Sybil Fawlty: “Basil! You know what will happen if you don’t get that picture hung up this afternoon”

Basil: “You’ll have to nail them back on first”

Anyone opened a book yet on how soon the OP will have become the proud owner of a kitten? :-)

Friends of mine had a similar issue. Their next door neighbout was up to the same, and shot a pigeon when it was in a tree in their garden. When it fell out of the tree they went to retieve it only to find that the incompetent tit had failed to kill it – but had shattered it’s wing. Since it had no hope of survival, friend necked it – but a little too hard and accidentally pulled it’s head off.

Anyway, they popped round to the next door neighbour’s house, thrust the two bits of pigeon in to his slightly horrified hands and said “here you go – we thought you would like your illegally shot pigeon back”

That seemed to end the problem.

HUZZAH! :-)

One might suggest she smokes the cigarette, rather than eating it… After she has eaten one and drank her first cup of tea post-work.

It depends how desperate I am she is…..

The most important one in our house is No Arguments Before One Of Us Goes To Work (we work different hours).

It’s a good rule.

Other rules include:
Always look carefully before you sit (black furniture and black cats)
Do not leave anything even remotely edible out (cat Mk I will eat it)
The person with the Y chromosome must have the remote control to any appliance a minimum distance of 6 inches from himself at all times
The person with the two X chromosomes should on no account be approached about anything on her return from work until at least one cup of tea and one cigarette have been consumed

@mightymule – what on earth happened to the cat in that instance?!

The evil contrary little shit was absolutely fine, and is still the best rat exterminator I have ever known!

Our cats have jobs. They just don’t do them….

Evil Black Cat Mk I once ate half a chicken kebab (including pitta and salad), that had been liberally coated with three dessertspoons of Dave’s Insanity Ghost Chilli Sauce (also useful for degreasing carburettors).

His liter tray the next morning is something that I will not forget for a very very long time. I ended up having to pinch a surgical mask to wear while cleaning it out (and still gipped constantly)

Any news yet?

Is anybody else now recalling the Mythbusters episode when they tested exactly what happens when shit really does hit a fan?

No need to youtube it – just pop over to the OP’s house in a few hours…. :-D

Please bear in mind that dogs and cats may be more resistant to salmonella than humans but they are NOT immune. Also, please slap anyoe who tells you that ther are immune to it.

Re coil packs on bimmers – I had three go on my old one. Simple solution – always keep a spare in the boot (cost about £17 trade), and the AA will fit it for free.

Students with poor handwriting can use a word processor in an exam, or have a scribe or transcript.
Students wirh dyslexia can have 25% extra time (up to 100% extra at the exam board’s discretion) and/or coloured paper, and/or a reader to read the questions to them.
Students with anxiety, ADHD or about a million other reasons can sit their exam in a seperate room. Those with ADHD can also have a prompt.
Students can have a seperate room with music playing.
Students who have lived in Britain for less than 3 years can have 25% extra time and a bilingual dictionary.
There are many, many more access arrangements available.

Allowing students the chance to sit their exams when they are not fasting doesn’t really seem like excessive pandering in comparirson to the special arrangements that other students can have.

NB – before anyone asks where I got that information from, I am an exams officer.

By coincidence, at half past three this afternoon I got promoted from “supervisor” to “senior manager”

Sipping bubbly as I type….. :-)

Underpants from my maternal grandmother.

I could have gone camping and used them as a tent.

I feel for you all!

We stayed at my parents overnight on Chrristmas day (thay doesn’t really make sense…), so it’s Mr Mule who has to tolerate the in-laws. Fortunately he loves them as much as I do.

There was a very touching moment this year when Mr Mule (who has disowned his own father – for good reasons), had a few drinks, forgot himself, and started calling Mr Mule Senior “Dad” – totally spontaneously.

I nearly shed a tear :-)

One year a friend gave me a 12″ single…… of her boyfriend’s crappy band. I was underwhelmed to say the least!

I’m surprised nobody has blamed gay marriage yet…

On a more serious note, Mr Mule Senior was (now retired) an architect, and sat on the planning advisory panel for the local council for several years until he got fed up with spending pretty much every meeting saying “Why in the name of **** do you persist in building on floodplains you bungle****s”

(I may have paraphrased… but not by much)

Aysgarth (AKA Black Cat MkII, AKA Retard Cat) has spent eight years so far chasing his own feet, and still hasn’t managed to catch them. He poses very litle threat to anything that is brighter than yeast. However he did recently present me with some breakfast that he had caught for me. It was a small wholemeal bread roll.
That was the point at which Nails (AKA Evil Black Cat MkI) decided to disown him :D

Borrowed OH’s car.

Crashed OH’s car.

Into my mother’s car.

I still get reminded about it :oops:

Loads of great stuff, including Monty Python T shirt, cds, Gautier perfume…

Unfortunately, I didn’t get any eye bleach. Although to be fair, I didn’t realise I needed any until I opened this thread……

:wink:

Sky Plussed for later viewing pleasure :D

(OH is working)

“I’m going to the loo, does anybody want anything fetching?”

Surprisingly, nobody did.

While making a sherry trifle, I thought to myself “this doesn’t seem to smell like I remember sherry trifle smelling”

This was followed by much swearing as I realised that I’d poured half a bottle of wine in it, instead of sherry.

BMW 3 series.

Emergency flag – for in case somebody covers the cat in sudocrem.

Pairs of trainers

Pillows

Cats

Biological parents

Birthday fortnight holiday in October :-)

Counting down the days!

Jane’s Addiction – “Nothing’s Shocking”

Missed this post the first time round.
Fingers crossed for you all. Keep your chin up Dude.

One of the cats threw up in the kitchen last night and I trod in it this morning. WITH BARE FEET.

Good luck OP

Have you tried Cortaflex? It worked wonders for the Mule, and they do a canine version.

Acting it out is a possibility I have to consider…

Frankly I am disappointed that you haven’t already done so.

The good guy and the bad guy inexplicably fail to be able to kill one another with all their hi-tec and/or heavy duty weaponry, and it will inevitably come down to long drawn out and cathartic unarmed fight between the two, in which the good guy will be beaten to within an inch of his life but then miraculously rally round and win.

Holiday cottage. Yorkshire Dales. Job sorted.

And split the chores 50/50 you idle sod!

Sent Mr Mule Senior a “Happy Daddy Day” text.Which will undoubtedly surprise him as he will have no idea that it’s father’s day :lol:

Neither of Mr Mule’s kids appear to have bothered to get in touch with him :evil:

There ate times when I wish it was possible to unsee things :|

Fingers crossed mate

Hurrah :-)