Petition mentioned on first page now signed. I will pass the address of it on to some friends as well.

Thanks for posting this.

I would normally respect that in a person too. Not impressed the few times I have seen her advice though.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/pamelastephensonconnolly?page=2

Exmple 1 – The wife feels rejected as she has discovered her hubby prefers a ‘moment’ in the shower to intimacy with her and is very hurt – so the answer to hubby is not to make the wife feel more valued as a person but to “show her new tricks to please you”

Another column (I just picked a couple from the newspaper web site) says
“Fidelity” is not easy for anyone”
Which is an inaccurate generalisation used to justify why a woman’s boyfriend is sleeping with another man while dating her and now wants her to have multi person romps.

You think these are helpful intelligent answers?
I am just not convinced by this sort of ‘help and advice’ given to vulnerable people.

I dont see why there is any excuse for any well known comic to use significant amounts of old material – there are plenty of joke writers they can call on/pay if they get a bit stuck and I think many of the comics dont even write themselves.

I wonder if BC has got a bit lazy, plus he has that awful wife – his wife does a relationship advice column for one of the newspapers and its also dire. For someone trained and qualified, she gives the most moronic and shallow advice whenever I have read the column. Mel Smith seems to hate her – in an interview he said she is horrid and has spent all his marriage pretending not to remember his wifes name in order to snub her – even though her name too is Pamela so its not exactly going to slip her mind accidentally.

I think Mr and Mrs Connelly have both moved to ego over effort.

I know of an experienced climber/outdoor activity type. He intended to become a trainer of other enthusiasts.

He was rock climbing. When the rock above him became loose, it fell. Luckily he heard it and seeing it falling on him, ducked his helmeted head in towards the rock, so only got hit on the head with light small fragments.

However he could not do the same with his foot and the rock struck the back of his heel, ripping off his climbing shoe and all the back of his actual heel and half of the sole of his foot.

He had to have assistance getting off the cliff, given he was bleeding and injured. At the hospital he had to have a skin graft on his foot. They said if it did not take he would have a lot of problems walking. It did take but he ended up giving up a lot of outdoor sports.

Still, it was his own fault – if he had thought to put a kid on his back I he would not have the foot injury as the rock would have landed on the child instead. At least it would have died quick with no helmet, unless it was unlucky and had to live with a brain injury.

I am not a fan of coddling kids, but either the parents are fools or have a huge need to get attention for themselves at the cost of their child.

Thanks, thats a new suggestion. I am hoping to go back to the local doctor next week or the week after. I will mention that idea to them as the local doctor has been quite helpful, before I was referred on.

Temperature seems to have no affect on it.

I dont think I can wear sandals all winter, what with the ice, rain etc 🙂 but I do think freedom of foot movement seems to have a bearing, hence my having hoped they would have done some kind of gait analysis.

If it turns out to be arthritis, I wonder why it would have started with the single searing pain and instant instability?

No, the knee does not lock up and its feeling more stable now, no sense of sliding about the last couple of weeks – but it went wrong in early November so its taken a while, long steady improvement. Just afraid it will go again in the middle of nowhere instead of in town.

MrSmith, you have a point. I guess as I am interested in photography I have highlighted that more. Personalty I dont really get many aspects of getting married – to me its about the person you are with, not the event but I know its not like that for most people.

I have heard that some people get very depressed after the big day as they have built the last year or so entirely around the event, rather than what it was actually about and the day is gone along with a focus point they had put so much into. But back to photos,

I think doing weddings on the cheap is more viable if you get a good photographer as they can make things look much better and more expensive. An associate of mine had her wedding pics taken in front of a huge area of stinging nettles as the event location was hopeless. They looked great on the photos though as it looked like a blurred out hedge or border of flowers. 🙂 In the circumstances the photographer was great at ‘amending’ the somewhat bleak reality of the location and well worth his money.

I think people investing a lot in wedding photos is less about the hard copy photos for some, but more about living the lifestyle that is sold to people by modern advertising, while grasping at self esteem.

I cant speak for the blokes, but I think for women, it very pushed at them that being ‘famous’ for no particular reason is very important in modern society and part of the ‘herd’ behaviour. They are also supposed to spend huge amounts of time and effort and money in trying to look pretty as its still pushed as the most important aspect of existing as a female.

