I am on my own again, have been for many years. No parental family, no offspring, no partner. I tend to feel worse if I visit friends as most of the time they only offer out of obligation or kindness and would rather just be with their own immediate families, so its more depressing to visit than to be alone, as I just feel in the way all the time. Shame as I really love the absurdity of Christmas.

In years when the weather has been OK, I have taken the bike for a ride around places that are usually very busy and crowded, but empty on xmas morning/day. Its weird, like some aliens have stolen everyone, but gives a definite 'high' for some reason.

If they are so useless, why do hotels bother to supply them? Or does it just look good on the star rating?

I think he is around 6'1" tall.

"I am sorry I am so late for your lesson [45 mins], would you like to come and see my geese as we don't have time to fit the lesson in now?"

It was not an attempt to pull, he really did have geese he was very proud of. We parted company not long after, because he told me off for stopping 'too fast' on an emergency stop! It was the final straw.

After a while, I found they declined on my tree if just left there so I would try to use them fresh within a reasonable time of them 1st ripening. Picking them will also encourage it flower again.

I had just assumed this was produced by the Cycling Plus people splitting the content of cycling plus up, as a way of getting folks to buy 2 magazines a month from them instead of 1. Am I mistaken then?

I must admit my bike magazine purchases have dropped like a stone the last few months, as there is only so much people can say about cycling, before writing in a circle and I have got to that 'reading point'.

Oh joy, another sad git trying to feel better about themselves by picking on other people.

If you go down the multivits route, keep aware of how you feel. I have taken multivits (one a day) on 3 different occasions and each time I had to stop after 2 or 3 weeks as I started feeling 'not right' and then ill. I know another person who found this too. I will never take them again unless told to by a medic. I presume I was overdosing on something in them or allergic, though I used different brands to try this out and it made no difference.

Virgin-Zavvi-Head transfers – I see the local Head has a closing down sale on, so they are dying too by the look of it. Most CDs under £5. Oddly a large area of stock has become a whole load of porn DVDs (they must had done some mass purchase somewhere).

I got it in my late 20's, as did a load of adults where I work. I had hardly any problems with it at all, other than the spots existing and was given no medication, just a sick note. When I got back to work everyone was saying what a bad illness they had. I wondered if having an electric blanket and keeping it on high solved a lot of the symptoms for me, as I was fine while in bed, normal, only trips to the loo etc the first couple of days were less fun, but that of course was away from the heat.

Maybe they paid out and he spent the money on something he does not want to admit to?

Loads of people seem to have had that lately where I work. Collegue had it for several weeks and is now careful what she wears on her feet and how often, as she does not want to trigger it again.

The lack of christmas decorations in shops and lights in the streets this year is disappointing, but then I love that stuff.

Last year (before the recession got this bad!) a John Lewis staff member told me they had been told the chain was on such tight margins that they might not get ANY christmas decorations for the shops at all in 2008, as a cost cutting measure. Already during the summer of 2008 all the ceiling banners advertising products had been stopped. The staff had been told if things were not cut back in these small ways, they would have to start laying off staff.

The decorations look nice in there this year but now I am very aware that low levels of decorations in any shop could mean big financial issues, in fact I am more aware of shop 'upkeep' all year round now, so I was not surprised when Borders went down as there were lots of signs of financial desperation in thier shops.

I wondered what the field of vision is, given they are trying to phase out bendy buses as being too long and a hazard to cyclists.

Having seen the multiple expensive houses etc that modern Labour politicians own (it used to be expected more from members of the political parties of the rich) I find myself wondering where a lot of thier money is coming from? It cant all be from expenses claims, there must be other huge sources of money.

No wonder there is no political representation for poor people, most of new Labour have solid gold spoons in thier mouths.

I am not saying suicide is a good option and I certainly don't recommend it, but

"It is also one of the most selfish acts known to man. I also never want to feel the desperation and isolation that these people may find themselves in."

is not a very nice comment. You could just as easily say that it is utterly selfish of friends and family to demand a desperatly unhappy or physically ill person continue to live, becasue they put thier own needs to feel good/avoid guilt far above the suffering of the ill person.

If you have been fortunate enough to never feel a huge degree of desperation and isolation I dont see how you can so easily critisise someone wanting misery to stop. Unfortuantely not everyone can be 'fixed' by medication, though its obviously worth a try before taking a bigger step.

People have a right to choose to exist or not. Its the most basic right anyone has. I also think friends and relatives should not feel a sense of guilt – sometimes life is not much fun and you cant change that for someone else, however much you wish you could. Its not your fault. At least the loved person is not hurt/unhappy/in pain anymore.

No offence to docs, but they are not exactly short of pay, since the new contracts.

"I'm not aware of any other job where you are just expected to take on extra work for no financial recompense."

Try checking local government posts and education establishments posts over the last 10 years or so. Where I work, people on £15,000 per annum, no paid overtime, no perks are now expected to do the work formerly attached to posts where the pay is £30,000 and upwards. At one time, if they were caught helping out with it, they got a bollocking for getting above themselves! I am sure loads of people can cite rubbish pay for long hard hours, extra demands and high stress.

