I hope it went well. However if it did not, don't hang everything on the outcome of this particular interview – its not the end point of anything at all, its just a stage of your existence. In 10 years time, this difficult stage of your life will not matter to you in the least when you look back, as all sorts of other things will have happened in your world – and this year of time you struggle with now will be put much more into perspective and proportion.

Don't hang all your self esteem on work – its what you do, not who you are as a decent, valuable and nice person. Having a bad time in life does not make you a lesser person in any way. Be proud of how well you have coped so far, praise yourself for surviving well, when the odds at the moment feel against you.

If you find you are getting bogged down in a mire, remember it is a stage you are passing through. Maybe consider asking your doc to refer you to councelling sessions so that someone neutral can help you see this is a moment in time you are travelling through and no way is it where you will end up forever. If you can hold on to seeing beyond the immediate, you will be fine in the longer run.

If you go to a Citizens Advice Beureau they will be discreet (you do not have to give your name, though they will ask, they are fine if you dont want to say who you are) and everything you say is confidential. Take your financial details with you, like yearly pay, rent, mortage payments anything on HP etc. They will calculate with you how much the CSA will expect you to pay if the CSA are called in by either you or your partner. They will also give you leaflets to take away and read. And advise you on where you stand, what govenment benefits your or your family can claim if you split etc.

I went on a friends behalf once as they could not cope with going themselves. The staff were very helpful and kind.

I must admit I was horrified at just how much little the CSA thinks is a reasonable amout for the non custodial parent to live on as at the time (a few years back) it was all done on percentages. So apparently it costs say, £200 a month to cloth and house a one child if the parent was poor, but it could be £1000 a month to keep another one, if the parent is better off. It seemed disproportionate, as there is only so much food, clothing and shelter anyone needs for a good quality of living. I did wonder what happened to the money not used up every month. Does it go in a fund for the kid when its adult? Or does the custodial parent get to live it up? It did not look a very reasonable system.

Coffeeking, I don't know what aspect of the report caused my colleague to stop wearing a helmet. He just said it influenced his choice and he has leant me the report to read, but as I said, I have not read any of the report yet myself, so I don't know its slant, context or conclusions as I have not even opened the cover yet.

There is some info on the UK report here:

http://www.dft.gov.uk/pgr/roadsafety/research/rsrr/theme1/ppr446.pdf

http://www.trl.co.uk/online_store/reports_publications/trl_reports/cat_road_user_safety/report_the_potential_for_cycle_helmets_to_prevent_injury___a_review_of_the_evidence.htm

If anyone is curious, the Dept of Transport, Road safety research and statistics division has obtained a report from Transport Reseach Laboratory called:

"Published project reprot ppr 446 – The potential for cycle helmets to previent injury, a review of the evidence by D Hynd,R Cuerden,S Reid, S Adams. November 2009."

I think this must be available on the internet. I have seen a hard copy. It caused a lifelong helmet wearing collegue to stop wearing a helmet once he had read it. I have not had chance to look through it yet.

If attempts to protect people from accidents were truely sincere, places that brought in helmet laws would also make it a requirement that toddlers learning to walk would wear some kind of head protection, that elderly people were not allowed to wear slippers (a big cause of accidents in the home apparently) and that whenever there is frost or ice, all pedestrians should wear saftey helmets, and perhaps body padding (I know of 3 people with broken bones from slipping over this winter including a concussion).

What does MENSA actually offer its membership? Other than boasting rights that is 🙂 I have often wondered what its purpose is.

I would keep away from 'break up sex' both for her benefit and yours. Its not unknown for a woman to try to maintain a relationship by getting pregnant. Not a slur on your girl, its just what a few women do when they are upset / afraid of loosing someone they love. When stressed and upset, people do odd things they would not normally consider doing.

Maybe the organiser is the only person who goes? 🙂 So much for the high attendance figures!

Is there some outdoor factory shop in Alfreton?

Well done! I have a couple of plants grown from seed and they must be about 12 years old and have never flowered. You have given me hope. They have several leaves though. I guess its just a matter of waiting for 'clumpness' as it seems a painfully slow plant. Makes you wonder just how old the various sorts at Kew must be!

I mostly used to go to pubs for social stuff and conversation. Its almost impossible in a lot of them now due to big screen TV's. They detract from conversations, you must keep the line of sight clear so cant stand in groups and even if you are lucky enough not to face them, the volume is turned up so loud its hard to talk around it. Its like being trapped in some TV obsessed persons living room instead of going out to do something fun.

I am begining to wonder if people are still capable of chatting or making thier own entertainment as everything has to be supplied complete and not requireing effort – TV, internet, console games and iPod. Its like everyone has lost all imagination and any ability to make the smallest personal effort, it all has to be constantly drip fed to the brain dead.