Modern women compete with essentially faked women on cosmetic adverts who are flawless, with photoshoped skin, whitened eyes and teeth, change of eye colour, artificial sculpting of the face in computer programs to make their faces more ‘in proportion’ so noses are make shorter or longer, eye shape is changed, cheekbones raised, lips made wider and fuller. Standards of impossible beauty normal real life women will never physically be able to meet however hard they try.

On a wedding day its the one shot in life to be near perfect and the centre of attention/approval. Your one shot at a pro photographer shoot, making you look like the impossible beauties, giving you your one day of being famous. Its the one chance at being valid in a society that pushes women to be seen in this role. And the photos give women that forever ro hold on to – a huge shot of self esteem in an advertisers battle the women can never ever win in real life, a war that sets people up to fail cos that sells more products.

I see other reasons for photos too of course – nice memories etc, but feel the above is a big factor for many and molegrips and grums posts caused me to dwell on peoples reasons for such huge outlays on weddings in general.

I dont live there and I signed.

I have signed.

They need about 500 more signatures to hit the needed target, so sign up folks…

http://petitions.somersetconsults.org.uk/consult.ti/system/viewPetition?petitionid=4426

Hi folks. Thanks lots for ideas so far.
As some of the earlier people seem to be missing the post
(sorry for shouting)

I HAVE NO MONEY

as was made redundant back before xmas, so cant go private.
🙂

I should add, that other than this knee problem, I have found the NHS to be quite helpful with other stuff.

I must admit I am very puzzled how the pain and clicking cant be related to the instant failure of my knee.. to me it seems likely something broke or tore.

Thanks for the feedback so far.

Mr Smith – I would be delighted to, if I had not been made redundant before Xmas. I cant afford a scan either.

I went to a private guy last year, about 6 months after the issue arose as I had waited (foolishly) for my NHS appointment with a man whose only interest was chatting up a nearby nurse.

The private guy could find nothing wrong with the cartilage. there was no mention of arthritis. He thought I could be I have a shortened nerve or maybe it was something sticking when it passed through a ‘hole’ near my knee, but it sorted out not long after as it had been fixing slowly on its own anyway and I was too broke to pay for a scan even back when I had a job – as it was over £500 which I just did not have in addition to paying the private physio.

I wonder how many pro photographers, wedding or other fields spend time here at Singletrack?

I too am happily surprised by how many folk have appeared listed above.

Really looking forward to checking out their web sites/pics. I love a good photo:-)

http://www.weddingguideuk.com/articles/planning/photographer.asp

A more advanced guide than my post.

Oh and they need to give you a written ‘licence’ or include it in the contract that you have a right to reproduce the images yourself. This needs to be formally stated or you are not allowed to print them yourself, technically/legally.

Giving you ‘Copyright’ is usually the wrong term as the photographer will retain that for themselves and retain ownership of the original files but can permit you to make copies etc by licence. They usually keep the very high resolution or RAW images themselves.

Ask how long they store them for in case anything happens to your own copy of the disk.

When checking out photographers keep in mind, in no particular order:

– How many photos they are offering you for the price. Often they will say a minimum number like 150, 300 or whatever. If you get an album Find out if you make the final selection of photos in it and are involved in the design or not – some photographers make the choice for you, which can be handy or annoying!

– Work out what they mean by ‘high resolution images’ – get the pixel size if possible, as some of them have been known to supply images that are ok for facebook and 8×10’s but not for wall enlargements – you might have to pay more and go back to the photographer for a big size print.

– Ask what retouching is included. Make it clear if you want your pics retouched or not.

– ask if there are additional services (a 2nd disk of photos, more advanced retouching) and what price they might be.

– How many hours of photography you get for your money and where these hours are allocated (getting ready, ceremony, any afternoon do, wedding reception, first dance, waiting around all night for the driving off at the end of the day bit).

– Does your photographer expect to be fed at the reception if he covers it (this is fairly normal, to treat them as a guest as few people want to be photographed when eating)

– Read the contract with care so that you know what penalty you will have to pay if you need to cancel (illness, family problem etc) or move your date or venue.

– Make sure they have a confirmed backup plan to supply another photographer to you if the orig person is too ill or something, to shoot your wedding.

– Make sure they have adequate insurance, in case the memory card gets lost or they drop a lens on someone’s foot or thier car breaks down and they never get to the service. A serious photographer will have some insurance.

– Some companies will supply a 2nd shooter so they can cover the groom getting ready etc. See if they do and if its in the costs.

