As a genuine driving God, I feel no need to contribute to this thread.

:D

I had a student (aged about 40) ring me up to complain that her friend had got a better grade in GCSE science than she had.

Thief!

THIEF!!!!

*sharpens pitchfork*

Gammon, pease pudding and beetroot sandwiches.

I read this thread a few times. I really don’t know what to say, but I hope to god that you beat this.

Thinking of you and yours.

If you wish to completely remove the jockey wheel from your trailer (that you built yourself recently) quickly and easily, simply follow the steps below:

1. Allow mother to drive car and trailer up the (steep) drive.

2. Watch your father remind your mother that due to the weight of the large full trailer, she will need to keep the revs relatively high.

3. Stand back and watch as your mother guns the whole lot up the drive at about 50 mph, bouncing the trailer about 4 ft into the air after smashing the jockey wheel off onto the (lowered) kerb.

4. Listen in admiration tho your father’s extremely impressive vocabulary.

:-)

A lot of managers in large organisations, who have been promoted far beyond their level of competence.

Yes, I do work for a large organisation….

Oh, and one of the delivery drivers from City Pizza.

I recently supported a teenage girl in getting her abuser put in jail for a very long time. I think that probably comes under the heading of opposing evil.

I also strenuously opposed the (evil) cat’s evil plan to eat my chinese takeaway this evening.

Live in Swaledale.

100% of my socks appear to have holes in them.

PS, don’t forget the humble fish finger sarnie. Mmmmmmmmm.

Bugger. I have no bread and no sausages :-(

I see your point.

He would want Word and Excel for definite and probably access. The web surfing and e-mails would be secondary to the convenience of having a very small computer to take around.

He would definitely want the full MS software package.

Invest in a huge stock-pot. You can batch cook 10 servings of chili / bolognese etc, and then freeze them in individual or 2 person sizrd portions.

FWIW I can cook 14 servings of chili for about a tenner.

Aaaaargh! I don’t know – I’m a total luddite!

A tablet I think

Still, if vampires were real, I’d want to look like him:

I’d quite like you to look like him too…..

Bacon, brie, and spicy mango chutney sarnies. Yum!

Ohhh, lots of things that I am excrutiatingly ashamed of. Lokking back, I was a fairly vile child / teenager / young adult :(

Best Crop Circle ever:

Graham Chapman

My favourites are the people who rant about “illegal immigrants living here on benefits”.

Cue facepalm….

Hired a cruiser for a week on the Norfolk Broads a few years ago, and it was possibly the best holiday we’ve ever had. Expensive, but wonderful.

I cannot recommend it highly enough.

The OH’s New Year Resolution is to have more sex, so I suppose that I’s better make it mine too – otherwise we may have a problem!

Not since John Smith died.

Kryton, you are me, and I claim my £5.00!

Get a new job.

Roast beef is the king of dishes. So much so that my only complaint about the lovely Christmas that I had is that I was utterly disappointed to discover that we were having turkey for dinner not beef. In fact, disappointed doesn’t even begin to describe it!

menopausal female with the spatial awareness of a small insect

I don’t usually take such obvious bait, but that description could easily be exchanged for “Male mid life crisis knob head who wants to wave his massive cock extension around”

OP, that was a totally stupid thing to do.

I would have done exactly the same!

Currently eating a green chilli and jalapeno pizza with mayonnaise.

Hmmm.

I understand every word in all the above posts, but I have absolutely no idea what they mean.

I’m going to have such fun when we get a new telly….

Ro5ey wins! Fantastic news and a great present indeed!

+1 :D

My text notification tone (minions)

Waking up at the weekend snuggled up to the OH, with a cat curled round my neck

Clean bedclothes after a long hot bath

Mmmmm….

*goes off to change the bedding, and run a bath*

We had an absolutely lovely Christmas :D

I don’t have in-laws, as the OH’s mother is long dead, and the father is a complete piece of dog turd so we have no contact with him ever.

We go to my parents, but fortunately they are brilliant – the OH always insists that we stay the night there, so I guess they make pretty good in-laws :D

Books, lovely books!

A blu-ray player (see crap presents thread LOL)

Lots of other lovely things.

Oh – and a large envelope full of money (which is going to be turned into a new TV)

And, best of all, a lovely day with the OH and My Parents :D

Mr Mule gave me a blu-ray player.

Under most circumstances this would be a brilliant present. Unfortunately it didn’t work quite as well as it could have done, because I gave him a blu-ray player too.

Great minds eh! :lol:

Tonight I am drinking water and orange juice and fruit tea. And Co-codamol.

I am also seriously regretting putting away the best part of a bottle of Laphroaig last night (well, last night/this morning….)

Timing – appalling.
Method – disgraceful.

OP – she sounds like a real piece of work. I can’t believe that somebody would do that.

Take care of yourself and Spacemonkey Junior.