Odd isnt it. Lots of 'contents' lists on food are as bad. I cant see the need, other than maybe its cheap flavouring and a preservative so they can keep it hanging around on the shelves longer. Its almost impossible to escape garlic as well, in any Marks and Spencers food. Its in the most bizarre food packs.

Go to the Citizens Advice bureau and ask what benefits you can claim in various cirumstances and how much they are worth.

Unless you are married, yes, her pension is worth something even if it will be small. If you ever split up (I note you do not say you are married or getting married before you move in so she is vunerable) she could be left penniless in her old age as it is very possible she will not be able to claim your pension.

How much is the father of the child contributing and could he be forced to pay towards its upkeep?

Would you be better off financially living in seperate buildings and just getting togeather a lot? You might be able to claim more benefits and also if you have more cash, there will be less stress and rows and a better financial quality of life for the child.

Saddly, if you have more kids pretty sharpish you can claim more and more on the state and get better and better living conditions. I know someone on thier 3rd upsize of car (to extra large people carrier) as they are now on thier 6th child and only 1 parent earns on a low wage. His wife is keen to have more but he has said no, he does not want the responsiblity of bringing up more children!

Surely the point of the governments interest in limiting photography (even in 'moderate' already existing forms) is to stop the public gathering evidence of government misbehaviour – such as beating up people in demonstrations, getting rid of evidence of torture, not seeing MPs doing compromising things and such like? Yet it is OK to digitally strip us public naked and photograph us if we want to travel by plane. We are being led like sheep into a fear culture where to question or record government behaviour is nearly at the point of becoming a criminal.
I never thought I would write that about my own country 🙁

Thanks folks.

Any interesting ones further out as well, that I could combine with a day trip?

Ta, info is appreciated.

I have bought 2 longer life batteries for my Acer (not Acer own brand) of 6 hour and 9 hour battery life and both have worked fine, so the problem mentioned above with some not accepting non OEM batteries can't apply to all Acer units.

I have an Acer Aspire one netbook. Had it (gussing) about 18 months/2 years. I use it for multiple hours every day. It really gets hammered. Very pleased with it. Will certainly look at buying an Acer again when it needs replacing. A friend bought an identical one and has been very happy with it too.

With other laptop brands, I have found Toshiba very reliable, as well as Acer.

takisawa2, thank you for your additional post. I suspect that was quite hard to write out. You deserved way way better than your fathers behaviour.

One of the sad things about mental distress and cruelty is people for some reason view it as less damaging than physical stuf, but it is not. It can scar the whole life of a victim, or you are left fighting against the damage it has done. The 'its only words, you can get over it' phrase is said by people who generally have no real concept of what terrible emotional situations are like, but well meaning, they believe they do. Someone very naievely said further up the page:

"Family is family, it is better to swallow your pride and deal with it then never speak to people again. However nasty, horrible or annoying they are."

Why is it ok to let someone destroy or deeply damage your life just because of a biological relationship – would you accept it from a friend or neighbour? Would you tell a hospitalised wife to go back to her husband each time he beat all hell out of her? There is no difference here in damage levels, you just cant SEE one type of injury.

Someone else said above

"I woke up one morning and realised that it isnt my fault, it was like an epiphany."

And to me that really grasps the reality of so many of the sad situations mentioned in this post. It is not the victims fault. You can walk away. You do not have to go on looking after or caring about family who abuse you or rubbish you, in order to make themselves feel big. If they loved you, they would treat you better. It is not your fault they are not able to love people in a normal way. Be proud of wanting something better for yourself.

I too used to be amazed by family breakups. Then suddenly your own family is gone, as things have become so unbearable you pass some kind of breaking point you never even suspected was there inside yourself.

I loved my parents and missed them the first few years. I was loyal to thier bad behaviour for years before leavign. But it was not ok or acceptable for them to destoy me and my sister for some kind of need or kick they got out of it. As my mothers mental illness got worse, it became unsurvivalable to be near her. In the end it was leaving or have a breakdown myself. The instabily of my parents has I suspect contributed hugely to my own relationship failures as an adult. I wish they had divorced when I was a child as I think thier behaviour was related to thier unhappy marriage in a lot of ways.

I think we are brainwashed by society into being dutiful beyond the resonable. We are indeed taught this by people who have a vested self interest in our being obdeient and unquestioning as it gives them power and security – our parents.

I have no contact with any of my family. They were emotionally abusive people. Their idea of a good child was to never become adult and to remain a puppet. Leaving my family was hard, sad and upsetting but it was the best decision in life I have ever made and I wish I had done it years sooner. I wish someone had taken me aside and explained to me how isolated and abusive my world was so that I could get perspective on it not being normal parenting.