– Make sure the contract includes a product delivery period which is acceptable to you. Some of them supply ‘taster’ photos for facebook and also on their own web sites but don’t do the main photos until some time later. Make sure you have a date for the whole delivery as wedding photos 6 months after the wedding are not much fun as most people don’t want to see them/buy them that long after the event.

– If you are private people, find out what the photographer puts in the contract about what he can use your photos for – advertising for his business, putting up at wedding fairs, selling to other people, pages in his web site.

– If you are outgoing, see if the photographer puts samples of all the weddings they cover on their business page blog or just some – if you expect to be up there, make it clear.

– Ask if they include a free engagement shoot. This gives you chance to practise posing and feeling at ease with the process before the wedding. Wear something that you wont cringe at in 5 years time and that does not clash with each other or the setting!

– Trash the dress sessions are sometimes possible, where basically its a fashion shoot for fun after the event – its often wading around in water in the wedding attire, posing in scrap yards, running through long grass type stuff.

– look at samples of the weddings they have shot before and ask to see the whole collection of images from a wedding, not just the best 2 or 3 photos from each event – anyone can get lucky for a few and have the rest pretty mediocre.

– Find out how long they have shot weddings and how many.

– see if they belong to any professional photography associations that accredit skill levels.

Hope this helps. I expect I have missed some stuff off but its all I can remember off hand.

“If you don’t have anything to hide, why does that matter?”

The comment of oppressive governments throughout history 🙂

Yes, I have considered that. But its much easier to get info slowly and then say ‘we have all this data, how could any one object to giving theirs too? – how suspicious to avoid what so many others have complied with’. If the government tomorrow said there will be a national database of everyone there would be much more questioning and resistance.

I figure its like politics in general. You make a big announcement, say, all car tax will be £5,000 from now on. You ‘leak’ it so its a rumor. Then you announce that rumor is rubbish, its only going up to a mere £2,000 per year. Then people complain, and you spin out responses to that complaint and CRUCIALLY people start to get bored of ‘old’ news and come to expect there will be a big rise. Then you as a government say ‘hey, we listened to all of you and the rise will be only to £1,000 – we have cared, we have backed off by 50%’ and the population goes around thinking ‘thank god, we had a lucky escape, it could have been double that. And so they mostly willingly pay £1,000 despite it being a massive hike, cos they have got bored and because they feel they have successfully ‘influenced’ a reduction. And the government is happy cos the £1,000 was the original real target amount anyway.

If you watch the papers/news you see this technique of leaks, denial, declared backtracking, public boredom and acceptance dozens of times in a year over all sorts of things.

MPs expenses is one really – as they did all sorts of things to appease the public, but its already sliding back towards nice handouts.

How many times have we heard – ‘we will do something about big bonuses’ and its stated again and again and they do nothing solid, just minor posturing and people generally are getting bored to the point where the public are saying ‘they will never do anything about it, ITS JUST HOW IT IS’ ie giving up in the face of lots of publicity, no action and eventual boredom via frustration.

Its just my view/observations, no one else has to share it! 🙂

Its not so much what the police might do with DNA now, but how long that information is (perhaps illegally or secretly) stored and what non-benign governments might choose to do with it in the future. You are not just giving your own personal DNA but also information about your whole family line, both past and future – your kids, grandkids, other more distant descendents of your family…

In the past, large groups of people have been murdered because of their ethnicity, disability etc. Who knows what government we in the UK or anyone might have in 50 years time – its a total unknown. Also, what is to stop any government ‘helpfully’ sharing ‘security data’ or ‘health data’ with any other body such as private companies (life insurance, marketing), or other governments such as the EU (many unelected politicians already have strongholds there) or USA or anyone really, that they want to suck up to or get benefits from? And its your whole family line for generations, not just your own data.

Its sad to feel so distrustful, but so many government/political cons and cover ups and greed have come to light in the last few years – how can you trust such people to have a shred of integrity?

We went to war almost entirely based on one mans ego and religious beliefs. We all know that should not have been why there was an act as tragic and terrible as war. If asked a decade ago, people would have said it could not have happened… the UK would not have fought and killed and sacrificed people for one mans ego and greed. But we did.

My parents had a rubbish relationship. From when I was very young I was the go between. I have written here about how controlling my parents were – because they did not want me to grow up and then have to face each other and their relationship. They made my life hell. If anyone had asked them, they would have said they were great parents.

