I lost 3 family members 3 years in a row, the last person being 16 years ago. The biggest issue for me was I didn’t know what to do, what to say, how to feel about it all, how to make any sense of it all. I either felt numb and nothing or I was full of anxiety.
It created a lot of issues and anxiety for me. I had CBT (which helped) and eventually I paid for counselling as the waiting list was too long, the whole talking and saying it all out loud to someone I didn’t know helped a lot. I didn’t realise how much I had ignored and buried my thoughts and feelings, looking back I spent a lot of the sessions just letting it all out…
During the counselling things got a lot worse before they started to get better, but they did get better. I still have bad times and bad days, just not as often and not as intense.
I started to understand that keeping it all inside was doing nothing good, but talking was doing something a little more positive….talking does help even if you don’t want to say all that much….
All the best.