I read some place fairly recently (sorry cant remember where) that for many men, being a Freemason gradually takes on the role, seriousness and emotional place of a formal religion – with a sense of congregation, ceremony, communal commitment to a belief/way of life. It becomes thier belief system, say the way deep rooted Catholics have a belief framework and a need to attend services.

I thought that was a bit scary, but I have no idea if the writer was correct or not.

Years ago I was told no one got promoted in the local gov planning dept though, unless they were 'one of the boys'. The woman I knew there said she had not a chance in hell of ever getting promotion, though in the article mentioned above, I think they said there was some sort of womens lodge in some towns.

You don't have to sit at your desk doing nothing. Go out for a walk. Its exercise, its a break from work and its not damaging.

Why punish children for the belief/values of their parents? It is beyond the child's choice or control so why take it out on them? Is doing that any kinder than avoiding people because of their race?

How can children of racist parents get alternative views of life if they are treated like lepers themselves?

It sounds like you might both have Bromptons? If so, swap bikes for a bit and see if its a technical issue specific to one bike. Could also be the route that bike travels on. Some routes are plastered in broken glass etc.

skiprat have you been checked for allergy to aspirin – my friend gets random tongue swelling and it turns out she is sensitive so some natural aspirin product that's found in many common vegetables and fruit.

I can smell you guys from here!

How well/long have you known this guy? Do his friends find him trustworthy and reliable? Does he flit from job to job or person to person without any concern or is he a constant sort of person? I would consider his history and what people think of him as a friend / collegue when considering how much to believe the picture he is painting and how realistic it might or might not be.

But whatever you choose, be sure you can feel comfortable looking yourself in the mirror in the months to come. How you see yourself is very important to future comfort.

Yes! my idea is don't make promises to people if you can't be bothered to keep them.

Inviting a load of people to an event, getting them to make a load of effort spending money, time and effort to dress in costume and then turning round and saying "its off (because I could not be bothered to spend any money myself, even if you have, or make any effort at all myself for that matter) so all your efforts are wasted" is pretty rubbish and selfish, particularly if you are letting down young kids.

I hope you feel bad, cos you deserve to.

If you are any good at hobbies, you could make her something, even if its just a christmas card. Evidence of significan personal effort in obtaining or making a gift always looks good.

Tickets to a music event as a surprise.

Take her to someplace she can dress up – meal, theatre

Day trip or weekend to some city (maybe include voucher for her favorite fashion or music shop?).

Take a look though the web sites for those 'special event / red letter days' for ideas.

Listen to what she mentions a lot and buy something related to it or something she has pointed out as 'nice'. Lots of people inadvertently give 'gift clues' all year round. Try to remember them as they are useful bits of info to have!

Take her on a road based bike ride as many people find that less intimidating than off road – maybe bike to a birthday treat or event.

Jewellery is always good and has a big price range.

All I can think of right now.

Rob, do you know anything at all about the person you are trying to buy a present for?

It would help us all out if you told us at least something about her age, interests or hobbies. If you know nothing about her (if you are doing something secret santa for example), something scented for the bath is traditional or a gift voucher for John Lewis, Boots etc.

They do merino wool ones now – they feel very nice.

Try the buffwear website for decent patterns – the ones in the shops are usually ugly rubbish designs in comparison. Some of those stocked by Blacks camping etc as so awful I am surprised they ever sell any at all.

I wonder if breach of trust is not a big issue here and what are suitable privacy boundaries? Were the others aware of the blog before this event, and the personal level of posting, that they might be included?

There is quite a lot of info about the other people present and anyone who is friends with this largish group can probabaly guess who was in attendance. I think if I had been one of the guests I would be unhappy about discussing anything openly with you or your partner from now on. I would not know how much of my own details would be publically posted / critised, because to me it does look critical of your friends choices in child rearing. It reads as if written by someone who feels a little superior and self rightous, but who is lacking in confidence. There are a lot of clingy statements, making her sound overdependent on her child and also childlike wording such as "other new mummies" and both of these would make me question her maturity of outlook – so just going from the single example post I would find it hard to trust her to judge what it is appropriate to extract and post from private conversations. But I dont know your partner or her personality and what you have quoted is out of any other context, so may be very misleading.

I thought this months was very disappointing in content. A couple of group reviews, but other than that, a bit unimaginative and dreary. Usually I enjoy reading it. Hope next months is better.

"she's not getting to see our boys as much as she'd like due to the hours she's working."

It might not actually be about this. Maybe she is feeling run down, or taken for granted by her family or work collegues? Maybe there is some problem at work and she does not like to say what, so was leading up to it indirectly by indicating she would rather be somewhere else other than work? Does she do shifts and she is finding it disruptive – some people never manage to cope with the physical aspects of working odd hours.