At some point in my late teens I asked them to divorce as they were so utterly unhappy and my life was still that of a ping pong ball. One of the posters earlier said that he was waiting for his child to be independent, that the child would then cope. It does not work like that. People become more inflexible as they get older. Younger kids adapt and cope better and I wish my parents had split up when I was young. When they did eventually divorce it was my sister who could not handle the break up – my sister, quite a bit older than me being 35ish, married since she was 20 and mother of 2 kids. She went to pieces. During discussions about our parents breaking up, we both discovered we had been told by our mother that is was ‘your fault I had to stay with your father’ and our fault her life had been miserable. Don’t wish this stuff on your kid – stay together by all means, but take your children aside, ask their view of their life and what they see as a good course of action – don’t assume you know how they feel or what they want. They could be living in hell for all most parents know… and its pretty miserable if that’s where you feel you are and your parents are too bound up in themselves and what they think is ‘right’ to even bother to care or ask how it is for you as the child. It makes you feel worthless and of no consequence.

My long term relationships have been problematic and not successful. I put at least some of that down to not seeing a relationship with successful negotiation in it as a child and having been taught that to suffer and be miserable is appropriate and that change is ‘bad’.

I would wait until he is really settle in before getting him neutered. Its not unheard of for a new cat in a new place to move out if he feels he has been attacked. Give him a while to settle. Find out if he has any health problems first too, as I said that has a big bearing on their behaviour. Teeth can cause them issues.

Mines still a Tom, I have been trying to find someone to give him the snip/sterilise him rather than castrate him as he is a loving affectionate and laid back cat and I don’t want to risk a personality change I might not get on with (due to hormone loss) but its annoyingly hard to find a vet willing to make the extra effort of doing this. Plus I have been waiting for his illness to stabilise as he bleeds from his rear end during an attack and gets quite ill, although the attacks are decreasing and we are narrowing down what food triggers it. I dont want to add to that problem at the moment with an op. I wish the vets were more open to alternative ops, its not like I would not pay more.

I have an adopted tom cat, complete with balls. He was intermittently very aggressive, very scared and very friendly when I first took him in. I found some of the causes were a mix of these:

– He expected to be attacked by other cats and by humans, so he very easily misinterpreted some gestures and tried to ‘defend’ himself.

– All cats sometimes have bites we can’t see under their fur (I find this with my other cats) and if we brush them unseen, it hurts the cat esp if they are infected (many bites heal on their own, but it takes a few days just as our injuries do). If you brush the damaged area, the cat, unsure if to trust you, may take it as an attack and think you are hurting him rather than the wound causing the problem – so he will defend himself.

– My stray turned out to be quite ill with some kind of bowel condition that caused him to eat masses frantically or very little. He got very bad stomach upsets which caused him a lot of pain and you could hear his stomach rumbling at times. Sometimes he though a gut pain was caused by me touching him and again, we got the defence reaction. We got him checked by the vet and they tested him for various things but in the end it stabilised by giving him low grade cat food and once a day some shredded chicken (you can get it in cans). Be aware your new pet may be ill in some way that is not clear to you yet.

– He was very insecure and would fawn over you if you walked towards the house and bite and scratch your feet if you walked away as he was scared he would be deserted again (he lived wild for over a year, through a very cold snowy winter).

Now his health has improved and he has learned we do not hurt him intentionally, he has turned into the most lovely natured cat, much liked by visitors to the house. He is very affectionate and friendly and now loves to be cuddled. I found it helped to be firm with him when he was trying to herd me back towards the house and to always make it clear who was boss. Being angry when he was ill and responded aggressively though would be pointless at it just re-confirms a belief he is being attacked and will prolong the problem.

He still has his balls as his stomach problem has been a long time sorting as has building up his trust and I don’t want to cause more problems at this point by getting them removed. People say Toms are aggressive but it is not true, he is at the lowest point of the pecking order in the house as the 3 neutered Toms all keep him well in line.

Another useful thing to know is that some cats bite when being affectionate. This usually is gentle and gets toned down to ‘human scale’ so its more gentle mouthing but if you cat is edgy, be aware he may also misjudge this and bit a bit too hard, though intending to be loving, until he learns to scale back a bit.