One of the most difficult aspects is that if people ask about my family and I say I am not in touch with them, the response is usually something like 'how terrible, you must do something about it, they are your parents after all'. So I get an automatic assumption from people that I am to blame and my parents are wrongly deserted. It feels very unjust.

My mother became physically violent in the end when I would not comply with her unreasonable demands, one of which was to say I must promise her never marry or have children. My dad was not as blatent, but he would lie to me about all sorts of things so that reality was distorted to fit the view of the world that suited him and he did lots to undermine my sister and I, with critical comments. I tried to discuss and negotiate the situation with them in my 20's but my mother told me I was an evil person who must become obedient and my Dad refused to discuss my relationship with him, saying he had better things to do. Saddly the quote here is correct:

"Talking to parents about your personal well-being often does little to no good. Because of the oppressive nature of controlling parents, they have pre-existing opinions that no matter what you say to defend yourself, how right or wrong you are, how good of a person you are…all of it goes out the window. And no matter how much you know you are right and they are wrong, and no matter how many ways you can prove your correctness, it won't matter one bit to them."

There is much more on the internet now about abnormally controlling parents and related mental illnesses they may have. People need to start seperating 'controlling' behaviour from just normal family values and disipline. Not all abuse is physical.

If you are in this kind of world or know someone who is, tell them to learn more (there are not many books, internet is best) and to walk away from thier families. There seem almost no sucess stories in staying with such parents as they are not able to adjust thier behaviour or see it as unreasonable in any form. Hense the mental illness connection. My life is so much better now than when I had contact with them, the difference is amazing.

.

"What is Emotional Abuse?

Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation etc. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased.

Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of "guidance," "teaching", or "advice," the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting that physical ones. In fact there is research to this effect. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim's self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her self-esteem is so low that she clings to the abuser.

Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go."

http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm#Introduction
http://www.controllingparents.com/

Was just re-reading this thread and found it very amusing. However it did cross my mind that if the original poster is suddenly finding it much harder work to ride, he ought to get a medical check up. Seriously. My mum started to find stuff was more and more difficult and put it down to aging, but it turned out all her arterys were blocking up in her neck and she had to have an urgent operation to clear them (heavy smoker). There are other medical things that can cause you to start feeling worn out and tired as well, that could be serious. Might be worth getting it checked. If my mum had not gone to docs over something else, she would have had a stroke or died.

Met a guy in his 70's in a pub garden. His very personalised bike caught our attention. My flatmate asked where the chap had cycled to today. He was expecting him to be local and just biking down for an early evening pint.
"Well" says Mr 70's "I haven't been able to cycle as much as I used to. Been helping my son strip out his flooring and replacing it, so not really had the time for the last month or so. Still, its sorted now, so I am back up to about 75 miles a day (recounts staggering route of todays ride), but I have got to do better than that as I am doing a trip with my mates soon and they are from up north and are well hard."

Turns out he went back in to cycling at around 60 and had toured all over the world on the bike we saw with him since re-starting. He was off to tour Europe in later summer with his partner and 2 friends.

He is right about the well hard guys from up north though. I sometimes visit the peak district (north from where I am) and you see these wirey tough looking ancient old guys chugging smartly up a bit of a hill, then you round the bend and realise they are at the top of a multiple mile steep hill they have just roared up. Amazing and wonderful.

For the females:

Apparently chocolate fish do thermal merino leggings suitable for use with a she wee.

For Icebreaker sales/discounts try

http://www.webtogs.co.uk/Icebreaker/

they often have good reductions. I have ordered from them several times now and the service is efficient and very fast. Here by the next morning every time so far.

For a wider range of designs and colours than you can get in this country I found this web site that sends to UK direct from New Zealand.

http://www.sheepskinslippershop.co.uk/Catalog/MerinoClothing/merino-clothing.asp

I have not tried them, but they have a lot of the designs and colours I have been interested in but just could not find here.

I was told by a outdoor shop staff member that Icebreaker do not even give old stock or samples to the shop staff (unlike other company reps) as the market for the product is so reliable, they dont make extra efforts to promote the product or to get people to 'push' it. Hence the lack of really good sales reductions or discounted pricing.

I washed some sealskinz marino liner socks in with my icebreaker stuff. Icebreaker is fine, but for some reason the liner socks are now half the size they were. Shame as they were new and I was really pleased with them 🙁

Apparently he waved magnet up and down the radiator. I was not home at the time. Why is sludge magnetic? I thought rust lost its magnetic properties? If its not rust, what is it? – limescale has no magnetism.