I think perhaps she wanted you to ask what is wrong, because at least that would show care and concern. I am not saying either of you is right or wrong, just that there is likely to be a lot more to it than how many hours she spends with the kids. Does she have a friend or family member you can ask for info from? If she is bursting into tears and then getting either sulky or angry, there is clearly, to her at least, a deep felt and significant issue here. You need to sort it, as this sort of thing is how breakups start – one member of the partnership not feeling 'understood' and both failing to communicate sucessfully about what is going wrong, or worse, pretending nothing is going wrong until it is way too late to fix.

I think the torpedo sinking of a passenger liner off the coast of Ireland also forced the hand of the americans in joining the war. I cant remember the name of the liner though.

I must have tough skin as I dont get itching from merino 🙂

Thanks Womble, nice of you to assist and you have helped.

I have to sign off now, will check to see if anyone posts anything else helpful sometime over the weekend.

This thread has been quite helpful, so thanks to everyone so far. Whatever the background or reasons, I think I just feel sad I have lost someone I really cared about, probabally forever.
Bit of a bummer.

Well, most people drink so I cant really answer that one, but yes street drugs were involved in the past. I got the impression it reduced as depression lifted and I think it was used becasue of low self esteem as well as depression. I have no idea of the position over say the last year as its not really right to say 'and what are you on now' as its not like it helps to ask.

Tandem, I dont think they want the door kept open, sadly. I cant see them ever wanting to associate with me again. My ex friend is deeply stubborn in personlity (we are alike) and I suspect once a door is shut, it is bolted and then welded closed. They said once it was only my stubborness that stopped me giving up on them when they hit a bad phase. Actually, I had just thought they were worth the effort and the stubborness just helped.

Steve, thank you for your post. I found it quite touching as well as having useful info in.

Kramer, yes I dont expect perfect diagnosis, as whatever I write here is of course coloured by my own personality and (mis)perceptions. Also I cannot write out every detail of recent history. I was looking more for a 'yes, its one of the possiblities' or a 'no that does not fit bi-polar in any way'.

I dont know if I made them feel rejected, it is a good question – they would never have been interested in me romantically so I would have thought they would have felt releived that I was looking for a friend not a lover. My friend is dating someone, so they are not on thier own. It does cross my mind that now they are dating someone they might not need a 'support service' from me anymore, but I dont know if thats fair or not, or if that is only a red herring to friendship breakdown that would be there anyway.

We have no mutual friends it would be appropriate for me to approach as we met via employment a very long time before we became friends. Also given the refusal of contact, I dont think it would be right for me to try, as it is not appropriate in this particular situation to be so invasive when someone has said basically that they want nothing else to do with me.

The person is in thier 30's but has experienced large mood swings over extended time periods since thier teens. I am a few years older than they are.

I refer to them as 'they' as I do not wish thier privacy to be invaded, or for them to be identified as an individual. I have tried to hide the sex of my friend by using 'they' as part of trying to be relatively discreet.

I am sympathetic if they are ill. I do feel worried/sad I have contributed to this situation in ways I did not comprehend enough at the time – but I am not a psychologist, just a person and I am a flawed person at that. It is difficult to negotiate with someone if they won't tell you what is wrong and keep saying 'no rules, no rules' if you offer to agree to boundaries they seem to have wanted in the first place. My friend can be extreme in thier view – one of thier statements right at the beginning was "you must not say nice things about me, no one is allowed to".

They have every right to withdraw from an association with me. I was happy to look at any misunderstandings or any behaviour deemed 'bad' that I might have done and review the whole set up etc even if it meant lots less contact, but when I tried to obtain information on what I had done wrong and negotiate they kept falling back on avoiding me becasue they thought I fancied them and saying they were not prepared to discuss anything even slightly 'in the past'. I have really loved them for thier friendship, but nothing more.

I might have tried to sit it out, as it is not thier fault if they do turn out to actually be ill rather than the range of alternatives ie that I am not likeable, but if someone wants nothing to do with me, I have no alternative but to loose contact. I am very sad over this as they were a fantastic friend for a long time and could not have been a nicer person in every sense. I really miss the person who used to be there. I do not miss the person they appear to have so suddenly become.

"…and there's always the somewhat painful idea that they may be at least as normal as you, and right about your relationship… "
Yes indeed. Partly it is what I am trying to find out. It is the abruptness and very extreame change of attitude from them that makes me question it. I suppose it is easier to think that they might be ill, rather than to think someone I cared for a great deal sees me as worthless and just did not bother to mention it for months or years, as they seem not to be now saying I was of no use to them for several years.

I am not saying nothing is my fault – I can think of several things I could have handled better, though I dont know if it would have actually changed the outcome we have arrived at or not. I am saying I am bewildered and want to understand better what could have gone so wrong. I dont want to think of them as nasty, if in fact they are ill. They deserve better than that if those are the circumstances, but I am also aware I deserve to be treated better than the way they have behaved towards me in the last few weeks. I was a good friend towards them too, for a long time.

I have mentioned President Blair to a few people lately and the level of apathy and disinterest and 'so what if he gets it' is horrifying. This man led us into an illigal war after lying to the world and people still say 'so what?'. I dispair.