Its taken us a year to get to where we are with our stray but its well worth the effort. Gradually his attacks became much lower key and it became clear they were becoming a ‘warning’ rather than an attack and he often looked guilty if he got cross with us. It occurred to me that as he had a dodgy background, maybe he did not know a less assertive way of saying ‘I dont want you to do that’ and so that has added to the problem. He is now at the point where he will push your hand away gently with his paw if he does not want to be stroked as he has learned we respect this.

Ours has been well worth the time effort and occasional fits of seeming hostility from the cat. He is lovely now.

It helps to think of how a very young child unable to speak and that was abused in some way might react, as many animals that have had hard times are more or less in that position and much of the psychology is very similar – fear, need for affection, not knowing how to get the result or love that it wants, over reaction etc.

Same person has a 2nd book up on the same site at

http://www.85mm.ch/Book/CollectingSouls.html

Any other alternatives anyone?

Worth keeping an eye on Blacks – at least 2 of thier shops lately have been doing the same with 30% off everything.

Cinnamon, thats how it got for me when I finally managed to leave home (an act that brought on being told what a disappointment I was and that I was no longer thier child). I used to go back but I used to cry before I went or when I came home.

Seeing them was not worth the costs. Its easier and less damaging to be told by other people (who have never met my parents or know nothing of my family) that its “all my fault and I ought to make things up to my parents”.

I think you are right about the anti depressents. I have seen articles while researching my parents behaviour that say many elderly people are depressed, but like with pain, many people see it as ok for older people to struggle on but that would be treated medically if they were younger as the same symptoms would be thought of as unacceptable.

My parents did not deteriorate mentally as they got older, they were always that bad. But like many abused people, you just dont realise how bad it makes you feel until the abuse is stopped. If you can, take a determined span of time away from visiting and dont speak or write to them. See how you feel after that. I know its hard to do, but its not just parents who need protecting, its the offspring too.

Its really hard to get info on abusive/toxic/domineering parents as its not acceptable in our society to challeng bad behaviour of parents. The internet has more stuff these days. Some of the stories of how adult kids are bullied are mind blowing.

I have read that if you ultimately refuse to comply you will get one of 2 possible responses
– you will be told you are a bad evil person who is worth nothing, screaming and shouting this is not uncommon.
– you will be cut off and totally ignored until you realise you are wrong and go back to apologise and take up again the submissive role you were put in.

I got one of each type with my parents. 🙁

My sister opted for an early marriage to escape them. She was never forgiven after 15+ years of marriage and my parents had no interest in her kids.

‘Toxic Parents’ by Susan Forward

http://www.travelin-tigers.com/zlyn/bktoxic.htm#Ex1

“”It was your fault.” Toxic parents are almost never willing to accept responsibility for their destructive behavior. Instead, they will blame you. They will say that you were bad, or that you were difficult. They will claim that they did the best that they could but that you always created problems for them. They will say that you drove them crazy. They will offer as proof the fact that everybody in the family knew what a problem you were. They will offer up a laundry list of your alleged offenses against them.”

“”It never happened”. Parents who have used denial to avoid their own feelings of inadequacy or anxiety will undoubtedly us it during confrontation to promote their version of reality. They’ll insist that your allegations never happened, or that you’re exaggerating. They won’t remember, or they will accuse you of lying.”

If your mum has become very different in behaviour in the last couple of years might be worth a word with a doctor or the althimer society to see if she has any signs of onset. If so, then her behaviour may be beyond her control or recognition.

“”you owe your life to your parents no matter how much of a pain they can be.” “No matter how annoying they can be you can only miss them. So grow up and appreciate them.”

Sorry but this is rubbish, ignorant and insulting. Parents have kids because they want kids, if they were doing it ‘all for the child’ and not for their own needs and interests they would adopt disadvantaged children instead.

I stopped seeing my parents when I was in my late 20’s. They were verbally abusive, domineering and used quite brutal blackmail to get what they wanted. One of the highlights was when my mum tried to arrange to have the family dog put down as a punishment for me not doing what she wanted, which was to promise I would never marry. My dad told me that no one would ever want me.

People who have good family relationships just don’t get that some parents behave to adult children in the same manner as hostile/controlling spouses behave towards their abused and beaten wives – that wining and control is everything and love is utterly conditional on doing what the controller wants and what is good for them.

People always blame the kids for family breakdown and tell them they are bad people. They don’t stop to find out what hell some people get from abnormally domineering families. If parents make your life hell, walk away. I wish I had gone years earlier, I was a fool not to cut them off. I feel a huge loss for the relationships my family could have had – but which they threw away rather than meet any of the compromises/discussions/negotiations I offered before I walked away.

