole’s a bit squeaky on hard floors though.
Next – Tan Chukka boot

Went for a job interview just before my first child was born. The commute was, on average, an hour and a quarter each way. The money on offer was below the industry standard.

Me: “What are the working hours?”

Interviewer : “9 to 5….”

Me: “That’s fine.”

Interviewer : “… but here at (Name of Company redacted) we like to work hard and play hard. We’re all here by seven in the morning and usually we start to pack up for the day about half six or seven in the evening”

Me: ” That doesn’t really work for me. I need to get home to my pregnant wife”

Int: ” But, we need to make sure that you’ll be able to keep up with the same volume of work as everyone else.

Me: ” Do you pay overtime?”

Int: “No”

Me: ” Thanks for your time”. Exits stage left pursued by a bear.

The company in question have a reputation in the industry for burning out people within a year and the only people who’ll work for them are those who are desperate for work.

Holcombe Moor Commoners Association

Altogether now….

” It’s fun to fight with the H…..M…..C…A….” 8)

Can I exercise my kestrel on your tip?

Proper Bo’ I tells thee…….

I’m just saying that, for the most part, there is a “type” who mountain bikes. And that “type” just happens to be part of the luckiest and smuggest group of people to ever walk the face of the planet.

“Yes! Yes, we are…….” said perchypanther smugly.

We ain’t grassin’….. you won’t find no narks here.

Gnarrrks maybe…… :wink:

The Bad

A couple of weeks before we were riding a twisting section cue prat on bike, barely wide enough for 2 bikes, pushes past my 6 year old and causes her to fall. His girlfriend who also passes stops, not a word in communication from him before nudgng past, he stops at the bottom of the hill, I think me looking like I was going to smash him over the head with his bike may of helped. Its not as if this was a red or advanced trail just some prat trying to prove he is king of the MTB on a baby trail.

…Gnarsehole

Chappie

I think you’ve got a very cynical, and inaccurate, take on the world fella.

Cynical? Oh yes. Very much so.
Inaccurate? Maybe not so much.
Fella? At least for now. :oops:

With the greatest of respect, that is absolute utter and complete cobblers! I was only saying the other day that my kids have spent their summer holidays doing pretty much exactly what I did 30 odd years ago. The only notable difference is that when they do eventually emerge from the woods at the end of the day, caked in mud from climbing trees, building dens etc with their mates – apparently ‘the constant source of entertainment like that they feel fundamentally entitled too’ – they’ve a few more TV channels to watch, or they jump around to Just Dance on the Wii, which I suppose is a step up from playing Jetpack Willy on a ZX Sprectrum

I wasn’t talking about your kids specifically but rather modern kids in general.
If your kids are not influenced by society / TV / internet / their mates at school who are constantly pressuring them to have Instagram and Facebook and the latest trainers and designer clothes then you are fortunate indeed.
For every kid amusing themselves by building a den in the woods there are hundreds more whose first question when they go anywhere is “Is there WiFi?”
I truly wish it were otherwise but this is the constant battle that I and countless other parents face.
As I said… give them what they NEED rather than what they WANT.
Doesn’t stop them wanting it though.

This is BS to fit an agenda/world view that it’s all going to shit and wasn’t it so much better when life was simpler.

Quite the opposite. In retrospect my childhood was pretty grim. My parents pretty much didn’t give a rat’s arse where I was or what I was doing most of the time. As long as I made it home alive, before dark and unaccompanied by the constabulary then, as far as the were concerned, everything was cool. They didn’t particularly care if I did well at school or not. You were either naturally “brainy”, like I was, and did well. Or not. Like my older brother.
I didn’t sit my arse on an aeroplane until I was old enough to pay for my own ticket.

Meanwhile my parents were smoking 60 fags a day each and worrying about their own problems.

They weren’t abusive or even neglectful. They were just normal, working class, council scheme Scottish parents.

So I call BS on you. It’s not all going to shit. My kids have a “life of unimaginable privelege”…. because I have worked extremely hard to make it so.
Life was NOT simpler. It was just less exciting.

Or is it materially harder now? Pressure to buy the right things, childcare costs, spend time with kids instead of working etc.

Yes, I’d say it’s much harder now than it was for my parents.

Childhood in the 70’s / 80’s was fundamentally an expectation of constant boredom interspersed with whatever excitement and / or entertainment you could conjure up for yourself. Parents weren’t expected to do much more than provide for your basic survival with the occasional treat thrown in for good behaviour. Let’s describe this parenting model as ” Giving your child everything that they NEED”

Children today operate with a rock solid belief that they have a fundamental right to be constantly entertained and stimulated. Boredom is like a horrible affliction that happens to them and is borderline abusive. Society has imbued our children with such a sense of entitlement that they simply cannot see the real truth. That they live a life of unimaginable privilege. This parenting model is called “Trying to give your child everything that they WANT”

The problem is compounded by the fact that kids quite often don’t understand that a lot of the stuff that they need isn’t what they want and vice versa.

If you can give them all of the stuff that they need you’ll do OK. I’d say this include parents who try to love each other and do whatever’s required to make it work.

where did Jamie go?

Down a helter skelter into Cuckoo Land? Bloody magic torches…..