That all sounds very, very familiar Malvern rider. I had my moment of clarity over 10 years ago, and have spent most of that time thinking I was somewhere on the Autism spectrum, after being assessed for that, they suggested that it was more likely to be ADD/ADHD and referred me to that service.
During that time I have also been on and off anti-depressants, currently off, and from what I’ve read it seems that those drugs are not best suited for someone with ADD/ADHD. While I would prefer to not be taking any medications, I would like to know what options are available. Although,I don’t know what else you have going on in your life, if you were assessed and it was confirmed, there might be some help offered that you would like to take up, if you are not assessed then you’ll never know. It can’t change the past, but could make the future better.
So yes, I do see pill popping as a sticking plaster too, but right now I could do with some help and, yes, it sucks, big time, fat one.