I am not sure how this magnet thing works at all as the radiators are steel anyway.

Yes, the person who owns the house I live in does have a maintenance contract and the 'flush' would mean another additional payment to BG.

Yes, they did try to sell my housemate some magnetic filter thing.

I hate british gas, they become increasingly rubbish as greed gets ever more important than service. The engineers that call at the house seem mostly decent chaps though.

The newish boiler came from an independent company who did a great job at half the cost. My house mate wishes to stay on the BG service contract though and I have no say in that. Its not my house, its his.

If you dont want to be with her, tell her straight but in a considerate way ie tell her how you feel and do it in private, not in the middle of a pub or suchlike. If you want support, ask a friend to be there with the 2 of you.

If you string her along or treat her badly, people who know you and/or her will disrespect you for being mean and gutless. Its not easy to live that kind of image down, its always there in the back of peoples minds, as well as your own!

From her point of view, its better to be told it is going wrong than to find out months along the line that someone has been stringing her along like a fool, while bitching about her to anyone who will listen (how would you feel?). It would be even worse if you string her along as a handy lay while looking for something better, though realise this may not be what you are doing at all.

Whatever you do, leave her some self esteem and pride. It won't really cost you anything and you will be a better person for it.

Even if your situation is difficult (and these things can be truly painful for all) deal with things in the most decent way you can. Treat her how you would wish to be treated yourself in the same situation.

Passing thought… I wonder if thats how she justifies Mr Blairs behavour?
🙂

Fair dues about it only being 'some' – its just I have come across rather a lot of them in the last year.

Sounds to me at times he is sticking his foot in it with his testimony, but in his self belief does not really see it.

"I was never short of people who challenged me,” Mr Blair says"

“It wasn’t that objectively he [Saddam] had done more. It was that our perception of the risk had shifted.”

“If September 11 hadn’t happened our assessment of him . . . would not have been the same. . . After Sept 11 our view changed and changed dramatically.” But, Sir Roderic says, Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11 "in any shape or form".

Try either or both of these for live reports.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/iraq/article7007039.ece

http://www.politics.co.uk/news/foreign-policy/blair-s-iraq-inquiry-appearance-as-it-happens-$1356499.htm

Been interesting so far. Just as well, as I am lying in bed with a rubbish cold and a netbook.

The Times has been doing written updates live on their web pages this week.

I can see she might not want to take the leave for all sorts of reasons. However to not go with you is showing a lack of personal support for you. If you are happy with that (I think I would be ok with it myself in these circumstances) then you have been fair and considerate towards her.

Her saying she does not want you/the kids to go is really not decent behaviour on her part, it sounds possessive and controlling. Unless there is some very good reason (she thinks you will get drunk, not keep an eye on the kids, palm them off on others to look after) that you have not mentioned.

If she has some unspoken issue/fear you need to find out what it is and both deal with it.

Do a forum search on here for wasps and thier behaviour etc – was loads of threads on here during the summer of 09.

Gordon is so sane that he is going to let Blair election campaign as doing so will INCREASE votes for the New Labour. A delightful policy announced in the middle of Chilcot. Please note this is of course is for the benefit of Labour and not to polish Mr Blairs image.

Gordon, mad? No way, think of all those extra votes poised this week to fall upon him and TB. A deluge of them.

What kind of parent needs a tag to know where a 3 year old is? It should never be that far from sight or attention in the first place. When I had a dog I knew where it was when we were out with it, never mind a small child. Sticking tags on kids is giving yourself permission to be lazy and careless. It also won't stop a car running over your kid cos you did not bother to keep an eye on it wandering into the road/falling in the pond, still, you will know where to find the corpse!

I am surprised there is no mention of the robust and long lasting range iClothes which Mr Jobs is demonstrating again this year at his presentation.

Self cleaning of viruses and indeed all dirt, they only require removal if Apple issue a new (and rare) update. This explains why Mr Jobs, an avid enthusiast for his company's products, is always seen wearing apparently the same iClothes in every image of him I have seen.

If only Apple were to consider manufacturing them in a range of colours or forms as that product direction did a great deal to promote the iPod range. Perhaps next year…

I expect his intent is genuine and in no way to protect his own lifespan or that of anyone he knows or is related to.

Besides, I am sure Kelly's family would find it unnecessarily distressing to uncover any evidence that their own government or that of the USA might have contributed to Mr Kellys death, so best to hide any revelations from them or they might stress themselves by demanding a real investigation. Best to protect them from themselves eh. They seem to have been remarkably quiet to date anyway. Wonder why?

Webtogs often do good internet deals for icebreaker stuff.