My life is so much better now that I have nothing to do with them.

Would you advise a woman to stay with an abusive partner, saying its her duty to have abuse screamed at her or to be threatened physically? So why tell any offspring that it is a duty to be treated as badly by an obsessive parent?

Why condemn any kid for wanting to be treated with a normal human level of love and respect and pat bad parents on the back for ‘doing so much’ for their child?

A few years back an American friend started to miscarry.
She was married to a well off man.

Her baby died.
She nearly died.
She could never have any more children.

The ambulance came to rush her to hospital. In the ambulance she had to agree to pay an extra $20 to the ambulance company on top of the standard transport fee – or they would not ring the siren to speed up the journey.

All those who support privatisation feeling good about this story?

It beyond naive to think such things ‘Can’t happen here’. We just had a war based totally on lying resulting in thousands dying to please a few, yet people still claim immoral behaviour can’t and won’t happen in the UK cos everyone is ‘too decent’.

Anyone see that documentary about 3 years back where a USA girl was in a vehicle accident in her late teens and went into coma? The insurance ran out. After a short time the parents were told to switch off her life support. They sold their home and everything they had to keep paying for her life support cos they could not face killing their child. Their lives were in ruin and debt and destitution. Bizarrely over 10 years later she awoke. They were ecstatic. But she has brain damaged and although able to interact well, would never be able to live alone or work and has to stay in care. So now they have the joy of having their kid back – and will spend the rest of their remaining lives in utter poverty and destitution to pay for her care, and live in fear of what will happen to her when they die of old age as there will be no money to look after her.

It could be your family.

I find it puzzling that in this day and age, so many sports are still separated into sexes, including those at schools.

There are both pluses and minuses for all involved, but how can men and women ever be viewed as equal in society when women are stuck with the image of often being the ‘boring’ side of sports watching, often ending up too with puzzlingly lesser challenges (say over shorter distances – cant they pace themselves like the guys or is it too much for their brains in the view of sports authorities?)

More mixed sports would bring more attention to women athletes and a lot more opportunities for them. Plus all sexes would have to up their game generally, a good thing for the sports and for sports viewers.

Thanks for the suggestions. I am very behind on hardware info. Any other things I should look out for re the display while we are on the subject?

The colour of the ‘Sun’ is possibly an in-joke. Sun (the company) provides servers for IT – most IT equipment tends to be in various shades of grey.

Looking at the map, is there some kind of retail park next to the shopping centre too? I see refs to Next which seem to be in the middle of nowhere.

Whats the traffic like around by the shopping centre at this time of year? – need to go right by it on the weekend.

Thanks for the pics and info, very useful.

I won’t be able to go too far off as I will effectively be ‘on call’ and might need to head back at short notice 🙁

I have seen them in the past in Blacks and Cotswold outdoor – both in Broadmead. Cotswold is the best bet of the 2. Dunno if Taunton Leisure in Bedminster stock such things.

Up and Under in Cardiff is also pretty good, they have a web site.

The most important thing to remember, when things are really bad, is this is just a phase, a passing period of horrible time.

It is not like your early life, it will not be like the rest of your life, its just a tiresome miserable period of time that will pass eventually.

Trudge through it like walking through mud, accept that is it dire. Remember that if you keep going you will get to the other side and it will be behind you and chances are, because for you the situation is circumstantial not chemical, that you will never ever feel anywhere near this bad again.

In a 6 year period I lost my home, my pets, my parental family fell apart and no one is in communication now, broke up with my partner and then lost the person who turned out to be the love of my life. Thats the simple version, it was worse and more complicated than that! Oh and I got a load of grief from work too. I just kept going day to day through the awfulness.
Lifes better now and still improving and if life gets a bit shit, I know I can travel through the rough bits as I survived much worse.

You can do this. You can win. Each day is a day nearer the better stage of your life. Each day you get through gives you the upper hand.

Its normal to feel emotional when stirring up tough things from the past, particularly things you have felt bad about.

My parental family split up 15 years ago. In the long run its been the best thing. I still cry if I talk about it much though, even though I would not change the past. Its just how it is. Even if you dont regret the long run and feel happy now, digging around in the past stirs up all sorts of emotions you sat on at the time. they are not a threat to your present life, only painful echos from the past. Feel them, don’t fear them, they just want a bit of air 🙂